What Kind of Cultural Behavior Would Make One of Your Beliefs Open to Listening?

[Fuzzy]

I was wondering about common cultural or behavioral blunders one should avoid in telling someone else about a relationship with Jesus, for instance?

Starting a riot is generally considered bad form.

Standing near a non-Christian function or assembly place and being disruptive is generally considered bad form.

Leaving pamphlets on cars, sanctuary grounds, or in mailboxes just adds to
the waste in the landfill or the mounds of material at the recycling center.
If you do any of the above while wearing your company's uniform and doing your job, it may not be appreciated by your employer.

Solipsism is bad. Assuming we will see the light, or fit within a certain pattern, limits how effective you are. We are not you, and thus don't automatically have your perspective on things.

Breaking or stealing our stuff irritates us. Some of those crystals the witchy/new agey set have are actually irreplaceable. Other items may have sentimental value, regardless of our path.

A fire and brimstone sermon at an agnostic's funeral just shows you're there to recruit, not help the family grieve.

 

[hikersong]

A fire and brimstone sermon at an agnostic's funeral just shows you're there to recruit, not help the family grieve.

A fire and brimstone sermon at any funeral just shows you're there to recruit. I've been to a few. It's not nice. I've also been to one where an evangelical pastor I know preached a sensitive and respectful sermon for a man who committed suicide. It's possible. Not very common, but possible. The same man preached one of the most inappropriate recruiting sermons at the grave of a 19 year girl we knew who had died in a car crash. The latter came first. I think he may have gained a bit more wisdom and love in the meantime.

 

[Gardenia]

I was wondering about common cultural or behavioral blunders one should avoid in telling someone else about a relationship with Jesus, for instance?

Don't make assumptions about what I do, or do not, know. Many Christians seem to think that because I am a non-Christian, that I know nothing about Christianity, that I have not read the Bible, etc. ASK ME before you make assumptions. Likewise, if you don't know about my specific beliefs, ask - don't assume. Paganism covers a huge variety of traditions, some vastly different than others. Even folks in the same tradition don't always agree (heck, look at Christianity for an example of that). Again, ask, don't assume. Don't think you know what it is I believe better than I do, don't insist that I do X Y or Z when I'm telling you I do no such thing.

Don't belittle my beliefs, or my past experiences. Many non-Christians feel as strongly about their views as Christians do. Don't say things like "oh, you just didn't appreciate Jesus/didn't pray enough/didn't do this or that right - and that's why you aren't a Christian." Don't tell someone to just give your religion a try, because yours is better/the truth/whatever. You likely would not be willing to turn your back on your God, give up that relationship, just because someone else thinks you should, so why think others will?

Tell me about your relationship with God, but don't try scare tactics like hell and "better safe than sorry!" Don't make it a one sided conversation, either. Don't hand out pamphlets. Don't go for impersonal tactics. That makes me feel like you don't actually care for me as a person, but that I'm more some number on your 'good deeds' list. Get to know me, treat me with respect.

Really... think about how you'd like to be treated. Treat others with that respect, and accept if someone just doesn't want to talk to you. Some of us don't mind hearing your beliefs, talking to you about religion - doesn't mean we'll convert of course, but we may still be open to talking. Some don't want to talk. Don't push it, in that case.

 

[humblemuslim]

I was wondering about common cultural or behavioral blunders one should avoid in telling someone else about a relationship with Jesus, for instance? What would turn you off automatically to listening, and what would make you more accepting to listen about Christianity?
I know Muslims in some countries have a completely different culture than Americans.
Also, Bhuddhists and Jews and other people likely may have different ideas of politeness, especially if they are from outside the U.S. as well.

Since religion interests me, I am open to listen to anything.

The one thing I will not tolerate is having a conversation with someone who is not equally willing to reciprocate with listening.

I am referring to those people that no matter what response you give them they continue to go on with their dialogue as if you said nothing or nothing meaningful.

These people are typically considered rude,arrogant,unintelligent, and closed minded. Many of the negative attributes mentioned across several posts in this thread.

Since it is beyond my ability to judge these inner attributes, I simply assume the person is unwilling to listen and therefore is acting in a manner contrary than what I find acceptable in theological discussion.

This is of course not to be confused with people who hold beliefs they are not willing to change. This is a matter of how someone responds in a discussion regarding theology.

 

[Eudaimonist]

The one thing I will not tolerate is having a conversation with someone who is not equally willing to reciprocate with listening.

I am referring to those people that no matter what response you give them they continue to go on with their dialogue as if you said nothing or nothing meaningful.

These people are typically considered rude,arrogant,unintelligent, and closed minded. [...]

This is of course not to be confused with people who hold beliefs they are not willing to change. This is a matter of how someone responds in a discussion regarding theology.

Well said. This is a great point, although the people who would most benefit from this advice will ignore it like it had never been said.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[xDenax]

For starters, it would be helpful to not treat the person you're talking to like they've never heard of Jesus Christ or Christianity. I've noticed this in real life and on CF. There seems to be an assumption non-Christians have never been exposed to Christianity. Believe it or not, alot of us non-Christians were Christians at some point in our lives. And even for people who have never been Christian, would have some knowledge about your religion.

Yes, what she said. Don't assume we are ignorant. We just choose not to believe.

 

[nicknack28]

This will undoubtedly be some reiteration but here goes -- the top of a long list:

1. Don't ever tell me what I think or believe. If you want to find a label for me I'm all for it, but fit the label around me and not me around the label. Also, labels are wonderfully useful things for quickly assessing someone's view on something, but they are entirely unnecessary if you take the time to ask them their views instead. Not often do you need the cliffnotes if you know the entire work well.
2. Make few assumptions. If you're going to disagree with me then know what you're disagreeing with first. I'll have the patience to calmly and respectfully explain my position on things and all you have to do is ask for it.
3. Be open to change. Stubbornly believing something just because you have in the past or do in the present is pointless. People believe things because they perceive there to be good reasons for it. If you encounter good reasons to change your beliefs about something then do it! Don't hold on because you think consistency or tradition is best. People should always be looking to better themselves, not cement themselves.
4. Reflect long and hard on your own beliefs before asking me to reflect on mine. If can usually respect if you've different position than me on something if you've put real genuine independent thought into your position. Question yourself more than you question others, I'd recommend.
5. Be diplomatic. This isn't House (though I fracking love the show). If you're disrespectful to me then I couldn't care if you were a scientific or philosophical genuis -- I won't keep your company.
6. Don't feed me an anecdote. Anecdotal and emotional arguments are key to good propaganda, not good rhetoric or honest persuasion. To be honest this is one thing that gets on my nerves more than most others. Your feelings and stories are spiffy but leave 'em at home if trying to reach out to me.
7. Don't feed me poetry. This more pertains to debates but poetic language has absolutely no value in anything other than creative writing. Until you can communicate yourself using vernacular English then I will consider our discussion nothing more than literarily interesting.
8. Don't compromise your beliefs. Don't try to persuade me to meet you halfway on something just so that we can come to an agreement and you or I can say we've accomplished something. I'll be happy to explore what we agree on... but if you're trying to convince me of something don't just water yourself down until perpetually until you snag me. That's doing yourself a disservice and only shows that your beliefs were not genuinely considered in the first place.

This is very brief, off the top of my head, and obviously not even close to everything. I agree with pretty much everthing that's already been said in this thead. The biggest for me is being open to change. If you've already made up your mind about something and are not ready, willing, and eager to change your beliefs (even at the drop of a hat) when confronted with good reasons to I find it incredibly hard to have much respect for you.

We should always, always, always, be looking to update ourselves for the better.

 

[durangodawood]

Sounds like most people want a completely candid 2-way conversation on faith, rather than be the object of an evangelical infomercial.
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But thats not allowed, as I understand it. The evangelical expects the object to be willing to change his beliefs, while remaining unwilling to reconsider his own.
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[awitch]

Another "turn off":
I don't recommend involving your children. I think there was a segment in the Jesus Camp movie where people send their little kids to talk to others about religion. Who would turn down a cute little kid and possibly hurt her feelings by challenge the kid's religion? I would. Kids are not tool.

Do not attempt to proselytize in groups of more than 2 or 3 people. Do not tresspass. Do not block your target's path or intrude into their space. Do not touch or alter your target's property. In other words, do not do anything that might intimidate your target.

As far as other "turn ons":

I like the compare and contrast conversation. The format, "My religion says X about topic Y. What does your religion say?" works very well. I like to know the reasoning behind an idea and the exchange means both parties are actually interested and you're not just trying to sell me something.

Have a sense of humor. When I was chatting with some JWs, they told me that they couldn't do X because of reason Y. I started sincerely suggesting all sorts of loopholes (yes, some of them were silly) that would allow X, and they mistakenly thought I was mocking them and left. I was really curious.

 

[CRfan]

I've read responses, and I've seen some interesting and some valid feelings.
While I believe that the Gospel will be an offense to those who do not believe, I do understand there are some people who forget about the "gentleness and reverence" part in the Bible. Also, some go more into strictly emotionalism and manipulation instead of sticking with truth. Belief does produce emotion, but it isn't something you can command. It doesn't trump truth. A person can get emotional about a lot of things, so I don't base my beliefs on feelings alone.

Even as a Christian repetition is not considered a bad thing, which I'm sure Jews will find in their Torah? Am I right?
Still, I understand some will have already heard some things about Christ. Problem is that sometimes people have been turned off by so-called Christians or Christians' human mistakes and don't really know about God the way they think they do. They've had enough just to feel inocculated. You may have heard the saying Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than being in a garage makes you a car.

I think it is difficult on a forum to communicate one on one, although the section where one asks a question and others respond is better for learning more about where one person is coming from. I try to show I care in general, and when I'm focused on one person that is easier. I know that my patience isn't what I would like it to be, still I don't want to be rude in my response even though I can bristle at what some people say.

I do believe that many Jews who are really into what they believe will know more about the Torah than those who do not really investigate their own beliefs. Some Christians have read other books for the purpose of understanding where others are coming from. In school, I was in a class where we learned a little about other major faiths, and we visited a Buddhist temple...touring with one of the people there.

I read my Bible a little every day generally, as well as listen to people once or twice a week who are more scholarly explain it where I get new things out of it. I really benefit greatly and feel closer to God when I spend time with Him. I imagine people say who are into Judaism or Islam have leaders who do not agree on every single interpretation of the Torah or Qur'an.

Really, nobody can sell you a relationship with God. They can just demonstrate what they believe as well as verbalize. It has to be genuine. Of course, if you see someone not living what they believe, that's not a good testimony. Even real Christians are going to do some things wrong. Paul in the Bible wanted other Jews to believe so much he could almost wish that he was accursed for his brethren. I think that shows how much he loved his fellow people of Israel. Moses in Exodus 32:31 expressed a similar love. I don't know where that would be in the Torah.

I haven't handed out tons of tracts, but the relatively few times I have I asked if the person would read it usually...or if they wanted it. I think it's okay to put a tract in a place where lots of other reading materials are available, and have done it occasionally. I do know there is a risk it will be thrown out. I do think a person should back off if the person isn't wanting to hear. I do believe that God is the one that makes a person open to hearing, so if the person doesn't want to listen then you shouldn't shove a tract up their nose or shout at them.
Public preaching is okay in my view in an appropriate place, as a person can choose to listen or not.
Well, these are just my first thoughts. I'm interested in more views...especially about cultural ways to communicate. Many of you are from the U.S., but I notice not all.

So, where are you coming from besides what you've shared already? Some shared they went to church before. I believe that true Christians will not fall away.

 

[durangodawood]

In school, I was in a class where we learned a little about other major faiths, and we visited a Buddhist temple...touring with one of the people there.

I think knowing a little about Buddhism is typically worse than knowing nothing.
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I think this might also apply to all religions.
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[Eudaimonist]

I think knowing a little about Buddhism is typically worse than knowing nothing.
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I think this might also apply to all religions.
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It also applies to any discussion of evolution.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[awitch]

While I believe that the Gospel will be an offense to those who do not believe,

I am not offended by the Gospels and there are many valuable lessons contained within. The offense usually lies in the occasional bad behavior of a few, loud, people who profess the Gospels.

I think it is difficult on a forum to communicate one on one, although the section where one asks a question and others respond is better for learning more about where one person is coming from. I try to show I care in general, and when I'm focused on one person that is easier. I know that my patience isn't what I would like it to be, still I don't want to be rude in my response even though I can bristle at what some people say.

I can tell that you are sincere in your question, and your concern is very much appreciated. I would be happy to discuss the topic further in a private conversation if you would like.

 

[hikersong]

In my own response to your OP CR I said this:

IYou would have to trust me when I tell you that I have thoroughly tested out Christianity in my life, and, for me, it is not the answer. Could you do that?

At the end of your responses to everyone in general you said this:

Some shared they went to church before. I believe that true Christians will not fall away.

All though you weren't responding to me directly, it seems you're saying that you wouldn't believe me when I say that I was a real christian, and that now I'm not. I was, and now I'm not. If you couldn't accept my own testimony, why should I accept yours? Do you understand why I might feel that way, and can you see that it doesn't reflect well on your own judgements if you feel you can make them without even knowing me.

I was going to ask why you think I wasn't a genuine christian, but I am familiar with the usual answers, and I think you have to get past them before there is a possibility of fruitful conversation. They are just a cop out really, to avoid awkward truths.

 

[Tinker Grey]

While I believe that the Gospel will be an offense to those who do not believe ... *snip*

This reminds me that there are too many who think that since "the Gospel will be an offense" they have license to behave offensively.

 

[Fuzzy]

I'm going to address some of your points, and have editted for brevity's sake.

While I believe that the Gospel will be an offense to those who do not believe,

There are parts that some believers find offensive, too.

Still, I understand some will have already heard some things about Christ. Problem is that sometimes people have been turned off by so-called Christians or Christians' human mistakes and don't really know about God the way they think they do. They've had enough just to feel inocculated. You may have heard the saying Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than being in a garage makes you a car.

This sounds a lot like you're saying that the experiences some of us non-Christians have had were with practitioners who were not "True Christians," despite those practitioners thinking they were.

I think it is difficult on a forum to communicate one on one, although the section where one asks a question and others respond is better for learning more about where one person is coming from. I try to show I care in general, and when I'm focused on one person that is easier. I know that my patience isn't what I would like it to be, still I don't want to be rude in my response even though I can bristle at what some people say.

I agree with your assessment of online communication, and appreciate your candor.

Public preaching is okay in my view in an appropriate place, as a person can choose to listen or not.

Tehre's a line, though, between instructional and inflammatory.

So, where are you coming from besides what you've shared already? Some shared they went to church before. I believe that true Christians will not fall away.

This is a bit of an insult. I assume it was unintentional, and that your sentiment is that faith can help you overcome any distractions that may lead you astray. Your reference to "true Christians" indirectly implies that
people who left Christianity were not "true Christians," despite a belief in and a relationship with Jesus Christ, an adherance to Christian morality with various levels of orthodoxy, and generally doing things they perceived Christians around them doing. Stuff like praying, going to church, charitable and altruistic works, fall festivals, pancake breakfasts, all that sort of thing.

At some point, despite doing all the "Christian things," it didn't satisfy. There was a crisis of faith, possibly a Sisyphean one where they (generic they) did what everyone around them was doing, and it just wasn't happening. They considered themselves Christian and their peers considered them Christian. So what next?

 

[b&wpac4]

So, where are you coming from besides what you've shared already? Some shared they went to church before. I believe that true Christians will not fall away.

The problem you run into with someone like me is that you'll never make your square Jesus fit into the round messiah hole of Judaism. I spent a lot of time after I lost my faith in Christianity kicking around a lot of atheistic views, as well as exploring other faiths before I realized my problem with Christianity lay in the idea of an eternal punishment for lack of belief in one, spectacularly undocumented event as well as the fact that Jesus didn't fulfill the prophecies about the messiah.

So began my exploration of Judaism.

If you want someone like me to listen, you have to explain why Jesus was the messiah, and do so when I can tear your proof-texts apart.

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

Blind post

I was wondering about common cultural or behavioral blunders one should avoid in telling someone else about a relationship with Jesus, for instance? What would turn you off automatically to listening, and what would make you more accepting to listen about Christianity?

It's not about cultural behaviors and blunders that turns me away from listening to anyone's faith. It's small- and closed-mindedness beliefs-wise and this insane idea that there is only one way to God. If that's what you're toting.. I don't want any of it no matter how culturally sensitive you are

Besides, as a former Christian, and someone who studies religions in-depth (especially Christianity), there's very little anyone could say to me anyway that would make a difference. I've heard it all.

 

[hikersong]

BTW BA, I like your signature. The Childfree and Proud one. I sometimes mention my children on this forum, and I am very proud of them, but I like the fact that you don't see procreation as the be all and end all. In fact I suspect if I knew what I know now about things like over population I would have had a smaller family. Alas, I have lost the chance of getting brownie points on that score. But it's good to see someone proudly proclaiming a relevant view that runs counter to the norm.

 

[Gardenia]

So, where are you coming from besides what you've shared already? Some shared they went to church before. I believe that true Christians will not fall away.

See, this is the sort of statement I don't really like to hear. Others have also said why, but in short it invalidates the past experiences of the person. It's the sort of thing that's not beneficial to a real discussion.