Hi,
I posted this in the depression thread then discovered this one so have put it in here.....
This is my first time on here - love that its a chrsitian site!!! Well......just a lil background on me - I'm a mum of two beautiful girls, wife to an amazing man. My husband and I are the youth leaders at our church to an awesome bunch of growing young people. I am also a worship leader, dance group leader and I am a relieving teacher as well!!! Yes life is busy and we love it! BUT I'm just a little lost with myself at the moment.
At the end of November last year we found out that we were going to be expecting out third baby - this was planned and so we were all really happy with the news. When I was just over 10 weeks pregnant we found out that the baby had died and two weeks later I miscarried. This blew me away! We stayed with my parents for a week and I started to get myself back together again. But since then I have had this ....silent grief I guess that just won't disappear - I think I'm fine then it just so ever slightly all hits again! We are trying at the momnet to conceive again but even in the last few months we have had friends baby's born and two of my close friends also fall pregnant - I know its silly but it feels like everyone is getting what I want so badly.
I think I'm finding it hard too because the people I would normally go to when I'm feeling like this are all pregnant or have just had babies and I'm not sure if I could spill all my feelings onto them. Even my closest friend who we usually spend every weekend with - I feel fine but want to leave a room if conversation starts to head towards her pregnancy or babies. Maybe its jealously in a way but that is just not like me - I know God knows my heart and what I am longing for and if its to happen it will happen in His timing but I'm just finding this 'waiting' time really difficult. My husband understands but I don't think he realises how deep it is 'hurting' and I find it hard to help him understand. If anyone has anything to say ...I'd love to hear from you!!!
I posted this in the depression thread then discovered this one so have put it in here.....
This is my first time on here - love that its a chrsitian site!!! Well......just a lil background on me - I'm a mum of two beautiful girls, wife to an amazing man. My husband and I are the youth leaders at our church to an awesome bunch of growing young people. I am also a worship leader, dance group leader and I am a relieving teacher as well!!! Yes life is busy and we love it! BUT I'm just a little lost with myself at the moment.
At the end of November last year we found out that we were going to be expecting out third baby - this was planned and so we were all really happy with the news. When I was just over 10 weeks pregnant we found out that the baby had died and two weeks later I miscarried. This blew me away! We stayed with my parents for a week and I started to get myself back together again. But since then I have had this ....silent grief I guess that just won't disappear - I think I'm fine then it just so ever slightly all hits again! We are trying at the momnet to conceive again but even in the last few months we have had friends baby's born and two of my close friends also fall pregnant - I know its silly but it feels like everyone is getting what I want so badly.
I think I'm finding it hard too because the people I would normally go to when I'm feeling like this are all pregnant or have just had babies and I'm not sure if I could spill all my feelings onto them. Even my closest friend who we usually spend every weekend with - I feel fine but want to leave a room if conversation starts to head towards her pregnancy or babies. Maybe its jealously in a way but that is just not like me - I know God knows my heart and what I am longing for and if its to happen it will happen in His timing but I'm just finding this 'waiting' time really difficult. My husband understands but I don't think he realises how deep it is 'hurting' and I find it hard to help him understand. If anyone has anything to say ...I'd love to hear from you!!!