I have been married for almost 11 years and I have 3 children but I am not in love with my husband. He is just not the guy for me, we fight all the time, he never really helps with the kids. I'm trying to go to school and take care of the needs of my children and while he does work alot and that is great for the family. He would rather work than be home. He says that's all he knows how to do. He spends alot more time helping others out than he does me. He has unfinished projects around the house, he wakes up on a weekend morning and turns the t.v. on. I have to tell him to play with his kids. I am a stay at home mom and don't work and I don't have any family support. Could he really change and make me love him again or could this be it?
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What should I do about my marriage!?!?
- Thread starter Kelly326
- Start date
You really have to ask yourself several questions?
Have I given this marriage to God and let Him work on it?
Will my children be BETTER off without my spouse?
Will it improve my quality of life without my spouse?
I, over time, answered these questions and am now heading into divorce.
Really care about my wife but she lives for her friends and partying(UY Eight years now), and basically wanted me to hang onto the marriage(and my paycheck)until she figured out what she "wanted". I have to move on with the rest of my life
. I knew God was ok with it(her infidelity gave biblical grounds-also she blames God for our marital woes), and the kids were actually really ok with it. Mom and dad are more "friendly" now. You really need to make sure The Lord is ok with it-it really makes the whole divorce process much easier with Him on your side
Have I given this marriage to God and let Him work on it?
Will my children be BETTER off without my spouse?
Will it improve my quality of life without my spouse?
I, over time, answered these questions and am now heading into divorce.
Really care about my wife but she lives for her friends and partying(UY Eight years now), and basically wanted me to hang onto the marriage(and my paycheck)until she figured out what she "wanted". I have to move on with the rest of my life
. I knew God was ok with it(her infidelity gave biblical grounds-also she blames God for our marital woes), and the kids were actually really ok with it. Mom and dad are more "friendly" now. You really need to make sure The Lord is ok with it-it really makes the whole divorce process much easier with Him on your side
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Thank you for replying. I got married young and had my kids young, I wanted to be better than my parents. I've lasted longer than they did in a marriage! Those are tough questions to ask myself. I have to admit I haven't given god much these past couple years. Things kind of fell apart and I was angry with god so I haven't really looked to him for help. I want to find my way back to him but things are tough now. I am def. playing the why me card. I need to stop doing that but that's a process in it's self. Thank you again
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Getting a right relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ should be a top priority for you. Some of these other problems may be fixed if that happens.
It sounds like you have a hard-working husband who probably doesn't beat you, cheat on you, or gamble away the milk money. You shouldn't divorce a man like that. It's not good if he doesn't take initative to spend time with the children, and maybe you should remind him to do that and try to persuade him to improve, but without doing it in a nagging manner.
If you've got bad feelings toward him, that may be why he'd prefer to work and stay out of the home. If he senses that his wife doesn't love him, like him, and respect him, he may just want to work late to avoid getting an ear-full.
If you want your relationship with your husband to change, pray about it. Pray that you will having a loving, respectful, submissive attitude toward him. Read Ephesians 5 about what marriage is supposed to look like.
You could write down all the good things you can think of on a piece of paper, then throughout the week, take a portion of those things and thank God for them. Then offer him some encouragement based on that day's portion of the list when he comes home. Tell him, "I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate how hardworking you are...." Then, encourage him about that trait. When he comes home, be at the door to greet him with a smile, a hug, and a really long kiss. Say things like, "I am so happy to see you at home." Have the kids ready to greet their daddy like that. Let him relax a while, and then go into praising him for positive traits. Then have one of those long conversations like you used to have back when you were dating. See if he doesn't try to get off early to come home after a little while of this. He may start treating you so well, too, that you'll genuinely be eager to see him at the end of the day.
It sounds like you have a hard-working husband who probably doesn't beat you, cheat on you, or gamble away the milk money. You shouldn't divorce a man like that. It's not good if he doesn't take initative to spend time with the children, and maybe you should remind him to do that and try to persuade him to improve, but without doing it in a nagging manner.
If you've got bad feelings toward him, that may be why he'd prefer to work and stay out of the home. If he senses that his wife doesn't love him, like him, and respect him, he may just want to work late to avoid getting an ear-full.
If you want your relationship with your husband to change, pray about it. Pray that you will having a loving, respectful, submissive attitude toward him. Read Ephesians 5 about what marriage is supposed to look like.
You could write down all the good things you can think of on a piece of paper, then throughout the week, take a portion of those things and thank God for them. Then offer him some encouragement based on that day's portion of the list when he comes home. Tell him, "I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate how hardworking you are...." Then, encourage him about that trait. When he comes home, be at the door to greet him with a smile, a hug, and a really long kiss. Say things like, "I am so happy to see you at home." Have the kids ready to greet their daddy like that. Let him relax a while, and then go into praising him for positive traits. Then have one of those long conversations like you used to have back when you were dating. See if he doesn't try to get off early to come home after a little while of this. He may start treating you so well, too, that you'll genuinely be eager to see him at the end of the day.
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A excellent book if you haven't heard of it is the Five Love Langauges by Gary Chapman.
The book has saved many marriages and can be a great help. I tried it but unfortunately the both of us didn't see it through. I agree with getting the relationship with God right first. I'm not sure why you are mad at God. Guess I could too since I had skin cancer at 23 and lost part of my ear due to surgery. Of course my mother died 5 years earlier. Lost my dad two years ago and an aunt that I was close too last year. Both sets of my grandparents have also perished within the last years. Now I'm heading into divorce because I basically chose to walk away from my "old life" of sin into a "new life" with Jesus Christ. My wife INSISTS that me finding God caused the majority of our marital woes. I quit partying and living that lifestyle which she continued in and eventually made a major part of her life. Her only happiness in the end was her girlfriends(and others), to satisfy her partying lifestyle. So you see, I can also be mad at God - but why would I turn my back on the ONLY ONE that has been with me when I went through all these hard times. I may not know much, but I do know this: if you give it to HIM and trust HIM you will see things start to change in your life for the better. As long as you deny HIM then without His help you will be doomed to fail. Say this from personal experience. Every time I try to fix things I screw it up-when I give it to HIM it ALWAYS gets better!!
The book has saved many marriages and can be a great help. I tried it but unfortunately the both of us didn't see it through. I agree with getting the relationship with God right first. I'm not sure why you are mad at God. Guess I could too since I had skin cancer at 23 and lost part of my ear due to surgery. Of course my mother died 5 years earlier. Lost my dad two years ago and an aunt that I was close too last year. Both sets of my grandparents have also perished within the last years. Now I'm heading into divorce because I basically chose to walk away from my "old life" of sin into a "new life" with Jesus Christ. My wife INSISTS that me finding God caused the majority of our marital woes. I quit partying and living that lifestyle which she continued in and eventually made a major part of her life. Her only happiness in the end was her girlfriends(and others), to satisfy her partying lifestyle. So you see, I can also be mad at God - but why would I turn my back on the ONLY ONE that has been with me when I went through all these hard times
. I may not know much, but I do know this: if you give it to HIM and trust HIM you will see things start to change in your life for the better. As long as you deny HIM then without His help you will be doomed to fail. Say this from personal experience. Every time I try to fix things I screw it up-when I give it to HIM it ALWAYS gets better!!
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