What is my ex up to?

[mkgal1]

I'm praying as well. It sounds as if the truth is being revealed.........I'm grateful with you.

 

[mkgal1]

Is the date set for your next hearing, Fields?

 

[fields316_2000]

we have court in July, meditation in June and I have a legal meeting in may. she very much do is narcissistic; she called our son an effing idiot when she got his report card then proceeded to guilt trip him about how she will never see him again because the court is going ti take him away forever soon. then said good bye before they even left for my weekend with them. I told them to relax because either way positive changes are coming and to give her a break because shes under pressure

 

[bethrow]

we have court in July, meditation in June and I have a legal meeting in may. she very much do is narcissistic; she called our son an effing idiot when she got his report card then proceeded to guilt trip him about how she will never see him again because the court is going ti take him away forever soon. then said good bye before they even left for my weekend with them. I told them to relax because either way positive changes are coming and to give her a break because shes under pressure

My friend is currently going through what you are going through. She has the children, but they go with him every other weekend and on holidays. The kids hate going with him because he is a bully and abuses them emotionally. They are just young, but they understand he's not right.
He's representing himself in court because, being the narcisisist that he is, he's so confident that he'll win without lawyers. Every lawyer he's had has backed out because they can't handle him.
Anyway...he bragged to people that he would throw acid on the my friend's lawyer and judge and then harm my friend. An anonymous letter was sent to the judge and everything stopped. A new judge is now looking at the case and it all starts all over again.
Maybe I'm too worried about her and watching too much of the crime channel lately seeing stories of narcisisists out of control.
Be careful. If she's nuts and possibly spiraling out of control...watch things closely.
My friend's husband is now involved with skinheads and people that could possibly harm her and her kids if her ex doesn't get his way.

 

[fields316_2000]

O m g!! That is tragic. I hope everything works out peacfully with your friends situation. My kids are just dealing with her verbally abusing them at this point , asking if they are stupid etc. I don't know what I would do if it escaltes to something really bad

 

[bethrow]

O m g!! That is tragic. I hope everything works out peacfully with your friends situation. My kids are just dealing with her verbally abusing them at this point , asking if they are stupid etc. I don't know what I would do if it escaltes to something really bad

Well hopefully it doesn't escalate. I just remember her bringing the boyfriend to the game and it was sort of done to intimidate you in a way. My friend's husband is crazy. We are also worried about sexual abuse at this point because the daughter has told the mother that she is made to sleep with him, but noone can prove it. She is only 9. The son can't do anything right in his father's eyes. He's been called stupid and gets yelled at alot.
Praying she doesn't go over the deep end and your kids can get the heck out of there.
Please let us know what is going on with the next court dates.

 

[mandelduke]

My exwife cheated on me, broke up the family and moved on with the guy she was seeing during the marriage - this was nearly 4 years ago.

we never spoke about anything when she was caught. she just up and filed for divorce the following day and told the court she was afraid for her life so i was told to move out. well i did. i ended up with my house back and some shared time with our kids.

up to this point, i've left her alone. i've never called her or text her about anything. i've never asked about her and i and never tried to get back at her.

however, recently shes been popping up in odd ways. she texts me here and there over nonsense (she told me one of my favorite athletes died to get my attention) or will try to provoke me to arguements .
When the kids had a dental exam that i took them to, she was there- inside the building with shades on, a new shirt that says 'i love my bf' and her hair done to a t just to 'be there ' ..that struck me as wierd.

then i see she tried to follow me on social media with her name being 'herboyfriendsspecialdoll' - i blocked her and didnt mention it. Now she starting arguements again, while putting our kids in the middle , sending messages through them or just flat out slandering me to them, so i blocked her from texting me. i told her that if she has to reach me, it should be about the kids and important. i refuse to argue with her anymore and dont want to have a casual relationship with her.

since then she's been accusing me of talking to the kids bad about her and now searches their emails (she took the passwords) for our discussions when they email me..

why do you think she is doing this stuff and why? i dont bother her and i dont give her a reason to be hostile withe me

Why are you hating on her for, do you think you are any better?

 

[bethrow]

Why are you hating on her for, do you think you are any better?

??? His wife is a narcissist who neglects her children. Please read the entire thread before posting.

 

[fields316_2000]

Well hopefully it doesn't escalate. I just remember her bringing the boyfriend to the game and it was sort of done to intimidate you in a way. My friend's husband is crazy. We are also worried about sexual abuse at this point because the daughter has told the mother that she is made to sleep with him, but noone can prove it. She is only 9. The son can't do anything right in his father's eyes. He's been called stupid and gets yelled at alot.
Praying she doesn't go over the deep end and your kids can get the heck out of there.
Please let us know what is going on with the next court dates.

I will pray those kids get away from the friends husband - no one should have to live in fear and especially not around sexual situations; thats terrible

like i said before our son is already struggling in school and this week is state testing. so she decided to take them to disneyland on a school night, to satisfy the bf and his family, keeping them out beyond midnight bringing them back with only a few hours to sleep before more school tests. i emailed my lawyer. the narcissist behavior is coming out more and more

 

[bethrow]

I will pray those kids get away from the friends husband - no one should have to live in fear and especially not around sexual situations; thats terrible

like i said before our son is already struggling in school and this week is state testing. so she decided to take them to disneyland on a school night, to satisfy the bf and his family, keeping them out beyond midnight bringing them back with only a few hours to sleep before more school tests. i emailed my lawyer. the narcissist behavior is coming out more and more

Disneyland on a school night? It's narcissistic behavior and lack of common sense.

 

[mkher]

Hey fields, I just read the first page so just discard this info if not needed any more.

what your wife is up to? A possibility- From my culture my parents seen lots of divorce ever since our people moved to USA. Usally in your case when the wife comes back it means. The Grass wasn't greener on the other side or the 2nd marriage was worse. Sometimes it hits them late when they actually accept the fact that they did wrong and she wants everything back.

Just a possibility. but in my case. I am trying to get her to understand that we can get help and its not to late. Eventhough she left me (cheated too). I wont wait around forever. And when she comes back because of her realization, depending on how long, I'll either welcome her back with open arms, or ignore. I can forgive but its complicated.

Just a thought. and good luck with your situation.

 

[fields316_2000]

I never really even considered she may regret her decisions. To explore that thought, maybe there were lingering feelings because we never spoke after she got caught cheating. she got caught on a sunday, she ran to the court to file for divorce that monday and i was in court very shortly after - and havnt spoken to her about it at all . ever. no texts. no calls. ever. she did all she could to avoid me, reject me and slander me to other people that i knew. however, in doing all that, our kids took sides with me watching her fall from grace. for example she said no drinking to them since they were babies..now she's drinking regularly. she used to serve in church now she avoids it - things like that. she lost her home, instead of going to school daily and spending time with her sisters when she wanted now she has to work in a wherehouse lifting boxes. the personal feelings between us may not have been the best but over all, she had it alot easier while we were together..not to mention there was no real stress together; the affair she had i told her directly to work it out. i did. she said no it's over and tried to be really mean about it. so when i left i got it out of my system. I'm dating now, and to be honest, she seen us out together and she looked very hurt. she questioned the kids how long we were together and why she wasnt told about it...then turns around and slanders me more to anyone that will listen. very up and down - but im sure if she knew then what she knows now, and expects to see in the future, she wouldnt have gone down this road

 

[mkgal1]

The characteristics of a narcissist are that they lack any remorse, and they only view things in the moment (IOW.....they don't consider consequences or look at things in the "big picture". It's all moment to moment---and what serves them best for that moment.)

 

[fields316_2000]

I try and not post in here much unless it matters court wise, or prayers or what not but at this point I only have this thread to vent into because im getting good guidance and understanding. yesterday we had a game (im a coach on my sons baseball team) and after the game I brought little bags of snacks with drinks to keep the guys / kids moral up. just alil something to say we the coaches are thinking about them. a situation popped up with one of the players i had to address so i asked my girlfriend to pass out the bags to the group while i took care of the situation.

my kids mom was there, with her sister and mom with a terrible look on their faces. apparently when my son got into the car , my ex/ their mom went into a rage rambling that ' f word b word has no reason to pass anything out and she's wrong and whos her kids anyways etc' so the kids told her they have no business talking about that and she can call me if she needed to. when they got back to the apt she screamed at them to go to sleep, then proceeded to scream and cry about everything, tears in her eyes, for most of the night keeping them awake. when they asked what was wrong she claimed to be praying but , that wasnt what they claimed to see. she was still degrading me and my gf to no end, without actually knowing her in any way. the kids said her screaming lasted until late night , which lead to her boyfriend getting there causing her to yell and scream at him for little to no reason. these two are telling me that they are more than ready to come home , which i'm expecting at this point - but what im not conditioned to handle is this unpredictable rage that they are describing

 

[Avniel]

I try and not post in here much unless it matters court wise, or prayers or what not but at this point I only have this thread to vent into because im getting good guidance and understanding. yesterday we had a game (im a coach on my sons baseball team) and after the game I brought little bags of snacks with drinks to keep the guys / kids moral up. just alil something to say we the coaches are thinking about them. a situation popped up with one of the players i had to address so i asked my girlfriend to pass out the bags to the group while i took care of the situation.

my kids mom was there, with her sister and mom with a terrible look on their faces. apparently when my son got into the car , my ex/ their mom went into a rage rambling that ' f word b word has no reason to pass anything out and she's wrong and whos her kids anyways etc' so the kids told her they have no business talking about that and she can call me if she needed to. when they got back to the apt she screamed at them to go to sleep, then proceeded to scream and cry about everything, tears in her eyes, for most of the night keeping them awake. when they asked what was wrong she claimed to be praying but , that wasnt what they claimed to see. she was still degrading me and my gf to no end, without actually knowing her in any way. the kids said her screaming lasted until late night , which lead to her boyfriend getting there causing her to yell and scream at him for little to no reason. these two are telling me that they are more than ready to come home , which i'm expecting at this point - but what im not conditioned to handle is this unpredictable rage that they are describing

How you handle it is by documenting everything. Keep a journal with dates and a list of witnesses to that date. Question her through text about it use her rage against her. Write down your children's complaints and what happened what time they called you what they said and when they got out of school. We need to paint a picture use her foolishness and she will get barried in court with it.

 

[bethrow]

Document everything. All of her behaviors, yelling at the kids, etc. She sounds as if she is spiraling out of control. Her behavior is bothersome. The fact that she degrades you and your girlfriend to the kids, screams at them, and yells at her boyfriend. She is out of control. Seeing your girlfriend be the star in the eyes of the team and coaches has her seething. Please be careful...your girlfriend, and your kids will all be in my prayers.
Just an update on my friend. My friend's ex is representing himself in court, remember. He makes about $100 a week, his mother pays his mortgage and bills and he told the judge that he can't work because representing himself takes up so much of his time. ((rolls eyes)) He asked the judge to recommend my friend be psychologically evaluated which the judge denied. She told me he made himself look stupid in court that day and she is sure she'll get permanent and legal custody of the kids. What she's scared of is the consequences of winning in court. He'll still have visitation which bothers me.
Will she still have visitation with them?

 

[mkgal1]

What criteria needs to be met to have supervised visits? Praying for your friend as well, Beth. It *is* a dangerous situation when narcs don't get their way (and especially when their "perfect" image of themselves is tarnished).

This is an informative article about narcissist rage:

House of Mirrors: How To Cause Narcissistic Injury Without Really Trying

 

[fields316_2000]

Document everything. All of her behaviors, yelling at the kids, etc. She sounds as if she is spiraling out of control. Her behavior is bothersome. The fact that she degrades you and your girlfriend to the kids, screams at them, and yells at her boyfriend. She is out of control. Seeing your girlfriend be the star in the eyes of the team and coaches has her seething. Please be careful...your girlfriend, and your kids will all be in my prayers.
Just an update on my friend. My friend's ex is representing himself in court, remember. He makes about $100 a week, his mother pays his mortgage and bills and he told the judge that he can't work because representing himself takes up so much of his time. ((rolls eyes)) He asked the judge to recommend my friend be psychologically evaluated which the judge denied. She told me he made himself look stupid in court that day and she is sure she'll get permanent and legal custody of the kids. What she's scared of is the consequences of winning in court. He'll still have visitation which bothers me.
Will she still have visitation with them?

that fella is going to lose and lose hard in court. from that he'll probably end up hearing about his behavior from the kids when they tell him about himself when they get bigger. If he continues going to court for no reason and all these excuses he'll end up in trouble by the judge himself and might have to pay fines for wasting the judges time.

as for my kids mom i think she's off on the deep end. i received a call from one of the parents saying that my ex has been telling other parents on the team any and all terrible things about me , the court case and my relationship. she's slandered me to enough people , to the point that it came back to me because what she saying doesnt add up to what others see. now let me add this , because it confused me. she actually told a group of women that despite her divorcing ME 4 years ago (she left me for another guy ) she finds it disrespectful that I'm bringing my gf to the kids games. She said it's too soon and inappropriate for me to be doing that not knowing when we started seeing each other or the level of seriousness we may or may not have. i had to tell the guy that called life does go on and im not limiting anyone from supporting me and my kids. I called my lawyer to see if i can have something done about this slander but i have yet to hear back from her

if i win in court she will get just as much time equally with them as I want BUT my lawyer is thinking i'll get full custody if the kids sound off with all the nonsense she's been doing.

 

[bethrow]

that fella is going to lose and lose hard in court. from that he'll probably end up hearing about his behavior from the kids when they tell him about himself when they get bigger. If he continues going to court for no reason and all these excuses he'll end up in trouble by the judge himself and might have to pay fines for wasting the judges time.

They don't go to court all of the time. Only when it's postponed and scheduled for another date. They don't go back to court until June so he has plenty of opportunity to work, but he doesn't.
Yes, they will surely say something when they are older. The boy never wants to see him and he's only 5.

as for my kids mom i think she's off on the deep end. i received a call from one of the parents saying that my ex has been telling other parents on the team any and all terrible things about me , the court case and my relationship. she's slandered me to enough people , to the point that it came back to me because what she saying doesnt add up to what others see. now let me add this , because it confused me. she actually told a group of women that despite her divorcing ME 4 years ago (she left me for another guy ) she finds it disrespectful that I'm bringing my gf to the kids games. She said it's too soon and inappropriate for me to be doing that not knowing when we started seeing each other or the level of seriousness we may or may not have. i had to tell the guy that called life does go on and im not limiting anyone from supporting me and my kids. I called my lawyer to see if i can have something done about this slander but i have yet to hear back from her

The problem with her slandering you is that there is no proof. It's all hearsay and it's only talking...she hasn't made any threats. Just let her dig herself deeper. So you aren't allowed to bring your girlfriend to the games, but she's allowed to bring her boyfriend? hmmmm...doesn't seem fair.

if i win in court she will get just as much time equally with them as I want BUT my lawyer is thinking i'll get full custody if the kids sound off with all the nonsense she's been doing.

I hope you get full and legal custody.

 

[fields316_2000]

just a quick update. I got the parents( a few ) to sign sworn statements on her slander against me,what she said about me to the parents about the court case and how she's been toward the kids. my lawyer is going to get the copies next week.

I left her alone and focused on my lil baseball team , which is doing ok -

but interestingly enough , as court approaches, my ex's mom took our youngest son to her new church last week. She, my former mother in law (whom i havent spoken to in years) told the pastor about me and the pastor sent his card with my youngest son to tell me to come to his church and meet him or I'm a 'chicken'

my son was so happy to feel like he was doing something positive I couldnt tell him how inappropriate that was. I told him I'd call later.

but over all, i thought it was super manipulative to have her Mom talk to a pastor about me (my son says they were talking me up about how Great a guy I am etc) and put my son to ask me to go with him, to this church with her mom and have a talk with the pastor - all a few weeks prior to court