What if you don't love others yet?

[Heathos33]

Hello ya'll.

I "said the prayer" 10 years ago to get saved, yet didn't really change much about myself, except my cursing (I was 14 at the time), when I "got saved". However, I went through the annual go-to-church-camp-rededicate-my-life-come-home-and-go-back-to-my-old-ways thing up to college, where I still thought about God every night when I prayed, yet didn't seek Him out or read the Bible...mainly because it wasn't fun or as enjoyable as a Stephen King novel or the latest movie I had to see. (I'm sure this makes sense to many of you)

However, just 2 months ago, my girlfriend split up with me (one whom I thought I would marry, so she was my first for everything intimate and sexual) and completely turned my life upside down, and everything that I took pleasure in (EVERYTHING, even the little things) wasn't fun anymore. Thus, because I felt so alone and in such pain and agony (she was my life and I mistakingly thought that I would find completeness in her) I turned to God and Jesus (God or Jesus, same thing...yet not) to help me, and was like, "I realize now that the direction I was heading was someplace you didn't want me, and that even for the past 10 years, I haven't realized what it's like to give you 100% of me, yet I do now, mold me and make me in your image."

Ok, the question (sorry if this is too long): I now read the Bible every day and pray more-a lot more, every day and I know that I'm supposed to love others like He loved/loves us. Yet is it ok that i dont' yet? I'm still not particularly sure if I was saved when I said the prayer years ago, or when I actually gave God ALL of me so that I could live in His will (I think it's the former, but that's another story) and live how He wants me to live. It's just that I still don't have that love for others, but I pray every day that it will grow and that soon I will look forward to sharing Christ with others, and to love my neighbors (even though I'm scared of them because I live in a bad part of town in an apartment complex) as Christ loves us.

Has anybody had these insecurities, which I guess might be attributable to lack of faith, or maybe lack of knowledge, or maybe lack of patience that as I seek God out He will continue to transfrom my mind? Any and all thoughts would be appreciated, God bless!

 

[snoochface]

I understand what you mean. I have only been a Christian for about 9 months myself, and while I felt myself changing in my attitudes and way of thinking, it's only been very recently that I felt like I was growing as a Christian.

I don't know if it makes you feel any better to know that other people have been through the same sort of thing - but I have. I think that we aren't given this sudden capacity to love other people so we can feel all warm and fuzzy toward them and love them the way Jesus loves us. Instead, I think that love is a choice, a decision we make, and an action we take. And our ability to make that choice and take that action is the gift God gives to us.

For example, on another forum where I participate, I've had some conflict and misunderstanding with a particular person. My inclination, likely out of old habits dying hard, was to argue with him, put him in his place, defend myself, etc. and that's probably what I would have done before. Instead of jumping right in to the fray, I stopped for a minute and thought about it. I was able to realize that this person is someone I don't need to be fighting with, but someone I need to be kinder to, someone I need to try to understand better - in short, someone I need to make more of an effort to love. I think that ability to not jump on him, and to try to mend fences and *choose* to be loving, came from God.

I don't think you're going to automatically start feeling love for other people, especially ones you might be afraid of, or have nothing in common with, or even be in conflict with. You're not going to like everyone, and I'm sure you'll still have your share of people you actively dislike. It's more how you act toward those people, or react to them, that matters. I mean, it's easy to love people you like and have a lot in common with, who are nice to you and respectful of you. It's being able to choose to love the ones who don't like you, and don't treat you well, being able to make the decision that you are going to love them and pray for them and treat them with kindness anyway, that is the gift from God.

But I'm still very new at all this, so hopefully others will have better advice for you.

 

[Sketcher]

Ok, the question (sorry if this is too long): I now read the Bible every day and pray more-a lot more, every day and I know that I'm supposed to love others like He loved/loves us. Yet is it ok that i dont' yet? I'm still not particularly sure if I was saved when I said the prayer years ago, or when I actually gave God ALL of me so that I could live in His will (I think it's the former, but that's another story) and live how He wants me to live. It's just that I still don't have that love for others, but I pray every day that it will grow and that soon I will look forward to sharing Christ with others, and to love my neighbors (even though I'm scared of them because I live in a bad part of town in an apartment complex) as Christ loves us.

Has anybody had these insecurities, which I guess might be attributable to lack of faith, or maybe lack of knowledge, or maybe lack of patience that as I seek God out He will continue to transfrom my mind? Any and all thoughts would be appreciated, God bless!

It sounds like you've been saved. You are God's project (Eph 2:10) and you've just become workable. You're already doing the right thing because you're praying about it. Just trust God that He will reward you in Heaven or on earth for helping people in need, and be determined to love those people when you see them. It never gets easy, but you do need to start somewhere. If the Spirit has burdened you to help in a certain way, start doing that. If not, just meet a need that you see.

 

[Truth and Reconciliation]

Salvation comes once and cannot be taken away, but your growth in Spirit is a lifelong process. Meaning? It will take time! You will grow through your experiences as a Christian (i.e. your girlfriend breaking up with you) and become strengthened in Him.

But most of all, keep praying and dwelling in His Word!

Blessings,

Vincent

 

[BlessedVegan]

I agree with what the others have said, it will take time. You may not love everyone yet. I have the same problem..I am very impatient with people and tend to think negatively of them. I read in Mere Christianity that what you should do is act as if you love them..be nice to them, helpful, etc..even if you don't like them. You can't neccacarily change what you think but you can change how you act towards people. I've tried and found that when I am nice to people (even if they annoy me) I tend to start feeling nicer towards them in my heart. I'm definately not cured of this problem but this method has helped me alot. Good luck!

 

[Heathos33]

Thanks for the advice guys. It's going to take time, and all your comments really helped. God bless.