What is my problem?

[Lorie]

Hi again,

I just want some feed back on what happen yesterday.

Yesterday my husband and i both had the day off. the kids were at school so we were alone together for the day for the first time in about 2 years. so instead of being home together we went shopping.

I hated every min of it!

I can not look at my husband for some reason. I always find something to do or look at so i dont have to. at first this was subconscious but now i know i do it and i do it all the time. so i spent the whole day with a man that i wont look at. i get really quite when i have to be with him... i just go into this depression or something? we dont talk, we dont laugh or do anything else i see other couples doing. i walk about 3 steps behind him so he cant see me not looking at him. i went into the bathroom at a couple of the stores and started to cry. i felt sick the whole time. i was off work and being paid for it and i wished i just would have gone to work instead.

I can usually handle going places if our kids are ther too. but i just cant handle being alone with him at all.

 

[Southern Cross]

Lorie - I gather from other posts that your husband is a good man. Do you think the way you feel might be a clinical issue vs. spiritual? Have you seen a psychologist or a psychotherapist? It's important for them to understand that you are a Christian, so you should definitely look for a Christian psychologist, they do exist.

It's normal to not want to be with someone from time to time. But it sounds like you are really battling severe depression. From what I understand, sometimes it's hidden, you don't always feel it, but you will pick someone to direct your feelings towards. You say you don't feel anything toward your husband - but you must feel something if you don't even want to look at him. You need healing. Please go see someone who knows how to sort out the way your are thinking on a conscious and subconscious level, and who also understands the biophysical problems that can cause this.

Please trust me when I say that I have known at least one woman like you. I won't go into details, but it was a miracle to see how much she changed for the better once she was diagnosed and experimented with different medications until they found the right one for her. She's off the meds now, she is fine. Some chemical imbalance in her brain needed to be reset. I'm not saying that's what's wrong with you, but please get checked out!

 

[Southern Cross]

And if you ever do consider taking meds, understand there is nothing wrong with that. Just be careful - some meds can compound those feelings. Wellbutrin is one - some reports out there indicate that people feel very good using it, but shut down emotionally toward important people in their life. So ask those questions -but please at least explore the options available to you.

 

[Lorie]

I plan too. I hate the idea of having to take a pill just to get through the day. I have taken them before but they made me very dizzy and the doctor i was seeing was stupid... lol so i stopped them. i am thinking i cant live without the pills now??

 

[Lorie]

some reports out there indicate that people feel very good using it, but shut down emotionally toward important people in their life. So ask those questions -but please at least explore the options available to you.

I have laready shut down!

 

[Southern Cross]

Yes, feeling shut down emotionally is reversible, regardless if this is a physiological/mental issue or a spiritual issue. You know how you feel. You just have absolutely no desire to be anywhere near the man. You are really there because of your children. You feel no love for him, and he knows it. And inside it's killing both of you.

So you need to go try different things. Try different meds. When I was going through marriage stuff early on, I got really off kilter. My doctor prescribed something for me to help me (he was really good at picking up on things, I was in for the flu or something) and I got very dizzy as well - for weeks. So try something else. Keep trying until you find something that works and helps you to feel better, then you can tackle the other marriage stuff too. That's why you need to have a doctor that is very willing to see you and talk things through, and with enough experience to recognize what's out there that might work for you.

Might I add it really really helps to have someone to cry with? To hug? Do you have a female friend like that?

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

This does sound like you may have a hormonal problem. Am I correct in understanding that you would like to have happy loving relationship with your husband?
Are there issues in your past that have not been dealt with, that you could be putting on your husband- such as your dad leaving your mom, rape, physical beatings, etc.?
You really need to get some Christian counseling, or something. If your hormones are not involved, I would still reccomend that book I told you about.
I wish I could help you, but I feel like I know so little about you, your background, and your life. Something is definately wrong if you would rather go to work, than to spend time with your husband. I will try to say a prayer for you tonight.

 

[bliz]

Depression was my first thought, as well.

The most effective treatment is a combination of talk therapy and medications. There are a wide variety of medications available and while your MD could prescribe, a psychiatrist who works only in one area of midicine will be better able to select the best one for you and help you make any changes if they are necessary.

Medications are just a combination of chemicles. For whatever reason your body is not getting enough of something, or not procesing it correctly. Taking madications is not an indication of lack of faith or weakness. All healing comes from God - if God reaches out and heals directly, if God uses a doctor or a pill, all healing is still from God.

I have been there - life turns to black and white instead of color and you have a hard time feeling anything, or at least anything positive - it can all be regained. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it really can all change!