What is it about a quiet guy?

[chippy2000]

Hi,

As you may have read previously. I am a fairly quiet person in a group situation and find it hard to start coversation with people, although I am trying lately. It seems to be taking ages for the girls at church to have confidence that I don't want to have a relationship with each one of them. Am I classed as a threat if I'm not that fantastic at making conversation or is it that they maybe thinking (as posted in Poll: Girls do you assume Christian guys are after sex?) that I have a self image problem or something? And why is that, a self image problem, such a turn off? I need people to talk to me to gain confidence, not just brush me off because I may have a self image problem. Do I seem to desperate?

 

[ChrisWins]

why is that, a self image problem, such a turn off? I need people to talk to me to gain confidence, not just brush me off because I may have a self image problem. Do I seem to desperate?

Oh brother, here I go again. Let's see what comes out of my fingers(?) this time, shall we? It could be good, you never know!

I'm a writer, I can ramble... one person in particular around here can surely attest to that... yet still I have a tendency to be somewhat shy one on one. How's that possible??? How can I ramble on and on yet still be shy? You crawl into my head, check out what's up in there and you tell me 'cause I haven't figured it out yet! But it's true.

One thing about myself, though, that I am sure about is I don't have a self-image problem and I'm not desperate. You don't seem desperate so you've gotta maybe just come out of the corner some, ay?

I'm an EMT now and I'm also a pilot. I've been a Wilderness Guide, I've been a Ski Patroller... all of those require leadership. A few years ago I was a follower. A few years ago I could care less about being a leader. I could lead myself solo up a mountain but I was not a leader of men as I am now.

From personal experience, chicks, er, umm, i mean - girls, you know, those marvelously wonderful creatures of the female persuasion - they dig a guy who's sure of himself. This isn't true across the board as surely some women, for whatever reason and I am not saying it's a bad thing, are more attracted to the guy in the corner. But the thing is the odds are stacked much more in favor of the dude who knows who he is A) in society and B) in Christ. The guy in the corner who's kind of cowering and shy, he simply will not get as much attention. The guy who's standing there tall and noble without being full of himself, who's able to talk about anything in the world, he's gonna get more attention.

I think if anyone is quiet in the corner, so to say, and not sure of him or herself, that person might want to work a little on being more assertive and sure. Work on being able to just open up. This is one way I think of things sometimes - just talk because what have you got to lose? If you keep silent and nothing happens between you and someone then you've not even made an attempt. But, hey, what if you decide to just start talking, just open your mouth and let your mind take over. I'm assuming you're not a moron, you can handle it. A thought here - what did God do to Balaam? If you're unsure check out Numbers 22. Could God actually help you in what to say to people? Not if you don't open your mouth.

(I don't often have elaborate thoughts come to such a sudden and complete halt but this one just did with that remembrance of Balaam. Hmm. Wow!)

Have no fear, man. No Fear!

 

[lunalinda]

Chris had done it again lol. Well said. I agree.

 

[JPPT1974]

Im a quiet person myself and sometimes a person of a few words. So its very hard for me to start a conversation or to jump in on the conversation. I am afraid to say the wrong thing myself and offend people.

 

[waterbear]

Strong and silent type can work too... I think it's more important to be calm. Appearing nervous/overly interested helps create a rather tense environment.

 

[welshchick]

Hey Chippy2000, i'm a quiet girl and have always had problems starting conversations - especially with people i don't know. however, practice does make perfect (or at least better anyway!). I got tired of being quiet, and so i started trying to initiate conversations if i was standing next to someone i didnt know, and it has definitely got a lot easier. sometimes, when it's been hard, i've felt like i've probably looked like a fool, as when i'm nervous i end up saying stupid things!

just try a few times going up to some people - just take a deep breath, chill, and just do it! the more you do it, the easier it becomes. have a set number of questions in your head to ask, and a lot of the time the conversation will go off on one. just try and look interested in people, but also calm. all the best, wc

 

[Nico]

i like quiet guys, or rather the silent strong type that someone mentioned. i find them intriguing. problem is, i probably wouldn't really initiate a conversation with them......

 

[Katty]

My thing with quiet guys is that I'm not particularly quiet or shy. Granted, I do have my insecurities but I can come off as a pretty talkative and "collected" D hehehe) person. Quiet and contemplative guys strike me as intruiging and mysterious but if you're just plain shy and quiet and can't hold a conversation with me, I tend to think that something's wrong with me that we can't seem to hold a conversation. There's nothing wrong with being quiet, but I do like the guy that is confident enough to, if not straight out start a conversation with me, will at least smile that beautiful smile my way to let me know that he's somehow noticed me.

~Katty

 

[JPPT1974]

The key is that you got to get to know someone and for the better.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Hi Chip..

Being shy/quiet can sometimes come across as being stuck up, conceited, snobby, or someone that is just not interested in whatever is going on around you (the conversation, people, etc.). Wanting to be more social has nothing to do with being desperate, but moreso with just simply wanting to socialble.

Our body language speaks VOLUMES about our attitude, so take notice. For example, in a group situations if you are standing there with arms crossed and no facial expression looking uninterested then not many people will probably be receiptive to you. Again, this is just an example. Also, there is one sure fire topic that most people LOVE to chat it up about, and that's themselves. lol One or two simple open-ended questions about them will usually turn it into a full blown conversation, giving both you the opportunity to relate and get to know one another.

And of course…SMILE!

Hope this helps.

 

[JPPT1974]

People think just because I am shy, quiet, and am a person of a few words, they think that I'm stuck up and rude. But once they get to know me, that ain't true at all.