What Is the Purpose of Marriage?

[Polycarp1]

In many threads both on CF and elsewhere on the topics of same-sex marriage, the morality of divorce or of contraception, etc., it becomes evident to thread participants that different people bring to the table divergent understandings of the purpose(s) of marriage, and those threads often become bogged down in mutual misapprehensions of the assumptions of others as to the purpose(s) of marriage. For example, one person may suggest that providing a healthy home for children is "the purpose" behind marriage, and be challenged by the question that if that is the case, why is there recognition and acceptance of marriages between sterile people, marriages where the wife has passed menopause, etc. Therefore it struck me as a good idea to start a thread where those purposes are the specific topic for discussion.

If you see more than one fundamental purpose of marriage, please address how they intertwine or how they are prioritized.

In addition to the basic question of the purpose(s) of marriage, I would like to see us address the distinction between what marriages should be recognized at law, in the civil courts, vs. what marriages should be contracted/recognized in the churches. This would include both civil (=secular) and non-Christian religious marriages.

Bearing in mind that God expects ethical behavior in marriage from those who do not yet know or accept the Scriptures, if you found your answer in Scripture please expand on the bare quotation of Scripture to show how in your understanding it applies to everyone.

I understand that in the course of writing posts that address this OP and posts responding to it, you may find it necessary to speak of same-sex marriage, divorce, and/or contraception. This is not a thread about same-sex marriage, homosexuality, divorce, abortion, or contraception. If you find it necessary to address any of them, kindly do it briefly or as one element of a longer post. In accorance with CF moderation standards, the staff may delete posts by, and/or warn or infract, those who attempt to hijack the thread into these contentious topics.

It is about the purpose(s) of marriage generally, not about SSM, the morality of divorce, etc. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation on this.

While I do have my own answer to the OP in mind, I am refraining from answering in this initial post, in order to keep it from becoming merely a debate about my opinions and not those of everyone.

 

[OllieFranz]

To get the ball rolling, there are at least three different things called marriage, and there are different goal for each, and therefore different purposes.

First, there is the relationship between the couple. This is often formalized with a contract, a covenant or other commitment. Whether the parties involved in agreeing to the include just the couple, or one or both of the couple's families (especially the parents and/or patriarchs) varies from culture to culture, and some cultures recognize a commitment which was never specifically formalized ("common law" marriage). Some cultures also recognize marriage by rape -- in this case I mainly mean kidnapping, the old meaning of the word -- but often, unless it is a mock kidnapping as the heart of the marriage ceremony, rape in the modern sense is involved, or at least implied.

But despite the variations and peculiarities, for the vast majority, this first thing called marriage is a mutually agreeable commitment to the relationship. The goals include, in no particular order, companionship intimacy, sexual intimacy, child-rearing, economic security, and community building. It is difficult to imagine a marriage in the other two senses (other than perhaps marriages of convenience to fool some authority, or dynastic mergers with no love involved, neither of which is considered a "real" marriage) that is not also a marriage in this sense.

Second, there is the recognition of a union by the society (society in general, or secular society). This "legitimizes" the relationship, and establishes certain obligations of the couple to one another, and to their families, and the families obligations to the spouse. It establishes kinship for other purposes as well, such as inheritance.

In "advanced" (literate) societies, there are usually formal laws involved establishing which relationships society will recognize as marriages and outlining the couples obligations to the government, and the benefits the government bestows on the couple in return.

Often, one of the requirements is that someone authorized by the government (often a government official such as a mayor or a judge, but many governments license non-government persons to fill this role) to oversee the formal commitment, in order to verify that the government's requirements for recognition are met and to file a record to affirm that fact.

Third is another recognition by society, in this case, a religious community. The people who worship with the families of the couple call upon the God to bless the union, and to help the couple meet its goals (from the first definition) and the religious communities goals for the couple. These goals may include, for example, the religious upbringing and spiritual health of any children born or adopted into the couple's family.

It may be helpful in defining which goals you feel are more essential than others, to recognize which of the three perspectives on marriage supports those goals.

 

[ebia]

Good question. Subscribing to come back to.

 

[wayseer]

Our present concept of marriage is functional - socially, culturally and politically.

My own view is that humanity is all female and God is male - we are meant to be united with him - and him alone.

Read Songs.

If you are not in love with God .... ?

 

[ViaCrucis]

I don't think it would be incorrect to say that marriage is an icon of the Incarnation, or perhaps even an icon of Theosis. Reflecting, theologically, the union of God and man in Christ and our union with God in Christ which comes to its fullness in the Age to Come.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[wayseer]

Good points.

 

[dayhiker]

I see many reasons for marriage. I see two major reasons:

1. For the couple that wants a public long term commitment to each other and their families. As such it makes a good analogy about Christ's love for the church.

2. I think marriage is a great place to raise kids.

After that its what ever reason the couple wants marriage to be to them. Which I suspect would give a lot of reasons, that I'd look at as secondary in nature.

 

[Living in the Light]

Love -- the wedding ceremony symbolizes the couple's eternal love for each other.