What is my ex up to?

[akmom]

That's very odd...

If you need to speak with a pastor, surely you could find one without a conflict of interest! I hope that they are not using this church/pastor/religion to recruit your kids into the custody battle. It could be very confusing to your kids if they try to appeal to religion in their tactics.

 

[bethrow]

That is just weird. It's a new church for your former mother n law so she doesn't actually know them. I also feel the pastor is being judgemental toward you without even meeting you. Very inappropriate. What would meeting with him solve? Nothing. He needs to butt out.

 

[fields316_2000]

the way it came off to me was, they are manipulating me and my son to get some kind of sit down meeting with a pastor, who already has a one sided prospective / agenda from what my ex and her mom told him. They spoke highly of me in front of my son about how smart I am , know the bible and love the lord, so my son thought he was helping me out.

something deep down is telling me if I even call him there's going to a spiritual guilt trip about letting this court case go. for one, why out of the blue would they ask me to join them in a new church, when my ex doesnt even go and the dude she's with is an atheist? you'd think they'd work on their own house hold first

 

[bethrow]

the way it came off to me was, they are manipulating me and my son to get some kind of sit down meeting with a pastor, who already has a one sided prospective / agenda from what my ex and her mom told him. They spoke highly of me in front of my son about how smart I am , know the bible and love the lord, so my son thought he was helping me out.

something deep down is telling me if I even call him there's going to a spiritual guilt trip about letting this court case go. for one, why out of the blue would they ask me to join them in a new church, when my ex doesnt even go and the dude she's with is an atheist? you'd think they'd work on their own house hold first

I wouldn't call him. I'd also let your lawyer know what happened. I'm a little ashamed of the actions of the pastor. Did he actually call you a "Chicken" ?
Even if you told him your side whose to say he wouldn't go back and tell the mother and your ex?
What church is this? So I can remember to never go there when I'm visiting California.

 

[mkgal1]

but interestingly enough , as court approaches, my ex's mom took our youngest son to her new church last week. She, my former mother in law (whom i havent spoken to in years) told the pastor about me and the pastor sent his card with my youngest son to tell me to come to his church and meet him or I'm a 'chicken'

my son was so happy to feel like he was doing something positive I couldnt tell him how inappropriate that was. I told him I'd call later.

but over all, i thought it was super manipulative to have her Mom talk to a pastor about me (my son says they were talking me up about how Great a guy I am etc) and put my son to ask me to go with him, to this church with her mom and have a talk with the pastor - all a few weeks prior to court

I think your instincts are right. Often, this is called using "flying monkeys" (do you remember the scene in the Wizard of Oz with the witch's monkeys?). If a person persuades others to do their "dirty work" for them, it's much easier to disguise it all as them "just being helpful". The comment about you "being a chicken" if you don't go sort of proves (to me, anyway) that that pastor doesn't quite have *your* best interest in mind.

Still praying for you through every step of the way. God knows what's coming your way, and He won't leave nor forsake you (or your boys).

 

[mkgal1]

It could be very confusing to your kids if they try to appeal to religion in their tactics.

Good point.

 

[mkgal1]

I wouldn't call him. I'd also let your lawyer know what happened. I'm a little ashamed of the actions of the pastor. Did he actually call you a "Chicken" ?
Even if you told him your side whose to say he wouldn't go back and tell the mother and your ex?
What church is this? So I can remember to never go there when I'm visiting California.

I agree with Beth that you should let your lawyer know, and that this could possibly be a fact finding mission. I just wouldn't trust it at all.

 

[fields316_2000]

Thank you for the prayers and the insight - the guy gave my son a card with his name on it - Joe S. with his number. I can totally see where this could be a fact finding mission to where In this imaginary world I'd go , pour my heart out about all kinds of crazy things giving them some kind of leverage and a person to use against me in court.

Yes, He actually said to my youngest son that If I didnt go see him I was a chicken. Now, my oldest wasnt there- when he heard about it he said thats probably why he wasnt invited to this meeting because he would have told them a thing or two about his dad. If anything I'll call him AFTER all the court cases are done to see how spiritual he is.

 

[fields316_2000]

update : I seen my lawyer and several things that stuck with me were this-

1) the slander to the parents and team mates is noted and will be added to my court case. I have signatures from parents to make it credible.

2) the situation with the pastor sending me a card / me being a chicken is harassment and it's also wrong because she used our youngest son to pass messages.

3) her lawyer had a talk with my lawyer and she stated that she knows I'm a good father - but she has a job to do. I took a step back from that as such a compliment. what a surprise

 

[mkgal1]

She has a "job to do"? Does she mean a smear campaign is her "job"?

It's good to hear that she (at least) *knows* you're a good father (and that she admitted all that). It seems that if you give her enough rope.....she's going to eventually hang herself.

 

[fields316_2000]

Small update: I had mediation today

I get to the court house ready to sort this out with her. mind you, we have never been in the same room to actually talk about her cheating, her lieing or anything since i caught her in the act 4 years ago. naturally she went to the officials in the window and demanded that we have separate interviews because she wasnt comfortable.

the interviewer and I went into the meeting and he asked me my concerns. I detailed her verbal and sometimes physical abuse. he said he was familiar with this case because he spent the day reading our past cases.
- i told him about my sons being put in the middle of her constant rants and being sent to tell me messages.
-i mentioned they are big teens that are forced to sleep in the same twin bed for the last few years. why do that when they have access to their own rooms with me? its not a matter of one or the other why not both of us work equally to balance their lives?
- i mentioned that she slandered me to the players families and to my kids which isnt necessary or fair, as well as the going to the grammas church or im a coward comment.


and of course all the trials and tribulations with our son failing his classes and she still taking him to disneyland the night before a test
the mediator wrote down a great deal of notes and said it sounded like she lacked better judgement and had her priorities alittle off.

he asked me if i drink or have anyone live with me and i said no and when we got on the subject on work he side tracked the discussion to talk about obama and obama care. we actually spent quite awhile talking about alot of side topics until he lost track of time , told me that i need to tell my lawyer about the harassment . he said the judge needs to see that then said if we didnt actually follow the list we wouldnt ever finish the interview. he also told me he knows my ex was going to come into the meeting and completely deny everything and call me a liar. i told him 'of course i know exactly what shes going to say'

he laughed and told me the kids will come in next week to talk to him, he'll ask them questions and the judge has special orders to give that they wont be bothered by either parent about what was said or not said. i told him i have no problem with that

 

[Annessa3]

prayers for you Fields-

 

[bethrow]

Hope things turn out the way the best for you and the boys. Prayers headed your way.

 

[fields316_2000]

Thank you -

heres the next update :

the kids went to court and had a long talk with the mediator.

They came back to me this week and without me asking they vented about how much better they felt talking to someone about how they felt. they said the officials asked them how they are doing and they told them that they dont feel safe with their mom. she's constantly yelling or kicking them out - then when they try to reach me she locks them in the apt. they said she has little to know involvement with school work and her drinking is increasing (i didnt know this stuff)

they said they asked to come with me as much a possible and that the only time she is outgoing and nice to them is when its around court time - when they arent in court she cant be bothered. my oldest specifically said he's going to highschool and needs to be around me more than before because I've been helping him through jr high so with highschool he wants me there just that much more.

i guess the fella they talked to said he understands where they are coming from and hears what they are saying

 

[dayhiker]

That's great news, field. Thanks for the update. Now I guess the court has to act on that information?

 

[mkgal1]

That *is* great news! Praying for you and your boys. May this mediator do what-- it sounds like-- he knows is right (and quickly.....instead of dragging this out). So grateful your boys felt "heard".

When is the next mediation or court date.....do you know yet?

 

[fields316_2000]

Thank you all

The next date is july 8 for court. I'm hoping to get a copy of the report sooner than later to see what is put in print.

 

[fields316_2000]

Today was court - and to cut to the chase : WE won

(praise Jesus)

Ill tell you that the judge was not happy at all that with my kids mom. I had dates times and examples of wrong doing and itemized lists of all the classes that Ive had to take and finish- where as my kids mom had no reason for the fact our sons are having school trouble, there was no excuse as to her behavior over the years and she bizarrely had a two page declaration submitted to the court to prove she is willing to meet my girlfriend. my lawyer did not know what to do with any of that.

her arguement was that I have taken her to court too many times and its becoming harrassing. the judge actually yelled at her screaming ''WHAT ELSE SHOULD HE HAVE DONE NOTHING ELSE IS WORKING!'' he said that he has the report from our kids interview that detailed their feelings and wants. he got on her about her unpreparedness and actually sent her home to find documents that she claimed to have. when she finally got back he told her directly that hes awarding me what im asking for simply because she couldnt support the kids education and the boys are specifically asking to come back to me and their opinion weighs heavily in this situation .

thank you all for your support , advice and prayers!!

 

[bethrow]

Today was court - and to cut to the chase : WE won

(praise Jesus)

Ill tell you that the judge was not happy at all that with my kids mom. I had dates times and examples of wrong doing and itemized lists of all the classes that Ive had to take and finish- where as my kids mom had no reason for the fact our sons are having school trouble, there was no excuse as to her behavior over the years and she bizarrely had a two page declaration submitted to the court to prove she is willing to meet my girlfriend. my lawyer did not know what to do with any of that.

her arguement was that I have taken her to court too many times and its becoming harrassing. the judge actually yelled at her screaming ''WHAT ELSE SHOULD HE HAVE DONE NOTHING ELSE IS WORKING!'' he said that he has the report from our kids interview that detailed their feelings and wants. he got on her about her unpreparedness and actually sent her home to find documents that she claimed to have. when she finally got back he told her directly that hes awarding me what im asking for simply because she couldnt support the kids education and the boys are specifically asking to come back to me and their opinion weighs heavily in this situation .

thank you all for your support , advice and prayers!!

I am over the moon for you!!!!
Why in the world would she need to meet your girlfriend? What does that have to do with anything? She's nuts. Now....we'll pray she stays away and doesn't do anything stupid. Keep us updated on how things go.
Does she get visitation? I can't see the boys even wanting to go and see her.

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks field for coming back to share how well things have gone.
Praise God.