What does it mean when a Christian woman tells a Christian man he isn’t physically loving her enough in the relationship ?

[QuestionQuest74]

What does this mean for a non-married couple ? Does this mean more hugs or kisses ? ?

 

[com7fy8]

It depends on who and how the woman is.

And how is your relationship with her?

If you love her dearly and trust her but you are being cautious not to push her into more affectionate sharing . . . maybe she is helping to encourage you that she has feelings for you, too, and she trusts you.

And if it is love, there can be great quality with little quantity, not feeding and leading to lust.

But if you are sure you do not know her well and trust her, hopefully you are not isolated with her on a date when she starts trying to get physically involved with you. I would not isolate on a date with someone I do not know and trust.

She is not going to get love by physical sharing with you. She needs to share with different maturing Christians, if she is to learn how to love. She needs to share in a group, perhaps, and have people around her who care for her and can help you to help her. If you get isolated with her, she might be able to steer and control you for what she wants that is not real love.

 

[QuestionQuest74]

It depends on who and how the woman is.

And how is your relationship with her?

Someone im dating.

If you love her dearly and trust her but you are being cautious not to push her into more affectionate sharing . . . maybe she is helping to encourage you that she has feelings for you, too, and she trusts you.


And if it is love, there can be great quality with little quantity, not feeding and leading to lust.

But if you are sure you do not know her well and trust her, hopefully you are not isolated with her on a date when she starts trying to get physically involved with you. I would not isolate on a date with someone I do not know and trust.

She is not going to get love by physical sharing with you. She needs to share with different maturing Christians, if she is to learn how to love. She needs to share in a group, perhaps, and have people around her who care for her and can help you to help her. If you get isolated with her, she might be able to steer and control you for what she wants

What might she want ?

that is not real love.

 

[PloverWing]

What does this mean for a non-married couple ? Does this mean more hugs or kisses ? ?

Why don't you ask her what, exactly, she means by what she said, and what specific things she needs from you?

 

[QuestionQuest74]

Why don't you ask her what, exactly, she means by what she said, and what specific things she needs from you?

I did she not explaining so what you think ?

 

[PloverWing]

I did she not explaining so what you think ?

I can't say, since I haven't spoken to her and I haven't seen the two of you together. It's unfortunate that the two of you aren't able to communicate your needs more clearly to each other.

 

[Unqualified]

We are just trying to to see if we can be friends?

 

[WolfGate]

I think it's unfair and not helpful for her to expect you to read her mind or guess what she wants.

 

[com7fy8]

What might she want ?

She might want good things with a genuinely Christian man, but she is not a submissive person. So, she can use control methods, like charm and showing herself to be superior so you are begging for her attention and affection, like she is superior and doing you a favor to give you anything, at all.

There is no mutual prayerful submission with one another. But God's word says how to relate >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

So, I meant to the say, I would not get isolated dating someone who is one-way, not mutual. Someone can use affection to get you hooked under her power, more deeply. So, in case you're not mutual and prayerful with each other, I would not get more and more physical.

I fell for someone who now I see could be a charmer and teaser. It seems she can praise the living daylights out of you, but then expect . . . demand . . . that you do everything perfectly with her, the way she wants, since you are so right. But when you fail, you have fooled her, no way could she have fooled her own self!

 

[QuestionQuest74]

She might want good things with a genuinely Christian man, but she is not a submissive person. So, she can use control methods, like charm and showing herself to be superior so you are begging for her attention and affection, like she is superior and doing you a favor to give you anything, at all.

There is no mutual prayerful submission with one another. But God's word says how to relate >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

So, I meant to the say, I would not get isolated dating someone who is one-way, not mutual. Someone can use affection to get you hooked under her power, more deeply. So, in case you're not mutual and prayerful with each other, I would not get more and more physical.

I fell for someone who now I see could be a charmer and teaser. It seems she can praise the living daylights out of you, but then expect . . . demand . . . that you do everything perfectly with her, the way she wants, since you are so right. But when you fail, you have fooled her, no way could she have fooled her own self!

Was she a Christian women ?

 

[com7fy8]

Was she a Christian women ?

I would say she was not functioning the way Jesus would have her relating and evaluating whom to marry and how to seek a husband. But she could present herself as being all about God's word and loving Jesus and loving people, and being a role model.

But she was not a Biblical example, whether she could be called . . . labeled . . . a Christian, or not.

She was not emotionally the way Jesus has a person living in His love's "rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:29)

So, she was not dating material, I would say, for marriage preparation. She needed to share with mature people who could see through her and help her get real correction > Hebrews 12:4-14 > so she could become submissive to Jesus and share as family with His submissive people >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

 

[Michie]

What does this mean for a non-married couple ? Does this mean more hugs or kisses ? ?

For a woman, it means a lot more than that. It’s not just sex. Again, physically can mean showing true love and affection outside the bedroom as well. At all times. Not just when you want something.

 

[QuestionQuest74]

For a woman, it means a lot more than that. It’s not just sex. Again, physically can mean showing true love and affection outside the bedroom as well. At all times. Not just when you want something.

What can it mean from a woman standpoint ?

 

[Michie]

What can it mean from a woman standpoint ?

It means tenderness. For its own sake. Holding hands, caressing the back of her neck while watching a movie, etc. Not just doing those things when you expect sex in return. That’s a huge turn off for women. And does not promote trust. When you show physical affection to her that does not always mean making out/sex. It means true physical affection at all times. Not just when her man wants sex and suddenly she is expected to pay up.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

I don't understand your syntax. But, here goes.

She said something rather daring and when you asked what she means she doesn't say.

I think the next thing for you to do is point this out.

But, your strategy after that may vary, depending why you are dating her.

And ponder this: do you do nice things together?

BTW I'm 68 and single and no-one has ever in all these years explained any of this to me.

 

[com7fy8]

What does this mean for a non-married couple ? Does this mean more hugs or kisses ? ?

It means evaluate who this person is for you, and what you mean to her. In case she is just interested in hugging and kissing as entertainment and pleasure . . . I would say you should not be dating her. But I am prejudiced; I would not marry someone unless I am seriously interested in marrying her. Partly, this is because I would not want to help her to fall for me while I am not interested in her. And do you know her well enough to know what she really feels and hopes about you, if anything?

If it isn't anything to her, I would not do it. If she is serious about you and you do not know her well and do not deeply trust her, I would stay away from even just hugging and kissing. Plus, as I have said, I would not go out with someone unless I trust that person to not get crazy about me and I don't want to marry her. If she is emotionally trustworthy so she won't get hurt about you, still I don't consider kissing and hugging to be only a hobby.

So, what does she mean? What do you mean to her? How much does she mean to you?

In case it does not mean she is interested in marrying you . . . I would not do it with her. If you do not know what she means, possibly you do not know her well enough to share so sweetly and romantically.

But have you been trusting each other? Have you shared your very personal things with one another, and even helped each other to get real correction of God > James 5:16, Hebrews 12:4-14 < have you talked about hese scriptures with each other??

I would not get physical with her if you are not even sharing about your needs for real correction, and if you have not shared your personal problems and about your families and your backgrounds. If you do not trust each other, deeply, I think kissing and hugging could be superficial, and pleasure is not a real reason to do something. And pleasure is no substitute for learning how to relate intimately the way God's word says to share as family in Jesus.

You need to make sure you are sharing with various Jesus people, so you know how this is in God's love. This way, you won't very easily fall for someone in what is not this love. A woman can get you physical with her so you bypass learning how to live in real love in Jesus. The pleasure can trick you into overlooking that there isn't something deeper.

And then the weakness for the pleasure can later be weakness also for arguing and complaining and the pain thereof, and then the divorcing . . . as I am told that "over fifty-percent of Christian marriages" get into.

 

[com7fy8]

What can it mean from a woman standpoint ?

She is a unique person. God is our Creator, not a copying machine that makes every person the same as everyone else so we can predict what each person will do and read people's minds. Satan's worldly kingdom tries to make us all the same way, so it is easier to control us in order to use us. There is little or no effort to really get to know each person and understand how each person is and what each person deeply needs.

So, please to not try to put her in some category of being a "woman" and therefore what is true about "all women" must be true about her!!

Yes, there are cultural things which have affected how women develop, but a wise woman will get wise to how this world's culture has formed her, and now she is getting corrected by God so she matures as a new creation in Jesus.

So, you don't need to get to know her, based on how her culture has already affected her. She needs to get rid of that, and find out how to be and to love like Jesus. So, please do not try to understand and limit her to the way culture of this world has caused her to become!

But see if she is wise to that past stuff, that "background" stuff which she needs to forgive and get changed by God so she does not keep being deceived into what this world has trained men to expect of her.

But enjoy discovering her, if she is a growing Christian, and discover how she will develop and who she will become. If she is growing in Jesus, she will not stay the way she is now, but you will keep seeing how she is growing into a very different person while you also grow into someone you never knew you would become.

And share with others who are growing in Jesus, helping each other.