What is my ex up to?

[bethrow]

well if anyone is still up can someone send up a prayer for me?
tomorrow i have an emergency hearing to review a temporary change in custody because among other things, our son is failing multiple classes and i received a call from his teacher saying if he doesnt improve he'll be kicked out.
my lawyer (yes i got one) has gotten the paper work in and stressed to make some moves because this is a private school. among other things, she's lately thrown away our other sons inhaler, refused to take him to get a new one and ignored him when he complained about having a sprained ankle while with her.

my hearing was supposed to be today but she hired a lawyer to argue they arent ready to review anything so it's been changed to tomorrow. i told the boys that i'll keep standing up for doing the right thing since they are worth it - but im really tired of the court games and tired of them being neglected. i've got our sons report card that reflects all year long he's only turned in 30% of his assignments. i was heartbroken. hes been asking for help and she wont help him or find him help and literally says its not her fault or her problem.

Dear Heavenly Father, I lift Fields and his boys up to you right now. I pray for protection over these boys who so desperately need help right now. I ask you Lord to intervene on this situation and that Fields will win his case so the boys can live with him. I pray for the one son who got the inhaler thrown out. This is so dangerous!!! These boys are being neglected and I ask you in your name, Father, that you will watch over them. This has to be such a tough situation to go through. I pray for Fields that you give him strength, courage, that the lawyer speaks the right words to win his case, and that you just put peace and comfort on Fields so that he doesn't worry. I lift it all up to you God. I pray for the boys' mother and that you touch her heart, convict her of her wrong doings. I believe she may be mentally ill and I pray that someone will intervene on Fields behalf so the situation will be taken care of. These boys need to live with their father. I pray, Lord Jesus, for this very thing.
In your name, Amen.

Fields...let us know how it goes. k? I hope I'm not too late.

 

[fields316_2000]

thank you for your prayer -

heres what happened. her and her lawyer tried to have the case thrown out, asked the judge to make me pay her legal fees and tried to say she didnt know our son was failing because it's my fault she isnt involved with our kids or their school situations.

the judge wrote for along long time without speaking, totally ignored all the requests for me to pay up and requested to speak to the kids . he wants to know where they want to live , how they are living now and the relationship they have with both parents. my lawyer said that our son is really smart but needs help reaching his potential so i should be around them more since im more involved.

the judge ordered to speak with the boys, then said she has 4 business days to get him tutoring or i'll get temp custody until our next hearing. i felt that it was a blessing because the judge could have thrown it out. its a small beginning but everything i've ever wanted to have talked about is about to come out in court. praise god!

 

[bethrow]

thank you for your prayer -

heres what happened. her and her lawyer tried to have the case thrown out, asked the judge to make me pay her legal fees and tried to say she didnt know our son was failing because it's my fault she isnt involved with our kids or their school situations.

the judge wrote for along long time without speaking, totally ignored all the requests for me to pay up and requested to speak to the kids . he wants to know where they want to live , how they are living now and the relationship they have with both parents. my lawyer said that our son is really smart but needs help reaching his potential so i should be around them more since im more involved.

the judge ordered to speak with the boys, then said she has 4 business days to get him tutoring or i'll get temp custody until our next hearing. i felt that it was a blessing because the judge could have thrown it out. its a small beginning but everything i've ever wanted to have talked about is about to come out in court. praise god!

When I saw your post...I was afraid to open it for fear something bad happened. Oh my goodness this is awesome news!!!!
I'm so happy for you that the judge has ordered to speak with the boys. This is so good!
I can't believe she would say that it is your fault that your son is failing because she isn't involved with the kids and their schooling. What the heck?!!! She lives with them.
When do the boys see the judge? I hope they are able to tell them everything.
Keep us updated here. Doesn't look anyone else has responded, but I will continue to pray for your situation and for protection over both boys. They are neglected physically and emotionally and I hope you get full custody.

 

[fields316_2000]

thank you so much !

we will be revisiting the court house with the kids in a few weeks. my lawyer already told me there is no reason they arent with me more, if not full time and she's about to put in supplimental paperwork to make alot more changes based on what she read in the case. God is good

 

[bethrow]

Keep updating here so I know how to keep praying. Yes, God is definitely good!

 

[mkgal1]

the judge ordered to speak with the boys, then said she has 4 business days to get him tutoring or i'll get temp custody until our next hearing. i felt that it was a blessing because the judge could have thrown it out. its a small beginning but everything i've ever wanted to have talked about is about to come out in court. praise god!

I'm praying that the truth will be revealed AND heard.....and that the judges involved will be moved with compassion for your precious boys. Hang in there, Fields. May God strengthen and encourage you.

 

[fields316_2000]

her behavior is alittle weird. our son started playing baseball last week. there was an issue with the coaches and long story short, im now coaching our sons team.

so- to bring things full spectrum , my ex was cheating on me and allowed the guy to drive my car while i was hospitalized years back prior to the divorce. i've never met the guy as she's kept us apart due to fear of a fight.

well , for no reason that i could possibly imagine, im at the boys game , in the dugout, and my youngest son comes to me from the stands saying 'he's here please dont fight'. i look up and there he is, with her wearing a scowl. i felt deep down that i really didnt care enough to say anything to the guy. i told my son that i could easily hurt him, or put him in the hospital etc, but what i can do doesnt compare to what Jesus will do when he fights my battles. my son laughed and said i was right - since the guy is an atheist.

i'd imagine that she brought him there, to provoke a situation that she could possibly take back to court to use against me. over the last few years, this guy has never been to a single event for the kids - even when it was across the street from her apt. this game he appeared at was miles from our city.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

well , for no reason that i could possibly imagine, im at the boys game , in the dugout, and my youngest son comes to me from the stands saying 'he's here please dont fight'. i look up and there he is, with her wearing a scowl. i felt deep down that i really didnt care enough to say anything to the guy. i told my son that i could easily hurt him, or put him in the hospital etc, but what i can do doesnt compare to what Jesus will do when he fights my battles. my son laughed and said i was right - since the guy is an atheist.

Very rude and inappropriate, but Ok...

i'd imagine that she brought him there, to provoke a situation that she could possibly take back to court to use against me. over the last few years, this guy has never been to a single event for the kids - even when it was across the street from her apt. this game he appeared at was miles from our city.

Or the more likely explanation that he's a major part of her life and your son's life and his being there is appropriate, regardless of how their relationship started, as it's unreasonable to expect he just vanish into a vapor at any event that may include you... And he shouldn't have to stay away, I might add.

Seriously, you've been divorced for how long? It's been years, right? I would venture to guess that a tiny fraction of what she does has anything to do with you. That's the point of getting a divorce. I think you obsess overly much on the comings and goings of your ex and how it must be to illicit something from you.

 

[fields316_2000]

probably true. the only part that is flawed is his relationship with the boys. they dont get along.

I honestly dont like being forced around her or him and it makes my skin crawl. the last I spoke to this guy was him threatening me but it was awhile ago which is why I just let it go.

 

[fields316_2000]

obsessing is a strong word

it wasnt but a few months ago she tried to put a restraining order on me for disagreeing with her, then when the judge through It out, she sent me happy birthday messages encouraging me to go to vegas. I have no trust in anything she does but im sure someone out there can justify her behaviour and tell me its my fault

 

[Tropical Wilds]

probably true. the only part that is flawed is his relationship with the boys. they dont get along.

And this could be part of his trying to fix that. You saying you could put him in the hospital and otherwise poisoning the well doesn't likely help with that, or cultivate a less acrimonious relationship between the kids and him...

I honestly dont like being forced around her or him and it makes my skin crawl. the last I spoke to this guy was him threatening me but it was awhile ago which is why I just let it go.

I hate being around my husband's ex... She's literally insane. She broke into my house, rammed our car with the kids in it, and on a daily basis goes to Pinterest and Facebook to complain about us. Right now she's upset because she found out that my husband bought me a nice ring that he'd been secretly saving for awhile, but a few months earlier he said he wasn't going to pay a medical bill for one of the kids that was 4+ years old and about to hit collections, because their agreement stated those charges were her responsibility. Off to Facebook to complain that she was struggling, on food stamps, and so on, while we were going to Disney and he was buying me jewelry... No mention of how she admittedly underemploys herself because she wants to stay home with the kids (who are in school) and he pays all their insurance and more then 50% of his takehome in "child support" that she's putting towards an adults-only trip to Florida of her own (we have the kids that week).

I get obnoxious ex's. I see her, I literally don't even talk to her or look at her because I can't stand her. But nobody says you have to like them, but you do have to deal with them if there are kids involved. I'd never tell the kids any of the complaints about their mother I had, but I'm not about to make a show out of being her friend.

obsessing is a strong word

it wasnt but a few months ago she tried to put a restraining order on me for disagreeing with her, then when the judge through It out, she sent me happy birthday messages encouraging me to go to vegas. I have no trust in anything she does but im sure someone out there can justify her behaviour and tell me its my fault

Again, I get mental ex's, and if she's really going out of her way to antagonize you, which I'm not saying she is or isn't, just ignore her. Insanity needs an audience, and if there is none, things get better pretty quickly. I wouldn't assume everything she does is to get your goat, but just let her do her thing and stay happily out of it.

 

[fields316_2000]

my struggle with him is that he didn't know I am a fighter so when he called me up making threats of being so tough and would hurtme I told him what I do and he should reconsider trying to actually fight me. I told him then that ive train for x amount of years and hes in no position to be so macho. he looked me up online and changed his number. so wheny kids who have seen me train, spar and fight see this guy run his mouth, they ask me not to prove anything. I do my best to set am example but as a man at all it feels very degrading to turn the other cheek on a person who is taking liberty on patience and faith. I know I could give in and settle my issue but at what cost. this same guy called me up while was in the hospital to give me thier play by play ,mock me and tell me look how real god is if your family fell apart. giving it to god is a test of my faith

and I do my best avoiding her ..I blocked her from texting me because it was a steady stream of accusations and arguing which I needed ended. when she comes around bad things tend to happen to me like Charlie Brown and his foot ball

 

[mkgal1]

I know I could give in and settle my issue but at what cost?

Giving it to god is a test of my faith.

That's something to keep in mind. IMO.....it shows a great amount of strength (and integrity) to keep "power" under control. That cost just may be the ability to properly protect your boys.

Still praying for you, Fields.

 

[JohnDB]

WOW...

Just read this thread for the first time.

I read all of your posts but ignored most of what everyone else had to say. (too much to wade through)

If you need a lawyer in Southern Cali...I know of a real good one. She can cut the legs out from under her opponent then gut them like a fish and then see if there is anything left to snack on...she is really a good lawyer and most importantly a Christian. She also is very into PATERNAL rights.

But it sounds like you have one that is doing something at least.

At any rate.

DO NOT FIGHT YOUR WIFE'S BOYFRIEND.

He is a wienie and is provoking you to get you to hit him so he can play a victim of your bullying. Your Ex will support him in this and you will end up losing. She will have her vindication (of whatever sort a wackjob can have) and your boys will lose the most in the end.

She is mad over something...dunno what. My ex is still mad at me for all of her poor decisions too. She tries to get at me in any shape possible.

Truth at appropriate times is an absolute defense against her tactics.

Also...I wish I was divorced in Cali...Paternal rights here in TN is a joke. My son wants to come live with his dad...the courts simply do not care.

But the medical neglect is an issue.

I also think you are making some mountains out of a few mole hills too. (why not if it helps your custody of your kids)

But the failing grades are an issue to the courts around the country. If both of them wish to live with you...she has an uphill fight on her hands.

The best you can do is be a dad...love your boys. That also means teaching them how to deal with their mom. Do not say bad things about her to the boys or in their earshot. There are a lot of other things to talk about other than her. Like how to relate to girls...how to deal with school work and teachers. About how to spot a possible career interest...and possibly college or some other career that they would thrive in eventually.

I know you love the sports and the boys do as well. So keep doing that sort of thing with them.. This fight between your ex and you has got to remain separate from your relationship with your boys. The boys do love their mother and should respect her at a minimum...even if they wish to live with you and let your ex have the crappy visitation schedule.

Your boys need you now more than ever...they are in their teen years when things get the most difficult for them. They need your LEADERSHIP and guidance when they fail to follow your LEAD. You can't simply boss them at this age. They have to understand your wisdom and thinking process and dangers of not taking your advice. The boys will follow the voice of sanity and clarity...works like a charm every time.

You staying in your boys lives speaks volumes to the court. And yeah, I agree you got a lousy deal in all of this. Keep the GF issue rather subdued at the moment. Not saying that you should break up with her...but try to keep her existence a bit of a secret to your ex.

My EX about had a coronary when she found out that I had started dating. It is just one of the normal things that women do. (I am very happily married these days...my ex is currently unhappily married) And my son wishes he lived with his dad. and there isn't a thing I can do about it.

I sincerely hope you win...and win big. Video Tape of her berating your son at a baseball game would be a real eye opener for the courts. They really frown on public humiliation of a child due to an asthma attack.

Because things must change. Women have gone to the courts and unless they are crack harlots and in jail for being such the child custody goes to the women and men have to pay child support.(generally speaking and I am just picking out an extreme case here) But that isn't always what is in the best interest of the children.

 

[fields316_2000]

thank you for the prayers im up in down with myself and attitude today

 

[fields316_2000]

WOW...

Just read this thread for the first time.

I read all of your posts but ignored most of what everyone else had to say. (too much to wade through)

If you need a lawyer in Southern Cali...I know of a real good one. She can cut the legs out from under her opponent then gut them like a fish and then see if there is anything left to snack on...she is really a good lawyer and most importantly a Christian. She also is very into PATERNAL rights.

But it sounds like you have one that is doing something at least.

At any rate.

DO NOT FIGHT YOUR WIFE'S BOYFRIEND.

He is a wienie and is provoking you to get you to hit him so he can play a victim of your bullying. Your Ex will support him in this and you will end up losing. She will have her vindication (of whatever sort a wackjob can have) and your boys will lose the most in the end.

She is mad over something...dunno what. My ex is still mad at me for all of her poor decisions too. She tries to get at me in any shape possible.

Truth at appropriate times is an absolute defense against her tactics.

Also...I wish I was divorced in Cali...Paternal rights here in TN is a joke. My son wants to come live with his dad...the courts simply do not care.

But the medical neglect is an issue.

I also think you are making some mountains out of a few mole hills too. (why not if it helps your custody of your kids)

But the failing grades are an issue to the courts around the country. If both of them wish to live with you...she has an uphill fight on her hands.

The best you can do is be a dad...love your boys. That also means teaching them how to deal with their mom. Do not say bad things about her to the boys or in their earshot. There are a lot of other things to talk about other than her. Like how to relate to girls...how to deal with school work and teachers. About how to spot a possible career interest...and possibly college or some other career that they would thrive in eventually.

I know you love the sports and the boys do as well. So keep doing that sort of thing with them.. This fight between your ex and you has got to remain separate from your relationship with your boys. The boys do love their mother and should respect her at a minimum...even if they wish to live with you and let your ex have the crappy visitation schedule.

Your boys need you now more than ever...they are in their teen years when things get the most difficult for them. They need your LEADERSHIP and guidance when they fail to follow your LEAD. You can't simply boss them at this age. They have to understand your wisdom and thinking process and dangers of not taking your advice. The boys will follow the voice of sanity and clarity...works like a charm every time.

You staying in your boys lives speaks volumes to the court. And yeah, I agree you got a lousy deal in all of this. Keep the GF issue rather subdued at the moment. Not saying that you should break up with her...but try to keep her existence a bit of a secret to your ex.

My EX about had a coronary when she found out that I had started dating. It is just one of the normal things that women do. (I am very happily married these days...my ex is currently unhappily married) And my son wishes he lived with his dad. and there isn't a thing I can do about it.

I sincerely hope you win...and win big. Video Tape of her berating your son at a baseball game would be a real eye opener for the courts. They really frown on public humiliation of a child due to an asthma attack.

Because things must change. Women have gone to the courts and unless they are crack harlots and in jail for being such the child custody goes to the women and men have to pay child support.(generally speaking and I am just picking out an extreme case here) But that isn't always what is in the best interest of the children.

I agree with you. The situation is very frustrating to me to say the least. There is a definite gender bias regarding men and custody. Our son’s teacher called me after more than half the school year is over to tell me that he only had 30% of his work done for the whole year. Who’s responsible for that when he cant understand the work and she says ‘deal with it’? I invested myself as much as possible at the school to get his other grades up and help at home when he has questions and with me, but it’s not enough if it’s not consistent on both ends. It’s frustrating to see them cry because they share a bed , twin sized, wear dirty clothes and gets threatened for the smallest things ; but when I offer a solution im the villain to be projected on. I’m the bad guy when I offer to get them home more so she can do more schooling or just break up the arguing. She says no but they are the ones that are being affected.
Like you said, I’m being provoked because I have a case. She was at one point texting me crazy accusations then when I would reply she would print the response out and take me to court to say im bothering her. Which is why I cut off as much contact as possible .. She slandered me to other parents in the area, which was so unbelievable to them that they called me to sort it out. Now with this case coming she has no real reason to say no the boys cant at least come home alil more, so she is putting a bad situation together where the potential is there for real problems to come along..and of course she can say I am violent and dangerous etc and then the boys lose out in the long run. During our divorce the whole reason they limited me from getting 50% custody was because her lawyer literally told the court im an mma fighter and veteran so im too volatile and dangerous to be around my own kids, with nothing backing it up. And they took that in consideration OVER actual facts. So im alil frustrated. I wont fight anyone or even make crass comments to him or her on the field. I show no ill will and I tell the boys if they have a real problem with her, don’t talk trash about her to me but go to her and learn to communicate with her to change the situation. That is more productive everything else is just idle talk and men don’t do that. Keeping their word, meaning what they say and expressing how they feel is what im striving for. Im focusing on them being independent and ready to leave for college or just moving on their own learning to support themselves- I invite my gf over so they can see how to act , react and treat a lady and how to correspond with a female without yelling and screaming. It’s a lot going on, especially since im now a coach on a sport im not particularly interested in but I’ll still be the best because this is their memories and experiences that will no doubt trickle down to my grandkids. All of this is an example for how I expect them to take care of their kids- I just hope it pays off because this pressure at times gets to me.


how come people care when their ex moves on at all? my ex was very angry when she seen us out in public once. why care when she started all this mess? i dunno, but life does go on. i told her to stop with the games because it's time to move forward.

 

[JohnDB]

thank you for the prayers im up in down with myself and attitude today

I understand completely.

Part of being a man is accepting responsibility for your own actions and accepting the consequences of those actions. Including the one where you chose your ex to be your wife in the first place. the real problem is now it involves your kids...the ones that you love the most.

I understand all too well about being a fighter and there is no one to really fight and win against except yourself...and you never really win that one.

But understand you have value to your loved ones. REAL VALUE. They are counting on you not so much to win a fight for them...but just for you to simply be you. They love you for who you are and not what you can do or give them. Hard to remember when you are in this long long battle of tests of wills and character with those who have none.

All she has is self indulgence at your expense at the moment.

Keep moving forward...steady and sure and of course in righteousness. It has won the fight for me in so many ways it is unbelievable. The boys aren't accessories. They have their own mind about things. More so as they get older. The garbage their mother is pouring into them is rejected by them as they understand you and your character. When a child is living in an insane world they really grab a hold of what is stable and sure. If you can provide that kind of stability...they will be attracted to the principles you teach just like a moth is to a light.

You are winning...just relax and let God do the heavy lifting on this one.

I have won my son's heart in just this fashion as I am relating to you. I look out for his interests and let him know about it. I show him how I am doing good things for him like a college savings account...like teaching him valuable life lessons of cooking, cleaning, household budgeting, hunting, fishing, driving, reading, writing and on and on it goes.

His mother is unable to compete on this level. And my son knows it. Guess which side of the proverbial bread he has figured out his butter is on.

 

[fields316_2000]

thank you for that my prospective is alot more positive and optimistic in regard to putting into the kids things that will last like character instead of just dropping them off at Disneyland

 

[fields316_2000]

just a small update as far as things are going with me and the boys:

I guess prayers are going up because I'm seeing my position being strengthened - our sons baseball coach literally quit, so myself and another few dads are taking over so the kids are able to continue the season. my youngest son is still struggling with school which prompted her to call me up and make crazy accusations , which i brought to her attention that our son is signing into classes and leaving, he should be at home in front of one of us to do the right thing. She accused me of making everything about me and has a problem with myself helping our son in school and the team of kids. my lawyer says that the fact of me being involved in so many things shows my dedication to their lives which will definitely not be ignored in our hearing. I honestly feel like change is coming so i feel like praising God because I'm really content right now

 

[bethrow]

just a small update as far as things are going with me and the boys:

I guess prayers are going up because I'm seeing my position being strengthened - our sons baseball coach literally quit, so myself and another few dads are taking over so the kids are able to continue the season. my youngest son is still struggling with school which prompted her to call me up and make crazy accusations , which i brought to her attention that our son is signing into classes and leaving, he should be at home in front of one of us to do the right thing. She accused me of making everything about me and has a problem with myself helping our son in school and the team of kids. my lawyer says that the fact of me being involved in so many things shows my dedication to their lives which will definitely not be ignored in our hearing. I honestly feel like change is coming so i feel like praising God because I'm really content right now

Still praying for the safety of your boys. Also, if she's a narcisisist...she's capable of anything. It's scary how their minds work. Praying for all involved.