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Discussion and Debate
Discussion and Debate
Ethics & Morality
What is true forgiveness?
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyDay" data-source="post: 55993036" data-attributes="member: 6146"><p>You can forgive her for the hurt she caused you in the past and for the hurt she will cause you in the future without ever forgetting that she is a hurtful person. Forgiving her for what she is doesn't mean pretending she is otherwise. </p><p></p><p>If by "trust" you mean pretend she is someone you want her to be rather than who she actually is, then you would be dishonest in the relationship, too.</p><p></p><p>I have a friend who lies compulsively (troubled childhood, plus OCD). When she tells me something, I don't automatically assume she's lying, but I know that she may be. If it's at all important, I'll verify. She's the oldest friend I have, but ... I do limit the contact I have with her to my own timing and terms. </p><p></p><p>You say your friend manipulates you - but she may honestly not think she does, she may think she's either being sincere at that moment or think that is simply what all people do (there are people like that, who are really, really good at manipulation because they practice it several times a day whether consciously or not, often not). </p><p></p><p>Now that you are aware of what's going on, it is your responsibility to deal with it - you can no longer blame only her. She can't manipulate you without your consent. If you feel like it is your Christian duty to continue to be friends with her, do it with a kind heart and your eyes open.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyDay, post: 55993036, member: 6146"] You can forgive her for the hurt she caused you in the past and for the hurt she will cause you in the future without ever forgetting that she is a hurtful person. Forgiving her for what she is doesn't mean pretending she is otherwise. If by "trust" you mean pretend she is someone you want her to be rather than who she actually is, then you would be dishonest in the relationship, too. I have a friend who lies compulsively (troubled childhood, plus OCD). When she tells me something, I don't automatically assume she's lying, but I know that she may be. If it's at all important, I'll verify. She's the oldest friend I have, but ... I do limit the contact I have with her to my own timing and terms. You say your friend manipulates you - but she may honestly not think she does, she may think she's either being sincere at that moment or think that is simply what all people do (there are people like that, who are really, really good at manipulation because they practice it several times a day whether consciously or not, often not). Now that you are aware of what's going on, it is your responsibility to deal with it - you can no longer blame only her. She can't manipulate you without your consent. If you feel like it is your Christian duty to continue to be friends with her, do it with a kind heart and your eyes open. [/QUOTE]
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