What should I do???

[saraharms1]

Okay... this is very hard for me to type...

I've been thinking about doing this for a while now... but wasn't sure if I should or not... I've told no actual person of this either... and don't know if I should confide in anyone of it or not... It started when I was a lot younger. I was sexually abused probably from when I was 5 till I was 13 by my older brother...


I don't know if I should tell someone or not...

Should I?




Sarah

 

[shazabella]

Okay... this is very hard for me to type...

I've been thinking about doing this for a while now... but wasn't sure if I should or not... I've told no actual person of this either... and don't know if I should confide in anyone of it or not... It started when I was a lot younger. I was sexually abused probably from when I was 5 till I was 13 by my older brother...


I don't know if I should tell someone or not...

Should I?




Sarah

Sarah,

I think you should tell someone in RL that you feel comfortable talking to about it. if you want to PM me to talk feel free

- Shaz

 

[FallingWaters]

Okay... this is very hard for me to type...

I've been thinking about doing this for a while now... but wasn't sure if I should or not... I've told no actual person of this either... and don't know if I should confide in anyone of it or not... It started when I was a lot younger. I was sexually abused probably from when I was 5 till I was 13 by my older brother...

I don't know if I should tell someone or not...

Should I?

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

I'm so very sorry. Do you feel close enough to one of your parents to tell one of them? It might be a good idea so they don't leave you alone with him anymore.

 

[lilymarie]

Hi Sarah,

I'm so sorry to hear this as well. My opinion is yes you should tell, as the most important thing for you is to be safe.

How is your parental environment? Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

You might want to call a sexual abuse hotline and ask for more personal advice about your situation.

Try looking in the front of your local phone book for hotline numbers.

Keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing. Okay?

 

[Giant]

Hi Sarah,
Please tell someone you trust...
no matter what you are feeling or what you may think, this is and never has been your fault...please confide in someone you trust, please.

 

[restore]

Yes, as above people say, it is important to tell someone u can trust, do u have a church friend or some elder person from church? U can talk to me and pm too, anytime u feel comfortable to talk.
and u r a God child, so u r loved , keep happy there,okay?

 

[saraharms1]

I don't want to start anything...

He's stopped now... its been about a year that I've been okay....

I do want to tell someone... but I just don't know who... I'm sorta ashamed of it... but from what I've read a lot of people are... My brother and I both have had a hard past. His father, our mother, and my father all are alcoholics and have/had drug problems.

I can't confide in my mother... she still drinks and does drugs... My dad does drugs but no long drinks... Although my brothers father doesn't drink anymore I'm just not comfortable telling him.
There are some friends who could tell but I'm just afraid they'll look at me differently...

 

[Giant]

No trusted person should look at you differently...this is certainly something that you need to talk to someone about - even if just for counseling.
Of course you are feeling ashamed, but it is not your shame to carry - it is his. Open up to someone you can trust, even in the church maybe, or the school chaplain/counselor maybe...this is definately something you should talk about - if you do you will lighten your burden of carrying this, and understand that it is not your shame nor your guilt to carry. Make sure it is a trusted person though.
I am praying for you - God bless you young sis

 

[JoshuaM]

If you have close female friends, you also should talk to them. It is not your fault in this. You should not feel ashamed for something you did not do yourself. Also, I noticed you are from the USA. The USA has several programs for youths dealing with those kinds of issues. Definately tell school or church counsellors. Many churches also have women's ministries, and some churches have women working with youth. Don't be afraid to talk to one of them.

 

[FallingWaters]

I don't want to start anything...

He's stopped now... its been about a year that I've been okay....

I do want to tell someone... but I just don't know who... I'm sorta ashamed of it... but from what I've read a lot of people are... My brother and I both have had a hard past. His father, our mother, and my father all are alcoholics and have/had drug problems.

I can't confide in my mother... she still drinks and does drugs... My dad does drugs but no long drinks... Although my brothers father doesn't drink anymore I'm just not comfortable telling him.
There are some friends who could tell but I'm just afraid they'll look at me differently...

It sounds to me like you are ready for counseling. I know what you mean about the shame. I used to feel the same way. And you're probably right about your friends... they probably won't know what to do with the information... they probably wouldn't be able to relate to it... unless they've been abused themselves.

You sound ready for counseling. If you don't get help, you might start acting out in undesireable ways. Do everything you can to get professional help, either through your school or your community.

Start writing down your memories and feelings down in a journal or online in a private blog. Imagine God being with you and listening to your pain. He cares.

 

[OnThePathToTruth]

You shouldn't be ashamed of being a victim as a consequence of the actions of others...defend yourself anyway possible from your brother if he dares to try make you a victim of his sick lust again. If you hurt your brother while defending yourself all the better because when people ask you why you hurt him you can tell them the evil things he is been doing to you.

You have a hard life, but know that you are a victim of others action, a victim of their free will and unfortunatley your parents and brother are excecising thier free will by nelecting you and abusing you. Your parents need to realise they have a daughter they love very much and is in need of them. Drugs and alcohol are things which make people escape reality, your parents don't even know what your going through and they should do.

I hope you remain patient, preservere and may your troubles be lifted.

 

[FallingWaters]

Sexual victimization causes shame to the victim even though they did nothing wrong.

Counseling can help the victim work through their thoughts and feelings about themselves.

 

[saraharms1]

I don't exactly want to go to counseling... I've been to a shrink before and hated it...

As for telling a friend... I'm working on it... Theres two friends I know of I can tell... just now sure how or when I can tell them...

 

[Enacielle777]

I am so proud of you for speaking up. May God protect you and give you peace as you move through the next steps.

If you read nothing else in this post, read this: 1-800-656-HOPE. This is a 24 hour a day crisis line to talk about what happened to you.


Here is some practicial information about what you should do next. It is VERY IMPORTANT that you reach out to someone. You cannot be left to deal with this by yourself...you are far too young. If you do not feel comfortable speaking with your parents, reach out to your pastor or a close relative. Pray for God's direction and protection as you do. DO NOT be discouraged if you are not believed...that is a reality about sexual abuse and why so many people do not come forward about it. Pray for divine guidance and He will point you to someone to help you. I am lifting you up that He will order your steps and prepare the heart of the person you speak with.

Some information for you:

From http://www.rainn.org/what-should-i-do/index.html?PHPSESSID=a969f0a0054d72c04ad5f7de271cd7a7:

• Find a safe environment - anywhere away from the attacker. Ask a trusted friend to stay with you for moral support.
• Preserve evidence of the attack - don't bathe or brush your teeth. Write down all the details you can recall about the attack & the attacker. (I realize you are past this point, but it is on the list, so I will include it.)
• Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, for free, confidential counseling, 24 hours a day: 1-800-656-HOPE.
• Get medical attention. Even with no physical injuries, it is important to determine the risks of STDs and pregnancy.
  • To preserve forensic evidence, ask the hospital to conduct a rape kit exam.
  • If you suspect you may have been drugged, ask that a urine sample be collected. The sample will need to be analyzed later on by a forensic lab.
• Report the rape to law enforcement authorities. A counselor can provide the information you'll need understand the process.
• Remember it wasn't your fault.
• Recognize that healing from rape takes time. Give yourself the time you need.
• Know that it's never too late to call. Even if the attack happened years ago, the National Sexual Assault Hotline can still help. Many victims do not realize they need help until months or years later.

I actually just met someone today who has a page dedication to survivors of sexual abuse, please visit the page and seek her help...she is a Child Advocate and can truly help you if you reach out to her or at least look at her site for more informaiton: www.hopeinhealing.org

May God direct you and bless you. Remember that He loves you and that you didn't do anything to deserve this. You are special and God will heal you of the pain you feel. Reach out to someone and get help. Remember that your brother needs help also...if you cannot find it within yourself to reach out for yourself, try looking at it from that perspective...the longer you keep this secret, the longer he goes without getting help. He could be at risk of becoming a rapist to people outside the family. Your speaking up could not only result in healing for yourself but in healing for him also. God be with you sister. May His hand be upon you and His Spirit guide you.

PM me if you need anything or need further direction or resources.

~Shell

 

[FallingWaters]

Sara... I hope you call the hotline. It will be so good for you to talk to someone who understands.

 

[Giant]

I don't exactly want to go to counseling... I've been to a shrink before and hated it...

Counselors arent usually "shrinks" but trained professionals in the area of counseling and communication. Give it a try, you may be suprised!

 

[Enacielle777]

There is a difference between Counselors and Pychiatrists/Psychologists. The latter deal with the mind and why you are the way you are. The former deal with the fact that you are how you are and you don't want to be that way anymore and help you focus on changing it. Counselors can not assign medication. They can only walk you through the steps to healing from the pain and learning how to cope with life. Psychologists and Psychiatrists can assign medication, can help you understand why you are the way you are, and will try to help you get out of the situation. Also, they analyze a lot more than Counselors. Neither is better or worse than the other...it just depends on the need you have and how you want to handle it. I personally prefer counseling first, as sometimes it is just having someone to talk to and help you understand the problem and how to move forward...other times, you need to understand why you have the problem. In your case, it is not a psychological illness...so counseling is probably best...and preferably someone who specalizes in abuse victims.

 

[Surviving]

Sara, I am so sorry to hear that you have been through this abuse, and for so long as well. It is always really hard when it is someone in your own family that abuses you like this. Since talking to your parents might not be an option, why don't you try talking to your pastor? They might be able to point you in the right direction on what to do next or who to see. I hope that you make the right decision. People should not get away with abusing others, no matter who they are. take care of yourself.

 

[saraharms1]

I know what my brother did was wrong but I still do love him. He's my brother. I don't want him in jail, I don't want anything to happen. All I'd really like in a apoligy from him. I just don't know how to go about that either.

As an undate:

I have told a friend. I just didn't tell her it was my brother. I let her in on a little bit more of my life last night too because we had a sleep-over. In time I will tell her that it was my brother.

 

[FallingWaters]

I know what my brother did was wrong but I still do love him. He's my brother. I don't want him in jail, I don't want anything to happen. All I'd really like in a apoligy from him. I just don't know how to go about that either.

As an undate:

I have told a friend. I just didn't tell her it was my brother. I let her in on a little bit more of my life last night too because we had a sleep-over. In time I will tell her that it was my brother.

I understand why you would want an apology. I felt the same way. I didn't want anything bad to happen to my abuser either. I just wanted him to stop it.

The discouraging statistics are that only 10% of abusers ever admit what they did was wrong or apologize. Most of the time they become indignant and defensive when confronted with the situation. (That's why I don't personally recommend a person face their abuser unless they know God is orchestrating it.)

But here's the good news: I went through a time of crying over and being angry over what happened to me, a time of grieving my losses and the awful effects I've been struggling with ever since. Then before God, I completely forgave my abuser, and released him into God's hands. I was set free and delivered from the pain of the memory of the abuse.

A couple of weeks later I got together with my abuser and God had convicted him of his sin (even though he's not saved) and he apologized for what he did. I told him I forgave him which- as I said- I had already done. God had orchestrated the whole glorious thing.

So... proceed carefully... forgive him first... that way if he gets defensive or refuses to apologize, it won't have any power over you, and it won't hurt as much.

I pray God gives you wisdom and help.