My exwife cheated on me, broke up the family and moved on with the guy she was seeing during the marriage - this was nearly 4 years ago.
we never spoke about anything when she was caught. she just up and filed for divorce the following day and told the court she was afraid for her life so i was told to move out. well i did. i ended up with my house back and some shared time with our kids.
up to this point, i've left her alone. i've never called her or text her about anything. i've never asked about her and i and never tried to get back at her.
however, recently shes been popping up in odd ways. she texts me here and there over nonsense (she told me one of my favorite athletes died to get my attention) or will try to provoke me to arguements .
When the kids had a dental exam that i took them to, she was there- inside the building with shades on, a new shirt that says 'i love my bf' and her hair done to a t just to 'be there ' ..that struck me as wierd.
You have your answer right there; your ex is looking for your attention. I assume the athlete was not dead? That is seriously not normal behaviour; if you have the evidence for that one I think the courts would have sympathy for you.
It looks as if she wants to provoke a reaction from you, and she can't do it the right way any more, so she has to find the wrong way instead. She probably doesn't even know she is doing it. Other people are right when they say you need to keep a diary of everything she is doing.
She is not wrong to turn up at the boys' dental exam, though. This is the problem; she is shifting from the right thing to the not quite right thing, and seems not to be able to judge what is appropriate.
You are doing the right thing; if you do not react to her provocations she will eventually give up and find someone else who will. But it may take some time, because the boys give her a way to get to you. She is using them in rather an unpleasant way.
then i see she tried to follow me on social media with her name being 'herboyfriendsspecialdoll' - i blocked her and didnt mention it. Now she starting arguements again, while putting our kids in the middle , sending messages through them or just flat out slandering me to them, so i blocked her from texting me. i told her that if she has to reach me, it should be about the kids and important. i refuse to argue with her anymore and dont want to have a casual relationship with her.
since then she's been accusing me of talking to the kids bad about her and now searches their emails (she took the passwords) for our discussions when they email me..
why do you think she is doing this stuff and why? i dont bother her and i dont give her a reason to be hostile withe me
She has no right to search through emails between you and your sons. You are their father, and you are entitled to write to them if you want to. I know a lot of parents do stuff like this, but it is really damaging, I think. Young people have to have some privacy and not feel as if they are constantly being watched.
Why is she doing it? It looks as if may be narcissistic; she sees the emails as about her, whether they are or not; therefore she is entitled to read them. If you google narcissism you will see more about it, and whether it might fit. In essence, a narcissist lives a drama in which they are the star and everyone around is a supporting actor; it doesn't matter who the others are, they never come first. Not even her own children come before her needs. If this is the case and you can provide evidence of it, then you have a very strong case for custody of your boys, imo. Narcissists do not make good mothers because they can never put anyone else before themselves.
She seems also to be rather insecure; her user name and her tshirt seem to indicate that she defines herself in relation to the man she is with. If you can find a way to affirm her identity as the mother of your sons and try to make her feel more secure about that, then she may be happier. At present she really doesn't seem to know who she is; she seems to need someone else to do that for her. Otoh, that really is not your problem; if you help her too much she might just want more attention from you, and I don't think that is anything to encourage.
Narcissists hate being ignored, but this is the only way to deal with them. You are doing exactly the right thing by mostly ignoring what she does, and by setting very clear interpersonal boundaries. And she is kicking against those boundaries, because it is all about her, not about you; what she wants and what she needs. She will not want you to be happy with a new gf, so be ready for additional drama when she finds out about that.
