What should I do? Several Minor Problems in Life Add up

[jukari]

Sometimes I feel lost. Like theres no purpose anymore. I had a difficult childhood that basically made it feel impossible to make new friends and open up to anyone. I developed an intolerance in school for stupid people and people who make fun of others.

I think this has developed into a bigger issue of me thinking I'm better than a lot of people, which I usually do. If I see someone make fun of another person because of something they don't have control over (race, looks, etc.) I see the person judging as someone who is stupid and ignorant, and not worth wasting my time talking to, or even listening to.

My social outlet tends to be online gaming, and if I find I dislike the person I talk to, I can just log off, or /ignore them, and never see another message again.

I'm married, and my wife usually spends her time watching movies, and not much else. I try to get her to want to do things with me, but not a whole lot of luck, so when I want to spend time with her, it's watching a movie or TV show with her.

I have no energy at work, no drive to do my best, really. Just squeeze by with as little effort expended as possible in the week. Play games all weekend, usually, and then repeat for the next week.

I get home, usually stay up all night, playing games on the computer. Then I goto bed, and get lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep. Usually only getting 4 hours. This is mostly due to when I lay down, if I'm not completely exhausted and tired, I just lay there, thinking about life and everything.

I don't know what I should do to try to fix this. I don't really want to start going to a church, because the people I have met in the past have turned out to make my life worse more than better. They either judge me for my lifestyle, without adding anything productive or they just don't talk to me.

Let's see... some other problems that bug me, since I'm trying to find an outlet and someone to talk to... I'm overweight. Not obese or anything, but overweight. It bugs me, depresses me too, sometimes. I also think I suffer from slight paranoia. I usually think people whispering while looking at me are instantly making fun of me or doing something they don't think I should know about, or that I can handle.

I really don't know what to do at all. I feel lost and like I'm just wasting my life away and soon I'll be dead, and nothing I did in life will have mattered to anyone.

Well, if anyone takes the time to respond, thanks, I appreciate it. I just need someone to talk to.

 

[goldenviolet]

have you considered mens mettings... they bring fellowship and spiritual growth/purpose?

do and your wife still go on dates?

during bumpy times i assume it's time to inventory myself. like right now. i'm deffinately in a dry spot. not spiritual though i'm thankful for my Jesus. i'd be shattered right noe if not feeling comfort. God will provide for you too. we are His. He will bless us in due seasons. in the mean time you need to exspect blessings, look for them, and cultivate them.

 

[jukari]

have you considered mens mettings... they bring fellowship and spiritual growth/purpose?

do and your wife still go on dates?

during bumpy times i assume it's time to inventory myself. like right now. i'm deffinately in a dry spot. not spiritual though i'm thankful for my Jesus. i'd be shattered right noe if not feeling comfort. God will provide for you too. we are His. He will bless us in due seasons. in the mean time you need to exspect blessings, look for them, and cultivate them.

I assume you mean men's meetings as in something that occurs at church? I haven't been to church in quite a long time, don't really know where to start. I tried about a year or so ago to start going again, and couldn't really find the support I needed.

I don't know how to approach people to ask for more information, really. I have an easier time talking to people on-line, because I have time to think out my statements, and correct them before sending them out to the world.

And I don't think me and my wife have really been on anything like a date in a very long time, either. Not sure what to do, or how to approach her for that. We don't have a lot of money, so going out to the movies and such gets a little expensive at times, and doesn't seem like there's a lot of options.

 

[Anti Existance]

We are here on earth to love and serve other people. How do we serve God and love others by constantly playing computer games. <- This was the critism i received from angels of God for my constant computer behaviour, i have been unhappy ever since.

without adding anything productive or they just don't talk to me.

its strange that you mention this, because i also did not receive the addition of anything productive of those Angels, i gues its unfortunatly not restricted only to humans.

Personally im considering into becoming a missionary, you know throw away the old lifestyle and add something that is more into loving and serving God. http://www.missionaryresources.com/missionary_prep.html
I found some christian missionary site, that looked promising, im not saying that you should do this too, but maby you can find something interesting to do in life in which you serve and love God, instead of being on some internet server. Its hard tho, because you have to give up your entire lifestyle , but then again its exactly that lifestyle which is making you unhappy isn't it? Time for reconstruction of the soul, so to speak.

 

[jukari]

Drastic changes usually don't last for me, if I don't try to change something gradually, it usually just reverts to my old ways, shortly after the change. I've never really been extremely religious, and I doubt I could become a missionary or anything of the sort and preach to other people, when I can't understand myself, or be at peace with myself and who I am.

I'm not entirely sure what I wanted by coming here, and expressing my problems. Someone to lean on, I suppose. I know change will probably be necessary. Drastic changes might be necessary. Forcing my wife to change with me, or preventing me from changing back due to ties I currently have with friends or my wife may be difficult.

I think the main thing I probably wanted, is someone's perspective who's gone through similar experiences, of one or the other of mine. I don't expect I'll become a missionary or anything similar, due to my belief I've always held, that beliefs should be shared but not imposed on people. And every missionary I've met preached to me, while living lifestyles contrary to what they were preaching.

I don't like churches or religion in general, even though behind closed doors, I choose to believe whatever I want. I don't meet religious people who are like me. They think they're better than me, because *they* goto church every weekend, and I don't. So *IF* I goto Church, it usually drives me further from Christ and not closer to him. Because I become angry and spiteful at these people trying to act better than me.

 

[tapero]

Dear Jukari,

Hi, I am sorry for your troubles. The only answer that I have would be to draw near to Christ. You can't let other Christians dictate because of the way they are, your relationship to God. Your relationship to him has nothing to do with other people.

You can just ask your wife out on a date. You asked how to go about it. Just tell her you want to go out.

You sound a little depressed too; maybe that is why you feel apathetic, but nothing but God can get you excited about life again. Bless you, Tapero

 

[Anti Existance]

The change wouldn't mean 'become a missionary' im sorry if it looked that way, i just wanted to say 'drastical change of your life' , if you think you can achieve that by the gradual change that you've mentioned, then whatever works for you is ok with me.

Oh and if you goto church never look at the people, only listen to the words of Jesus. There are always wolves in sheeps clothes amongst the people who goto church even amongst christians , many rabbi's,pastors,preacher are in for hell because they simply don't practise what they preach.

 

[jukari]

Dear Jukari,

Hi, I am sorry for your troubles. The only answer that I have would be to draw near to Christ. You can't let other Christians dictate because of the way they are, your relationship to God. Your relationship to him has nothing to do with other people.

You can just ask your wife out on a date. You asked how to go about it. Just tell her you want to go out.

You sound a little depressed too; maybe that is why you feel apathetic, but nothing but God can get you excited about life again. Bless you, Tapero

I try not to let other people affect my relationship with god. I'm probably weird, but I usually hold the belief that you can be devoted to god without going to Church. I don't see why I should goto Church, simply to be judged by others, most of the time. Even if I wanted to goto church, I wouldn't know which church to goto.

As for asking my wife out, like I said before, the main ideas for dates that I usually think of involve money. Like going out to a movie, going bowling, going out to eat, etc. We've done some of those recently, but I'd rather spend more time talking than *doing* something.

I probably sound a little depressed, because I am, at times. It's depressing when I try to fix my sleeping schedule, and then end up staying up till 2-3 in the morning, laying in bed, with my mind wandering onto different things, not allowing me to fall asleep. It's also depressing when my wife yells at me for something stupid, which happens sometimes.

The change wouldn't mean 'become a missionary' im sorry if it looked that way, i just wanted to say 'drastical change of your life' , if you think you can achieve that by the gradual change that you've mentioned, then whatever works for you is ok with me.

Oh and if you goto church never look at the people, only listen to the words of Jesus. There are always wolves in sheeps clothes amongst the people who goto church even amongst christians , many rabbi's,pastors,preacher are in for hell because they simply don't practise what they preach.

That's something I could never understand. Why goto church, if you're not there for the other people. You can listen to the words of Jesus at home. I really see *no* reasons to goto Church. It's doubtful that I will.

 

[searchingforGodlyanswers]

I will pray for you that God help you. Have you talked with God on this and also asked Him for solutions and to guide you? If things do not change right away, please give Him time. After all, He is the best to talk to. Sometimes when I have some serious problems, all I can do is cry out, "Help me" repeatedly.

I am sorry about all the problems you are having.
Are you tired of being like this and want change? Then God can change you and the situation. Maybe you can't change others, but God can change you and your outlook if you are willing to let Him work in and on you.
The Bible says something along the lines of delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the delight(s) of your heart.

Also just some stuff to think about checking out if Holy Spirit puts it on your heart to do so:
www.joycemeryer.org
http://www.creflodollarministries.com/
It's free to listen to them online, and they often times have good series. If you have cable, you can watch them too. Sometimes when I have had problems with myself and others and have felt down, listening to Joyce Meyer has helped. She has really gone through a lot, so she actually knows where she's coming from too. Will you commit to just watching her sometime for 30 minutes for 30 days?

Have you sat down with your wife and talked with her about how you really feel about everything? If you want, you can take her out on a picnic to the park if there's one nearby. Maybe you could have a devotional hour with her too. You can ask her how she feels about the thought of setting up "date night" on a regular basis where you and she just turn off the pc and t.v. and just take a walk and talk or have a candle light dinner at the house. Also some churches have support groups for free that resemble group therapy in a hospital. Another suggestion is to have just a fellowship of the 2 of you for the time being, just set up a time and date: where 2 or more are gathered there He is in the midst. I can sympathize with you for my husband and I have gone through the ringer ourselves and still have to deal...

Also maybe if you could pick up a hobby like walking or something. There was a church martial arts class for really cheap and the first month was free. Some churches also offer free exercise classes (one around here offers aerobics but it's way too early for me lol).
Some things you could do with your wife or alone. When she sees changes in you, maybe she'll want to check this out and other stuff out too.

http://www.christianheritageworks.com/davidwatkins.htm
http://www.christianheritageworks.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=godly
Do you have a question, a problem, or a dilemma for which you'd like some Godly Advice? Ask Dr. David L. Watkins, a Christian psychologist and counselor as well as retired Episcopal priest.

Note: You do NOT need to include your real name or email address if you prefer to remain anonymous.

Check out the Godly Advice interactive forum!


About David Watkins: Born and raised in West Virginia, David Watkins attended West Virginia University, Kenyon College, and the University of Charleston. After receiving a BA in History in 1957, he became a seminary student at Nashotah House, an Episcopal seminary in Wisconsin, where he received a Masters Degree in Divinity in 1960.

Watkins has served parishes in West Virginia and South Carolina. In addition to parish work, he served as the Episcopal chaplain to correctional facilities in South Carolina, and to the University of South Carolina. His last parish was Trinity Episcopal Church in Morgantown, West Virginia.

Watkins returned to graduate school at the age of 50. In 1984, he was awarded a Masters Degree in Social Work and, four years later, a Doctoral Degree in Counseling Psychology. Some of his graduate training was with Dr. Robert Goulding, the founder of Redecision Therapy, a blend of Transactional Analysis and Gestalt.

In 1988, Watkins completed The Dayspring Counseling Manual, a new therapeutic program which blends body, mind, and spirit.

“To treat only the body and mind, leaving out the human spirit, is like trying to sit on a three-legged stool with only two legs!” says Watkins.

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Just ask God what He wants you to do for now. I hope you see lasting changes soon, even if they be gradual.
Maybe by you posting this, you are helping others too who are going through the same or similar situation too.
There may also be a church in or near your area where most realize all of us are sinners and have God's grace. I used to be afraid to attend church and counseling because of some things that have happened, and sometimes I am still afraid, but the Bible says to fear not and be of good cheer and forgetting the things of the past to press on. But also we need to get out the bad roots in us so that we can feel joy because Jesus came to give us the abundant life.

 

[tapero]

I try not to let other people affect my relationship with god. I'm probably weird, but I usually hold the belief that you can be devoted to god without going to Church. I don't see why I should goto Church, simply to be judged by others, most of the time. Even if I wanted to goto church, I wouldn't know which church to goto.

Dear Jukari,

Hi, I never mentioned going to church. I just talked about drawing near to God and he willl draw near to you. God bless you. Tapero

 

[jukari]

Dear Jukari,

Hi, I never mentioned going to church. I just talked about drawing near to God and he willl draw near to you. God bless you. Tapero

I know you didn't, the response was in response to the quoted text by Anti Existance.

 

[Little_Angel_of_Yahweh]

Hi!!