What is wrong with me?

[oneofthem]

Hey.

I haven't been here for ages.

I'm a girl, and i am having a really hard time not looking at girls. I have that problem nearly all the time these days, although i seem to manage okay. I'm conscious of what's around me and i make a point of not looking in the direction if i know something is there that i would want to look at.

Awhile ago, maybe about 4 or 5 months ago, i was struggling really bad. I ended up coming across something on line (completely by accident) showing girls posing and stuff, dodgy ads for some dating site. It triggered me, and i looked at it and even clicked on some of the pictures. Then a few days after that, i went back to the same site for the purposes of looking at it, i couldn't get it out of my head.

What is wrong with me? Why is this coming up now, as opposed to the times i was exposed to all this rubbish eight years ago? I know God designed me to be straight. I get really confused sometimes, because my mind seems to be wired like a guy. You know, all those generalisations. Spatial ability, abstract relationships, visual, prefers maps over directions, all of that.

Then four days ago, i had a dream that i saw stuff online again and i was really struggling not to click on stuff. I had images in my head when i woke up, and they've been with me since.

What is going on? Who can i talk to, other than someone who is paid to listen to me for an hour every week?

I would really draw strength to hear from others who have been through this, and who can walk with me right now.

Thanx

oneofthem

 

[Akathist]

First, why not talk to a counselor? I think that would be a great step to take. Another is to talk to your Minister or Priest.

You are having temptations and I believe you need time in prayer and bible reading. I suggest before using the computer that you say a prayer. Maybe listen to Christian music while surfing the net. I have an image (icon) of Christ that is right here on my computer desk looking right at me as I work on the computer. It is a card I got and I taped it to the hardrive on the side that faces me.

So, I also think not only of what I am looking at, but what gets recorded on that hardrive.

Women can be fully straight and still find that looking at provocative poses of other women stimulating. But I think that it is nto because we want to be sexual with those women but that we wish we could look as they look and be stimulating to men as they are. Maybe this is not the case for you. But I know I have struggled with that myself.

I do the things I mention in this post to help me.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Hey.

I haven't been here for ages.

I'm a girl, and i am having a really hard time not looking at girls. I have that problem nearly all the time these days, although i seem to manage okay. I'm conscious of what's around me and i make a point of not looking in the direction if i know something is there that i would want to look at.

When you struggle with this area, that is wise for you to do. It is a good plan to help you, imho.

Awhile ago, maybe about 4 or 5 months ago, i was struggling really bad. I ended up coming across something on line (completely by accident) showing girls posing and stuff, dodgy ads for some dating site. It triggered me, and i looked at it and even clicked on some of the pictures. Then a few days after that, i went back to the same site for the purposes of looking at it, i couldn't get it out of my head.

What is wrong with me? Why is this coming up now, as opposed to the times i was exposed to all this rubbish eight years ago? I know God designed me to be straight. I get really confused sometimes, because my mind seems to be wired like a guy. You know, all those generalisations. Spatial ability, abstract relationships, visual, prefers maps over directions, all of that.

We were created sexual being hon. God gave us that gift. It's not being wired like a guy, it is more about what our needs are. I don't know what happened 8 years ago that you struggled, but it is common that once we have struggled with this, that there may be times this issue is triggered in the future. Even once we've resolved it and healed from it, sometimes the brain just does what it does, and we have to reaffirm what we chose previously.

Maybe it's a temptation that you need to run straight to the throne - an attempt on the evil one's part to move you away from Christ, and to get you back onto his turf. I know it's tough, I've unfortunately struggled with this in the past. I sometimes have to reaffirm my choice to honor God and remain pure in my thoughts, and there have been a couple times I've had to ban myself from the computer until the urges past.

Then four days ago, i had a dream that i saw stuff online again and i was really struggling not to click on stuff. I had images in my head when i woke up, and they've been with me since.

Once we give in to the urges to look at picture/women/etc., then it re-awakens the struggle that was there, and it gives back some grounds to satan. When this has happened to me, I had to go straight to God, and to my accountability person/mentor and did everything possible to remove that open door. Time will ease this, as long as you don't give in to it. When you give in to it, it will make the urges stronger.

What is going on? Who can i talk to, other than someone who is paid to listen to me for an hour every week?

Is there a support group in your area, perhaps a recovery group at a local church? There are online resources such as Setting the Captives Free. There is also here where you can be accountable. Perhaps we should start an accountability thread here for those who are needing to stay pure and have a place to check in weekly (or however often) that says how it's going. I do think there is a lot we can learn from professional counseling, particularly when our issues continue to come back up. Sometimes just a few sessions will help greatly.

I would really draw strength to hear from others who have been through this, and who can walk with me right now.

Thanx

oneofthem

Take good care of you. Be wise in your decisions that will help you to regain the upper ground, and take the steps you need to do to be at peace.

 

[Johnnz]

Women can be influenced by the sexual stereotypes in our society, and that can result in a degree of sexual interest. In itself that is nothing too much to worry about.

Sometimes previous sexual experiences can cause unhealthy or intense interest in sexual matters.

Sometimes a person is just very sexual and is easily aware of sexual material and feelings.

Sometimes people are just plain confused about sex and haven't fully integrated their sexuality into stable patterns.

Sometimes exposure to images can feed into any of the above, or just on its own. Then, their memories continue to send out messages and draw you in.
I would not draw any conclusions about your sexual orientation at this stage - too many issues needing to be examined.

Anything here register?

Bless you for your honesty.
John
NZ

 

[[serious]]

Nothing is wrong with you.

A lot of people have such feelings to a greater or lesser extent. There is no reason to feel guilty about an involuntary response.