What is going too far physically?

[KrillBee]

I really think physical compatibility is a very worldly idea. Saying things like "I would hesitate to marry so-and-so because he/she won't do xyz sexual act with me" places a heavy emphasis on self-gratification. In a loving marriage, each partner ought to naturally want to do whatever would please the other. It is only because the world has such a focus on self-gratification that sexual relationships break down or become boring.

Whether its self gratification or someone elses gratifaction, it doesnt matter in this case, compatibility is still an issue. If I were to focus on 'gratifying them' then i'd have to know what turned them on, and be 'willing' to do that for them.

I agree that in a perfect loving marriage, we would all do what i partners wanted (providing it didnt mean disrespecting yourself or something). But, unfortauntely things arent like that always.
Sometimes a man might marry a woman, (excuse me if the next part sounds blunt) but all she wants to do is just lay there, or suppose she doesnt agree with anything but intercourse, and only in 1 position, etc.

Worse yet, suppose she for some reason isnt as interested in sex as he is.

when you are married, you are stuck with that, for the rest of your life.
sex is important. if it wasnt, people would not get married but just live together forever instead and keep that promise.
(but of course if they wanted a family, then sex would be necessary)

Not sure of what kind of "spark" you are talking about?

chemistry problems?

what if when you actually do get physical with them, you find out you really don't enjoy it? thats what i mean.

If you mean....sexual "spark" or of you like the way they kiss etc... most of those issues can be communicated through

communicating how something is going to go, and how it actually goes, are 2 different things!

 

[Keri]

Physical intimacy isn't the most important part of a romantic relationship; problems that arise with physical intimacy are also the easiest problems to fix, in the long run. I like sherri's advice, personally.

The problem that most couples have that don't abstain is that physical intimacy attains a much higher degree of importance in the relationship than it would be safe to have. The result is that it overshadows everything else and causes people to be much less aware of incompatibilities in other areas.

You are so right. I learned that recently. And then when it ends, it hurts so much more.

 

[Alenci]

Whether its self gratification or someone elses gratifaction, it doesnt matter in this case, compatibility is still an issue. If I were to focus on 'gratifying them' then i'd have to know what turned them on, and be 'willing' to do that for them.

I agree that in a perfect loving marriage, we would all do what i partners wanted (providing it didnt mean disrespecting yourself or something). But, unfortauntely things arent like that always.
Sometimes a man might marry a woman, (excuse me if the next part sounds blunt) but all she wants to do is just lay there, or suppose she doesnt agree with anything but intercourse, and only in 1 position, etc.

Worse yet, suppose she for some reason isnt as interested in sex as he is.

when you are married, you are stuck with that, for the rest of your life.
sex is important. if it wasnt, people would not get married but just live together forever instead and keep that promise.
(but of course if they wanted a family, then sex would be necessary)

what if when you actually do get physical with them, you find out you really don't enjoy it? thats what i mean.

Don't take this the wrong way or anything... I just think that maybe you're worrying about it a tad more than you need to!!

 

[intricatic]

You are so right. I learned that recently. And then when it ends, it hurts so much more.

Yeah, I had to learn the hard way, too. And it really is quite a hard lesson to learn. At least I know I won't have to worry about making the same mistakes again.

 

[intricatic]

Whether its self gratification or someone elses gratifaction, it doesnt matter in this case, compatibility is still an issue. If I were to focus on 'gratifying them' then i'd have to know what turned them on, and be 'willing' to do that for them.

I agree that in a perfect loving marriage, we would all do what i partners wanted (providing it didnt mean disrespecting yourself or something). But, unfortauntely things arent like that always.
Sometimes a man might marry a woman, (excuse me if the next part sounds blunt) but all she wants to do is just lay there, or suppose she doesnt agree with anything but intercourse, and only in 1 position, etc.

I guess, to me, that's really not in any way important. In the hypothetical situation that I was married to a girl who feels the way you describe, I probably wouldn't even think about it. Sexual gratification is fleeting and nothing compared to the lasting joys of the rest of the relationship.

Worse yet, suppose she for some reason isnt as interested in sex as he is.

Worse yet, that she may not be purely after sex and he is. Hedonism says: If the sex ain't good, why continue the relationship?

when you are married, you are stuck with that, for the rest of your life.
sex is important. if it wasnt, people would not get married but just live together forever instead and keep that promise.
(but of course if they wanted a family, then sex would be necessary)

Not true. Marriage is about a commitment to another person; it's about loving someone so completely that you're willing to put up with the irritation of living with them because the fact that you do love them supercedes any annoyances that may come from it. If it was only about sex, we wouldn't even have marriage. That commitment and ceremony would be valueless.

what if when you actually do get physical with them, you find out you really don't enjoy it? thats what i mean.

Then I'd say that you probably don't love them in a way befitting of a marriage.

 

[Alenci]

intricatic, I will not even bother to quote your post, but I agree 110% with absolutely everything you just said.

 

[Alenci]

what if when you actually do get physical with them, you find out you really don't enjoy it? thats what i mean.

Then I'd say that you probably don't love them in a way befitting of a marriage.

And I agree 112% with this.

 

[intricatic]

intricatic, I will not even bother to quote your post, but I agree 110% with absolutely everything you just said.

I dunno if it's a bad thing or not, but I'm actually amazed there are people who agree with me on this topic. Thanks.

 

[Weasel7711]

Looking intently into eachothers eyes is going too far physically...