What have I done

[jwesleya]

I've been of the faith now for about 6 months. So far I have been very disappointed in myself. I have rarely read the bible, rarely prayed, and rarely been involved with a congregation. I believe strongly. I have absolutely no doubt that God exists, nor do I have any doubt that Jesus exists, and that he died for us. However, obviously something is wrong with my faith, as I haven't been very concerned with living up to God's expectations.

One of my biggest issues is my political beliefs. I am a very passionate person, and when I believe in something, when I have an opinion on something, I go all the way. There is no margin for error.

I don't have a very good relationship with my mother. I rarely ever talk with her. It had been well over a year since I talked to her when I called her last week. Since then I've called her every few days and talked with her. Today I called her and we started talking. I brought up politics, and my mother explained how politics are a thing of men, a worldly thing, and that we should not be concerned with such things, as they are not of God. I countered with saying that politics are very important to me. They are more than just how I want to see the government ran, or who I want to see in office, but about my very core beliefs. I explained that my beliefs in politics share a root with my spiritual beliefs.

Things started spiraling down hill after that. We began to argue. I don't have many of the answers that I need (about my faith) because I have not studied the bible or attended church. I have grown angry and bitter with God. I don't understand why things are they way they are. My mother began quoting from scriptures, but those answers just weren't doing it for me. I don't understand why I had to be born into sin just because Adam made a mistake. I told my mother that the actions God has taken make no sense from my perspective, while at least the actions of man do. I said that between choosing worldly and choosing spiritually, I'd have to go with worldly because at least I could understand that.

I was growing angrier and angrier. I forget what I eventually said but my mom ended up asking me if I hate God. I said that I guess I do. At that point she said that I am an apostate. So I told her that we were on different sides of the line. At that point I hung up on her. She doesn't have my phone number, so there's no way she can call me back.

I just know that she must have cried. I know that I hurt her when I did that and said those things. I don't understand why I'm so messed up and sometimes I think it would be better to just die so I wouldn't have to care any more. Often times I detest myself, and now I've taken it out on someone who only loves me and wants the best for me. I've just made a huge mistake and I really don't know where to go from here.

 

[LilLamb219]

You're mad at God. A lot of Christians get mad at God at one time or another in their lives. We don't understand why He does things or why He allows certain things and it angers us. We feel as if He's not the God we would want...but that's because we don't always know God's ways. (His ways are not our ways).

Your mom might not have been fully accurate on the things she was saying to you (or her beliefs concerning politics). You enjoy politics. That's okay. You can be a Christian and be into politics.

Don't allow your argument with your mom to turn you away from God. Go find out who He really is. Read your Bible. You will be blessed Then apologize to your mom for upsetting her and let her know that it's probably best you don't talk about religion or politics for a while so you can rebuild your relationship...because it's important to you

 

[1watchman]

I've been of the faith now for about 6 months. So far I have been very disappointed in myself. I have rarely read the bible, rarely prayed, and rarely been involved with a congregation. I believe strongly. I have absolutely no doubt that God exists, nor do I have any doubt that Jesus exists, and that he died for us. However, obviously something is wrong with my faith, as I haven't been very concerned with living up to God's expectations.

One of my biggest issues is my political beliefs. I am a very passionate person, and when I believe in something, when I have an opinion on something, I go all the way. There is no margin for error.

I don't have a very good relationship with my mother. I rarely ever talk with her. It had been well over a year since I talked to her when I called her last week. Since then I've called her every few days and talked with her. Today I called her and we started talking. I brought up politics, and my mother explained how politics are a thing of men, a worldly thing, and that we should not be concerned with such things, as they are not of God. I countered with saying that politics are very important to me. They are more than just how I want to see the government ran, or who I want to see in office, but about my very core beliefs. I explained that my beliefs in politics share a root with my spiritual beliefs.

Things started spiraling down hill after that. We began to argue. I don't have many of the answers that I need (about my faith) because I have not studied the bible or attended church. I have grown angry and bitter with God. I don't understand why things are they way they are. My mother began quoting from scriptures, but those answers just weren't doing it for me. I don't understand why I had to be born into sin just because Adam made a mistake. I told my mother that the actions God has taken make no sense from my perspective, while at least the actions of man do. I said that between choosing worldly and choosing spiritually, I'd have to go with worldly because at least I could understand that.

I was growing angrier and angrier. I forget what I eventually said but my mom ended up asking me if I hate God. I said that I guess I do. At that point she said that I am an apostate. So I told her that we were on different sides of the line. At that point I hung up on her. She doesn't have my phone number, so there's no way she can call me back.

I just know that she must have cried. I know that I hurt her when I did that and said those things. I don't understand why I'm so messed up and sometimes I think it would be better to just die so I wouldn't have to care any more. Often times I detest myself, and now I've taken it out on someone who only loves me and wants the best for me. I've just made a huge mistake and I really don't know where to go from here.

Yes, you "made a huge mistake", as you say. Your mother sounds like a Godly woman, and you rebuked her! I can understand how this happens, and Satan used the situation to defeat you. Politics and anything else should never be more important than honoring the Lord and your parents. One does not always need to agree with parents, but God says to honor them (and certainly we ought to honor God).

So, now what? Let us look at why and how this happened. 1) Satan got advantage of you; 2) You have your priorities wrong; 3) You may be a professing Christian, but not truly "born again" as a child of God; 4) You cannot hang onto the world and live for God; Etc.

Let me share a thought here that may help you start over. First, apologize to your mom. See if the following quote helps:

"There is a danger of intellectualizing God, rather than coming personally in faith (see Heb. 11:6). Here is something one should do:

Three things need to be appreciated to find God, be saved for eternity and enjoy His blessings (read all these verses in your Bible ---for God speaks through His Word):

1) Go into your "closet (Mt. 6:6) --private place away from other people, and speak humbly with your Creator-God, giving thanks for all His mercies;
2) Confess and own you are a sinner before God as He says of all mankind (see Rom. 3:11-26); and state you want to be saved, obey, and live for Him;
3) Confess to Him you are now receiving God's beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, into your heart as your Savior (read 1 Jn. 5:10-13), and give thanks honestly to the Lord Jesus for His sacrifice on the cross and suffering for you.

If you honestly do all that in sincere communion, you can go forth happy in your soul, walking and talking with the Lord Jesus, knowing from God's promises you have done all that is required in the Bible to be saved. The Lord Jesus will truly come and make His “abode” in you by the Holy Spirit, and you will be sealed as a child of God (read all of John 3 and John 14:23 and Eph. 1:13).

It is really simple, but many miss salvation by taking short-cuts and follow religious ways and their own ideas, and are not honest and faithful in talking to the Savior. Be sure to also read your Bible daily.

The above thoughts show that which is involved, but actually one can simply cry to the Lord Jesus to save oneself, and if done in real faith and trust in Him, God will do the work and convince one."

Write me if you would like to talk further.

- 1 Watchman

 

[contango]

I'll second what's already been said. Politics is an area that tends to bring out the worst in people. Whatever your political views remember that God's kingdom doesn't work the same way our kingdoms do, and God's kingdom doesn't necessarily fit neatly into man-made political pigeonholes.

I've come across people who insist that anyone who votes Democrat can't possibly be a true Christian because they support abortion, and others who insist that anyone who votes Republican can't possibly be a true Christian because they'd rather cut taxes for the super-rich than feed the hungry. Neither stance is helpful, because whichever way Christians vote they'll (hopefully) have thought about the relative merits of each party and picked the one they thing is the best balance.

In human terms an awful lot of what God would have us do makes no sense. Much of our own activities are about us, about our status, our mission, our goals. Even if our goals are apparently selfless it can easily be about what we're doing for the poor, the downtrodden. A kind of inverted snobbery if you will. Look at some of the odd stuff God told the OT prophets to do (Ezekiel and Jeremiah are obvious examples, as is Hosea being told to marry a prostitute). These things are way up there on the "you want me to do what?" scale.

What makes sense often depends on the relative wisdom of the parties involved. When I was a small child I wanted to play with the big knife that Mummy used to cut up the food. She wouldn't let me, despite my protestations that I'd be careful with it. Her refusal made no sense to me - why didn't she trust me? Did she think I was lying about being careful? Did she think I'd do something stupid with it? The answer, which is clear as an adult, is that she knew that despite my protestations all it would take would be a slight slip with it and I'd do myself some serious damage. So it is with God - we might think we're smart and we've got it all figured out but God can see what we can't see. If you like, we see "through a glass, darkly" (1Co 13:12, KJV) where God sees clearly.

Where to go from here? How about calling your mum and apologising? Seriously, she's almost certainly hurting right now and apparently has no way of getting in touch with you. Let her know you love her and you're sorry for being a (insert term of your choice here). Perhaps she can help you get to grips with the Bible and with the God who is so widely misquoted or selectively quoted by Christians it's sometimes amazing that anyone wants anything to do with us.

 

[paul1149]

Jwesleya,

I'm not convinced that your mother handled that particularly well either. I'm not excusing your lack of control, but I do think you have a valid point about the possibility of politics reflecting spiritual values. I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of on that count.

It seems to me that you’ve got all the pieces right in front of you, but you need to put them together correctly. I don’t think the Lord is against your passions, but I do think He wants to put them in better perspective and harness them for His use. Until you find a way to cooperate with Him on that, you are going to keep shooting yourself in the foot.

If anything, consider calling your Mom back up and apologizing for your outburst. Tell her you disagree with her in substance, but that it was wrong to take it out on her or to indict God. I'm not even saying you have to call your mother often. But wherever the relationship détentes, let it happen on the best footing possible. Then turn to God and let Him work things out.

Don’t get discouraged by the emotional knot you find yourself in. the Lord is far, far greater than any problem you can come up with. Keep seeking Him, and keep exercising trust that He is going to meet you and set things right. So very often, once we are reconciled to His lordship, He then calls us to use our passions for His purposes. Jesus put it this way:

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -Mat 6.33

14 Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.” –ps 91
​

 

[wpage]

Go to the Lord with prayer...

Ask for forgiveness and read your Bible to be wise.

You are to honor your Mother and Father as commanded.

 

[Peripatetic]

The fact that you feel convicted for treating someone in a way that isn't loving is a very good sign. It shows that you are coming to know God's will and how it is in conflict with your nature sometimes. Guess what? We all have the same struggle! Each of us has a sinful nature and we catch ourselves acting worldly or unloving more than we'd like to admit. The people who are worst off are the ones who are completely blind to God's will and their worldly nature.

The apostle Paul (who wrote a lot of the New Testament) talked about this same struggle in his own life in Romans 7:15: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." It makes sense if you pause after hate (but what I hate... that is what I do).

The important thing is to learn from our failures and slowly let the Holy Spirit help us to improve over time.

 

[heron]

Your mom might not have been fully accurate on the things she was saying to you (or her beliefs concerning politics). You enjoy politics. That's okay. You can be a Christian and be into politics.

Don't allow your argument with your mom to turn you away from God. Go find out who He really is. Read your Bible. You will be blessed

David and Solomon were politicians. Moses and Aaron, Deborah, Josiah, Melchizedek(Gen 14)... actually, I'd be better off just giving you this link:
Kings of Israel and Judah - Biblical people

It sounds like your mother has learned teachings that were presented carelessly, and then reinforced by Christian friends. As said above, look it up for yourself and do your own research. It can be a fascinating and freeing exploration, to find out what is really in scriptures.

Imagine if people had no political passion -- countries would be invaded immediately, and the citizenry would be lost. People have to defend their territories, because there is always an external threat. And people always need to govern their land wisely, caring for the people's needs and equity.

I would guess there is more about politics in the Bible than on memorizing scriptures, praise and worship, fasting, being merciful, having quiet times... the typical things Christian leaders teach on.

It could also be very freeing for you to visit other churches. This will help you see where boundaries can be shifted and still fit under the umbrella of Christianity. God offers salvation to us all, but some believers have tighter religiosity than others.

If you are able to go to a different church than she does, you will not need to associate God with the competition and pressure she is presenting to you.