What now?

[shastajade]

So my boyfriend is moving an hour and a half away to go to college in two weeks. We love eachother and want to marry eachother. But I got overwhelmed the other night and called him and WAS going to break up with him because of my emotions of not being able to live by him, see him except once a month and whatnot. I was just gonna explode with all these things i was feeling, so I jumped to the extreme about it. We talked for about 3 hours and had to continue it on a later day. I realized halfway through the talk, that I just let my emotions take over and I never wanted to break up with him. I love him, he's worth the wait, and I want to marry him. I even told him that.

But now, he is all thinking doubtful and contemplating between proving that all the things he once said about wanting to marry me someday were sincere, or breaking my heart. This really kills me. I guess I thought guys didn't go by emotions like girls did, so the fact that he's contemplating it gives me the view that he isn't willing to work on it to TRY to make it work, and he's just going to give me up so easy. I am so in love with him. When we tried to talk last night, all I could do is cry. I just held him. It felt so good to just hold him.

Anyhow, we were also supposed to get officially engaged by the end of this year. And to me, that is a great commitment to me and he has told me that once he gets engaged, there is NO turning back. He Will marry me. I want that. Until then, I just know I am in love with him and want to marry him...what should we do?

 

[Living4Him03]

Being in love with someone and being ready to marry them are COMPLETELY different things. Love is first and foremost a committment. Pray about it and ask God to give you peace about the situation. It doesn't sound like the two of you are ready to marry yet. You both need to do some growing. Maybe you should take a break for awhile, keep your friendship going via email and all that, and see where God leads. I know it's hard to break up with someone you care for so much, but if you really love him you'll want God's best for him and that may mean letting him go to college and grow and become the man God wants him to be.

 

[mathias1979]

If you both agree with it, you might as well at least try out a long distance relationship. Some couples can handle them well...others can't. But people do change a lot in college...so you've got to be prepared for that. If you find yourself having trouble handling it at any point, then don't hesitate to explore other options. So try out the long distance thing, but don't hold on to it too strongly and be prepared for the worst. Of course, lots of prayer is always a good thing too

-Matt

 

[Iggster]

My LDR is almost a full year. Give or take a few days.

My s/o was so worried that my ex-g/f would come back in my life. That was her insecurity. But I loved her enuff to tell her what I was doing for the day, or the weekend, so she'd never have to worry. She still did. But she got over it after a few days. I told her everything. When I got hit on by a girl (even guys), I would tell her. When a friend was trying to set me up, I would tell her.

The only reason why he's thinking of breaking up with you is because he thinks that's what you want him to do. You know that saying," If you love someone, you'd let them go." That could be going on in his head right now. Be up front and tell him you are insecure about his move. But don't ever threaten the relationship because you're feeling uncomfortable about something that's going on in your relationship.

Lastly, pray about this. That's actually my best suggestion to you. For God's will will always be done.

 

[shastajade]

I am in love with him. And I do want to marry him. Not today, probably not even next year, but eventually, I want to marry him.

I will definatly and have been praying about this. I don't want us to break up. I am willing to work out a long distance relationship. I have never wanted to do something like that, but I am completely in love with him and want to marry him. We are supposed to get engaged by the end of this year.

I know that we would both be very honest about things that went on in our lives so that the other one doesn't worry.

But what do you mean by people change in college? Just curious.

 

[Music4_Him]

I've been in an LDR for about two yrs now. my S/O is in the military, we broke up, and have bene together straight for a yr and 1/2 now..almost to the day When we broke up, it wasn't excatly mutual either....and we didn't talk for three months. we didn't get in a fight or anything. I just..let him go. i'll explain that if u really care to hear, but it's not important. anyhow, i haven't seen him in a yr, and he might finaly be coming home for a month in 25 more days..please pray that he does.

The only reason why he's thinking of breaking up with you is because he thinks that's what you want him to do. You know that saying," If you love someone, you'd let them go." That could be going on in his head right now. Be up front and tell him you are insecure about his move. But don't ever threaten the relationship because you're feeling uncomfortable about something that's going on in your relationship.

I agree. Emotions come and go like crazy. It's hard to fight through them but its worth it.

About people changing in college....it's a major growing experience. You're out on your own, and you will learn tons more things about yourself, and mature a lot as well. You may find your interests are growing apart....feel free to correct me if I'm wrong Mathias.

and being an hr and a 1/2 away isn't bad at all. You can see him every weekend. Long distance is kind of nice in some ways because u get to really know the person, because u do a lot more talking. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Feel free to PM me. it's late and i'm sleepy...so I'm sorry if I'm super vague or none of it makes sence.

Just make sure that he knows that you just tripped out on him, and that you really love him and he means the world to you, and you would never want to ruin what you have and have every intention of getting married one day. .....if thats what you want. and Pray about it, God knows what he's doing.

 

[georgiaispeachy]

My S/O and I have been together for almost a year and a half. He left for college in January and was home for summer. Now he has gone back. Our LDR is very stressful and emotionally trying especially for me. He has 2 years left at school and needs to stay in the same place because for him to go into ministry this is the best place for him to be. He called me to see if I was ok with him becoming a preacher or going into youth ministry because it is a decision that will effect our future. We are really serious and I know I will spend the rest of my life with him. I am struggling with patience. Neither of us would prefer a long engagement, and right now it would be 2 years before we could get married if we wait for him to get out of school. There is the possibility of getting married while he is in school, but I would need to relocate 6.5 hours away from where we plan on living after we get married. But, honestly we will end up living whereever God leads him to preach. So, should we wait to get married so it is easier on him for his studies and continue to endure this painful time apart? Or should I seek out a full time job out there and move so that we can go ahead and begin our life together? It is so horrible to know that I am ready to marry him, I know he is the one, and yet we don't know if we should wait or not.

Confused~!

 

[Tuffguy]

I'm sorry but i'm seriously laughing at you. IT'S ONLY 1.5HRS AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't you have a car? Thats so darn close. Why can't you see him every week?

 

[refusethemark]

I have to agree there Tuffguy. My boyfriend and I are 5 hours apart and I go and visit him for weekends every 3rd week. I leave on Friday straight after school 3:15 (I'm a teacher) and get there about 7:30-8pm (about 2 of those hours are driving in darkness). I spend Fri night, Sat and Sun morning with him and then leave Sunday 2pm and get back home about 7:30 ish pm. Then I go back to work on Monday.

It's a long drive but he is worth it. We've been together 20 months. 1 year of it together and 8 months apart. We're going to be apart for another 17 months. We've determined that we are going to get through it and get married sometime next year probably at the end of that 17 months. It's been working out fine because we're both committed to seeing it through and spending our lives together eventually. So I really think 1 1/2 hours is NOTHING to stress about. Honestly.

 

[bliz]

I'm sorry but i'm seriously laughing at you. IT'S ONLY 1.5HRS AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't you have a car? Thats so darn close. Why can't you see him every week?

That's what I'm wondering... This is not an LDR! Lots of people commute an hour to their jobs on a daily basis. Is he on the other side of a snowy mountialn pass or something?