What should I do???

[Enacielle777]

Hi Saraharms,
As you can see, many people care about you even though we have never met you. When kids are young, they do many things. There is a HUGE difference between, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" that 3-year-olds play under the playscape and an older brother doing things after his sister has asked him to stop. I believe you knew it was wrong and that is why you reached out for help. Now is where the hard part comes in...regardless of whether it was rape or molestation or exploration, you and your brother BOTH have issues to heal from and to deal with on both a wordly and Christian level. Both of you have created soul ties with each other that should be broken and that you should pray against. I know people can argue about their existance, but I can guess that if you are or have ever tried to be sexually active, you have had trouble. If you have been blessed enough to wait, you might find that when the time comes, if you don't deal with what happened, you might have trouble. There are psychological reasons that I COMPLETELY agree with as well as spiritual things I believe are completely real. It took me many years living in a relationship in which I couldn't give of myself to my husband because of what I had been through in my past. Once I was able to heal from those, my husband and I were able to have, and still do have, an amazing relationship in which we can give to each other of ourselves completely in a totally pure way.

I pray you will be able to do this for yourself and for your brother so the two of you will be able to heal from your wounds and deal with the things that led to this happening. You are not at fault. Your brother took advantage of you...whether for exploratory purposes or for reasons none of us will ever understand...so he needs to have help also.

I wish you the best, Sarah. Don't be discouraged. Don't give up on yourself. Don't feel like you did something incorrect. You are a precious daughter of the Lord God of Gods! You are worth more than rubies...I am reminded of the following...take it to heart.....

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
Love, Your Dad[/FONT].​

From http://fathersloveletter.com/flltextenglish.html​

 

[saraharms1]

How much older is your brother?

He's 3 years and 9 months older than me...

 

[saraharms1]

To everyone else... thank you sooo much for the advice and encouragement... You all have told me a lot of different things to do... Everything is still hard for me though because I'm just coming out with it... and accepting the fact that I was molested... Theres one person that I really want to tell and I feel I need to tell because she is my best friend but she also has dated my brother... I know a good friend would have told her but I honestly had put it in the back of my mind when they got together... now they are broken up but she is wanting to get back together with him and I know I should tell her about it... I'm just not sure how or when... so please pray for the courage and strength to tell her...

 

[Surviving]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It must be really hard for you as you are torn between two things...your feelings about what happened to you...and your friends feelings. How do you think your friend would react if you told her?

Personally, if I was interested in dating someone, and they had done what your brother did to you, I would like to know. It will be hard for you to tell your friend so I pray that God will guide you in the right things to say to her. You need to also face the possibility that your friend will find this hard to accept at first.

Be careful when you tell. Take care and let us know how you get on.

 

[saraharms1]

I'm not sure....


She might be angry with me not telling her at first... I don't know....

I guess I just won't know till I tell her...

 

[Enacielle777]

I know a good friend would have told her but I honestly had put it in the back of my mind when they got together...


I REBUKE this thought in the name of Jesus Christ our savior who told us through the Word that there is NO CONDEMNATION in Christ.

YOU were hurt. YOU were violated. YOU were taken advantage of. YOU were the one who needed a good friend. YOU were the one who needed love. YOU were the one who had this deep secret that you had to come to a website to share with a world of people you can't see in order to feel comfortable telling it. YOU are the one who needs an "I am sorry." YOU are the one who needs a hug and needs to be told it will be okay.

ANYONE who would say you were not a good friend for not giving this information IS NOT WORTH HAVING AS A FRIEND. You did nothing wrong by not telling something that I know was very hard for you to even say to us...a group of strangers. Do not tell your friend out of guilt for not telling her sooner..this will only cause you pain when her reaction is hurtful. If your motives for telling do not come from wanting help for yourself, you should not tell anyone you can see face to face yet because you are not ready for the reaction. Rape is almost never believed. Molestation is almost always doubted first. If you are not telling becuase you are ready to seek help and because you want your offender to get help and because you are ready to accept healing and love and learn how to become whole again, you are setting yourself up for failure.

I am sorry to be so strong about this, but I cannot stand seeing victims who are even more victimized by their own condemnation about how they could have been better friends, daughters, sisters, girlfriends, etc. if they had only done something different. THIS IS A LIE STRAIGHT FROM THE PIT OF HELL.

Bless you as you are restored.
~Shell

 

[saraharms1]

Thanks Shell...


I do want to tell her... Her and I both come from some pretty rough pasts... we've stood by each other and helped each other get over some of our addictions... Although we aren't always the best kids we are a lot better than everyone expects us too... (we love the whole beating the odds thing)

 

[Enacielle777]

Sarah,
I lived in foster homes, juvenile hall, girls' homes, and finally, at 16 ended up in Woman's Prison. I was in some of the worst living circumstances and some of the best living circumstances a person could be in. I have seen the worst of life, and I have seen the best of it. I know without doubt that your past does not define who you are but helps you know who you won't be. You will beat the odds and rise above them and help others who are in your circumstance. Just know that before we can help someone else with our story, we need to be healed from it. I still have issues with not meeting my father's expectations, so I can't share with others who are dealing with this because I know I still struggle with it and it still hurts. However, when a wife is being beaten or a child is being beaten and they need someone to help them, I am right there because my wounds have been healed and are lost on the cross! I don't believe you have healed from this pain yet. I don't believe you could handle the pain of her not responding well to what you have to say. I really suggest you pray about whether God would want you to tell her. You might even want to pray that He will not allow you to tell her unless she brings it up to you...a fleece if you will...I just don't want to see you hurt anymore than you already are. Sometimes we feel like we owe things to our friends when in reality we owe ourselves to keep it in. I have suffered many times for opening my mouth about something God never intended to be shared at that time...the scars because deeper and the wounds harder to heal becuase of my not praying about whether to say something. So please, whether you do or not, I ask you (I beg you) please pray and know that you know that you that it is the right time and then ask God to protect you and cover you with his angels and to protect you with his shield. Then put on the FULL armor of God and go forth. But ensure you pray protection over your mind and your friendship. Pray for forgiveness ahead of time...that you would forgive her for any reaction that is hurtful to you. Know that God loves you and will restore you to whole if you allow him to.

Praying for you!
~Shell

 

[saraharms1]

I know she won't treat me any different if I tell her I was molested... For certain reasons I think she may have been molested too... but I'm not sure... I may just tell her that I was molested... I just won't tell her who it was... I'm still not sure... I'm sure she'd be there by my side... I just don't think she would believe me if I told her it was my brother... I don't know... and actually I think my mom knows about it... and just isn't saying or doing anything about it... cuz apparently she has a program on the computer that she can go and look at what I've typed...

 

[Enacielle777]

I know she won't treat me any different if I tell her I was molested... For certain reasons I think she may have been molested too... but I'm not sure... I may just tell her that I was molested... I just won't tell her who it was... I'm still not sure... I'm sure she'd be there by my side... I just don't think she would believe me if I told her it was my brother... I don't know... and actually I think my mom knows about it... and just isn't saying or doing anything about it... cuz apparently she has a program on the computer that she can go and look at what I've typed...

Smart mom she is then! Honey, you are so young. My daughter is 11 and often gets very upset when I make her get off a site because I haven't seen it yet. However, the world is a very scary place. I work with kids every day who see the worst of the world in their own home..you don't really understand how horrible the world can be until you have seen it...I pray that aside from what you have already experienced, you will NEVER have to experience some of the other horrors out there. I praise God that your mother loves you enough watch over you. And if she does know and isn't saying anything, maybe she is still digesting it. This is her son you are talking about, right?

~Shell

 

[saraharms1]

I understand why my mom has the program... in fact it really doesn't bother me... She's doing what any good mom should do. Trust me Shell... I know the world isn't a great place... but its not a horrible place either... It sounds to me as if you fear the world and are trying to make the world seem like its a fearful place. The world has its ups and downs... right now you're focusing on the down parts of it...


And yes it's her son we are talking about...




~:~Sarah~:~

 

[Enacielle777]

I understand why my mom has the program... in fact it really doesn't bother me... She's doing what any good mom should do. Trust me Shell... I know the world isn't a great place... but its not a horrible place either... It sounds to me as if you fear the world and are trying to make the world seem like its a fearful place. The world has its ups and downs... right now you're focusing on the down parts of it...

~:~Sarah~:~

Hi Sarah,
I am sorry you did not gather from my post what I was trying to say. I am NOT fearful of this world. I do not feel it is a horrible place. I love my life and everything about it. However, I also acknowledge that there is some scary stuff out there. I was simply trying to say God bless your mother for trying to watch out for you. It sounded in your post like you didn't like that she saw what you typed. I was simply saying from a mother's point and from a human service professional's point, God bless your mom for looking out. That is all. The world is filled with amazing opportunity and I would be wrong to be fearful of it. It made me who I am today.

~Shell

 

[saraharms1]

Well I was just clearing that up then...