sioleabha said:
I'm posting because I don't know what to do from here. I don't know where to go. I can't believe that this is how it's supposed to be -- not really the depression, because I don't think I can expect God to just fix everything about me when I know other people are suffering too. But there has to be something, some way to know that you aren't the only one in this relationship. That God is there, too.
You say you are hanging onto your faith. What does that mean? Is it just the idea that one day you'll meet God? Is He not in your life right now? Isn't He supposed to be?
People told me before I was a Christian, and they keep telling me, that He's with them, they experience Him, that He's the father they never had (that I never had). Only for me He seems more like the father I did have -- not there. And I don't mean far from God for a time -- I mean NEVER close or even being able to know He was there except telling myself He must be.
And the reason I was getting upset was because I had people coming from this thread telling me in PM that He WILL BE, but that apparently I haven't really wanted it, or really prayed for it, or haven't really let Him into my heart. That it's my fault, I'm not trusting Him. When I AM.
So is He supposed to be here with me? Am I supposed to "experience" Christ with me? Or is it just this:
Just feeling good because of doing good things? If that's all it is, then people need to stop saying the other stuff, because it makes the rest of us feel like failures. I felt alone before, and now I've been feeling rejected by God Himself.
When I first became a Christian, I had difficulty understanding the concept of a "personal relationship" with the Lord. I didn't know much about the bible either. It took me several years to fully understand and absorb what it means to walk by faith.
I had to start reading the Bible because the answers are there. I picked up Bible handbooks anywhere I could get my hands on them. I read alot and I studied the word. I started attending Bible Study and Church. I purchased Praise and Worship (choir) music which I enjoy. I played my choir music (still do) every chance I got. Praise and Worship lyrics are drawn from scripture. Mostly Psalms.
The Bible says to seek the Lord with all you heart, mind and soul. We are to stand in his presence constantly and we are to pray without ceasing. Praying takes many forms. Just talking to God while you go through the day doing your daily activities is a form of praying.
I didn't quite understand the seeking until several years ago. I look for Him in everything now. I look at my blessings and thank God. Blessings are many: A roof over my head, food on the table, employment, good health, all animals, family and friends, the safety of family and friends, the good health they are in. All blessings. Thank you Lord.
I look at everything and relate it back to God. Nature is God's creation. I step outside and see the sky and the clouds and the color schemes. It's all beautiful. I thank God for the beauty. I see the wildlife and, again, I thank God. The sunshine, light, the stars . . . .all God's creation. This is how I stay connected to God. I read scripture slowly and I try and apply it in my own life. I try and understand it to it's fullest. In revelations, Jesus will return and come from the east. Well....the sun rises in the east. God is light. The sun is light. I connect all things back to God. I do this constantly in order to stay present in God. It works. If you stay present and keep your senses fixed on Him you can hear God speak to you. He speaks through dreams, people, coincidences, signs etc.
My testimony at the end of my blog is entitled "The Sparrow." God sent me three. If you have time, you are welcome to read it. Those three Sparrows are His words to me. If I wasn't seeking and trying to stay present in Him, I would have missed the signs. They would have been just three Sparrows and no more.
I have found that God is with us and He does talk to us, but we have to be in Him and be seeking Him in order to experience His actual presence. It's work to do this initially, but the searching, the seeking, the praying, the talking all become a part of us in every breath.
I view each breath I take as a gift of life and a gift of God. My heartbeat is God's gift. If I do relaxation techniques and focus on my breathing, I go right to God because He gave me the breath of life.
God is not male or female. "God is Spirit." You will find that verse in the Gospel of John.
There are Christians and then there are practicing Christians. Practicing means seeking, praising, worshipping, studying, thanking God, and trying to lead a holy life.
I have a prayer room with scripture and different crosses on the wall. I have God decorated in my house. I have angels, lambs, pictures of jesus, throughout the house. I do this purposely to direct me back to God in my thinking. We tend to wander away from God in our thinking. I do what I can to always stay present in Him. God may be trying to communicate to me, so I have to look for Him in everything in order to hear Him. If I don't do this, I may pass Him by and I may miss what He is trying to tell me.
This gets deep and it is very hard to descrbe because it's all about feeling Him and experiencing Him.
I hope some of this makes sense. Please read the Sparrow at the end of my blog. It may help clarify what I am trying to communicate herein.
Clinging to God. Trusting God. Surrendering everything to Him. These things at the beginning didn't make sense to me. They do now.
Peace and gentle moments to you,
InHisgripkim
