What does it mean to speak the truth in love?

[Evan Briggs]

I think the above statement is wright on time about The Truth, I think also that we all need to take heed of ourselves, in words, and in deeds, to see clearly what spirit we is of before we speak or do anything.

Bible Gateway passage: 2 Corinthians 13:5, 2 Peter 1:10-11 - English Standard Version

Yes that discernment gift is a great tool!

 

[Evan Briggs]

2Cor 10:5 KJV Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

 

[AlexDTX]

@GandalfTheWise
Thinking further on what you had said, this other thought came to my mind. In this forum, or any other online forum, not only should we think before we speak so we may speak the truth in love, we should also re-read what we write before we publish. I usually re-read for spelling errors and to check to see if what I wrote makes grammatical sense, but I often realize that what I wrote does not edify and erase it. And, sheepishly spoken, sometimes I go back to my published post and edit what I wrote. That would not be needed if I simply re-read and re-think what I say before hitting the "Post Reply" button.

 

[Evan Briggs]

@GandalfTheWise
Thinking further on what you had said, this other thought came to my mind. In this forum, or any other online forum, not only should we think before we speak so we may speak the truth in love, we should also re-read what we write before we publish. I usually re-read for spelling errors and to check to see if what I wrote makes grammatical sense, but I often realize that what I wrote does not edify and erase it. And, sheepishly spoken, sometimes I go back to my published post and edit what I wrote. That would not be needed if I simply re-read and re-think what I say before hitting the "Post Reply" button.

Yes this is a good reminder for myself as well. Because I have noticed that typing in my mind is a little different than talking obviously.. Its a good way to cast down those unfruitful compulsive thoughts..

 

[GandalfTheWise]

@AlexDTX I know what you mean.

I have a text file entitled "RandomThoughtsNotPosted.txt" that I cut and paste stuff to for saving when I'm not sure if I sure post it or not for whatever reason.

 

[AlexDTX]

As a little experiment, I have re-written 1 Corinthians 13 to fit speaking the truth in love (God don't strike me dead for adding to your Word! )

1Co 13:4 Speaking the truth in love is done with long patience, is kind in speech and tone; we do not speak the truth in love out of envy ; speaking the truth in love is not done with insolence or rashness, we do not speak the truth in love through pride,
1Co 13:5 we do not speak the truth in love by behavior of an unseemly manner, nor to seek what is our own way or opinion, nor when we speak the truth in love we are not quickly provoked, nor do we impute evil intention in others,
1Co 13:6 nor do we rejoice at iniquity but we rejoice with the truth,
1Co 13:7 speaking the truth in love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

We seek to edify and encourage our brethren, not combat, insult or discourage our brethren. As Isaiah said of the suffering messiah,

Isa_42:3 A bruised reed shall he not break, and the smoking flax shall he not quench: he shall bring forth judgment unto truth.

 

[RaymondG]

I feel, sometimes, it is best not to speak at all....and just take action....which in most cases would be to pray.
I judge this by my emotions.....if Im too emotionally attached to the subject, my response will have less truth to it. If I read something and feel anger, or strong judgement for or againt the post or person....then i am not in the right frame of mind to be used by God to deliver any message.....the message, true or false, would be my own.

If you see a baby, who cant walk, somehow make its way to the center of a staircase, the best thing to do is take action......get to it as fast and quietly as possible. If we instead get emotionally aroused and open our mouths.....we would most like do more harm than good.....we could, with a quick yell...scare the babe right down the flight of stairs.....

 

[tturt]

like your application of I Cor 13 AlexDTX

How the "truth" is presented - Many of us study and sometimes we arrive at different conclusions. (You know I'm not referring to the basics here). Then in discussions a perspective is posted as the only truth. Noticed there’s usually 2-3 exchanges, then the advice is “if YOU would really read xxx”. Next the personal attacks begin – (that's when the "love" really shines – just kidding, of course).

Confession: I've greatly modified, deleted, saved unposted thoughts as well. Even thought xxx against the person. Then it's time to logoff, repent for being upset with that poster, etc.

 

[AlexDTX]

I feel, sometimes, it is best not to speak at all....and just take action....which in most cases would be to pray.
I judge this by my emotions.....if Im too emotionally attached to the subject, my response will have less truth to it. If I read something and feel anger, or strong judgement for or againt the post or person....then i am not in the right frame of mind to be used by God to deliver any message.....the message, true or false, would be my own.

If you see a baby, who cant walk, somehow make its way to the center of a staircase, the best thing to do is take action......get to it as fast and quietly as possible. If we instead get emotionally aroused and open our mouths.....we would most like do more harm than good.....we could, with a quick yell...scare the babe right down the flight of stairs.....

Yeah, I really like your points. It dovetails with some further thoughts I have. It is one thing to be careful how we respond to people online, it is another thing when dealing with the people who are physically present in our lives.

Specifically I am thinking about my own relation with my wife. I am a morning person. I wake up and start running. She is a night person and is most clear in her thinking then. So if I try to talk about matters that are important in the morning, her brain is barely in first gear and she gets frustrated with my talking too fast (of which I think it is just normal). However, when I come home from work in the evening (I teach gymnastics which is afternoon and evening classes) my energy is spent and my ability to discuss anything drops down to grunts and stares. So the best time we can talk fruitfully is in the afternoon before I go to work.

What I am saying is that speaking the truth in love also requires two more elements not yet discussed: wisdom and dying to self. Wisdom in knowing the right time and way to speak and dying to self so I can understand her concern before trying to express my concerns. One would think that Christians would have the best marriages because we are trying walk in love. But that is not the case many times because we react to irritation, fatigue, misunderstood words, etc. instead of seeking the truth with the heart of love.

 

[woobadooba]

To speak the truth in love is to reflect the character of Christ.

 

[AlexDTX]

like your application of I Cor 13 AlexDTX

How the "truth" is presented - Many of us study and sometimes we arrive at different conclusions. (You know I'm not referring to the basics here). Then in discussions a perspective is posted as the only truth. Noticed there’s usually 2-3 exchanges, then the advice is “if YOU would really read xxx”. Next the personal attacks begin – (that's when the "love" really shines – just kidding, of course).

Confession: I've greatly modified, deleted, saved unposted thoughts as well. Even thought xxx against the person. Then it's time to logoff, repent for being upset with that poster, etc.

Amen brother. There are many who have strong opinions on doctrines that really can't be known. I have hosted a house church for the last seven years and there is a brother who is absolutely convinced that we will be raptured in the pre-tribulation period. My wife and I believe that it is a post-tribulation period when Jesus returns for the second time. However, we don't try to convince them to our view because it is pointless. We won't know for sure until Jesus actually comes. If he is right, then I go with him. If he is wrong we will work with them to care for them during Jacob's Trouble.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I ask this question since there are times when debates begin to be hurtful.

As YHWH shows in Hebrews concerning true discipline,

the truth can be or seem hurtful/ painful/ uncomfortable any time.

The TORAH, properly used, cuts away a lot of baggage, all error, any deception, and
may seem to the world to be wrong, to be unnecessary hurt/ pain/ lacking love (according to 'feelings'/'emotions' ) ...
but totally right and necessary for truth, for life, for edification, for training in the Gospel of Jesus,
and especially for driving out what does not belong in a child of YHWH
(like driving out the foolishness inside a child/ perhaps even an adult of any age)...

 

[aiki]

I ask this question since there are times when debates begin to be hurtful. I personally believe that the Truth does not need to be defended since it is the Truth that defends us.

I'm not sure what you mean here. What do you mean, exactly, by not defending the Truth? If someone tells a lie and you know it to be a lie, aren't you obliged to say so and thus defend the truth?

I also believe that the the truth does not hurt, rather it is the lie and deception we have believed that hurts when revealed.

Both falsehood and truth can hurt - just in different ways and to different effects.

So I think our job is to simply speak the truth and let the truth stand on its own.

And what if doing so offends someone? Should you fall silent concerning the truth?

However, I do think that when the pain of revealing lies is great that we should be kind and thoughtful in how we speak the truth.

I suppose. But there are times when no matter how graciously and gently the truth is told, it still offends and hurts. Should we forsake telling the truth, then, altogether? What is more important? Avoiding offense or speaking the truth?

Sometimes the truth simply needs to be alluded to and at other times it needs to be bluntly spoken. This all takes spiritual discernment, in my opinion.

I suppose. The truth should be a light in a dark place, not a knife in the back, or club across the skull.

It seems to me that considering the meaning of the Greek word for godly love, agape, would be a starting point. And a thoughtful consideration of 1 Corinthians 13 would be another point.

I think that considering carefully what the Bible means by agape love is vitally important for every believer.

 

[razzelflabben]

The core of Love is humility. Love comes from God since God is Love but the very core of Love is humility which is why the opposite of Love is NOT hate but pride.

 

[AlexDTX]

As YHWH shows in Hebrews concerning true discipline,

the truth can be or seem hurtful/ painful/ uncomfortable any time.

The TORAH, properly used, cuts away a lot of baggage, all error, any deception, and
may seem to the world to be wrong, to be unnecessary hurt/ pain/ lacking love (according to 'feelings'/'emotions' ) ...
but totally right and necessary for truth, for life, for edification, for training in the Gospel of Jesus,
and especially for driving out what does not belong in a child of YHWH
(like driving out the foolishness inside a child/ perhaps even an adult of any age)...

Thank you for your comment.

 

[AlexDTX]

I'm not sure what you mean here. What do you mean, exactly, by not defending the Truth? If someone tells a lie and you know it to be a lie, aren't you obliged to say so and thus defend the truth?

Jesus is the Truth. He defends us, he does not need us to defend him. What I mean is that speaking the truth is enough for the Holy Spirit to use in a listener's heart. How the Spirit will use the truth is up to him since he knows better. I am more interested in the work of the Spirit in someone's heart than my ability to convince them that they are wrong. As someone else said, if you can be convinced by someone one way, someone else can convince them another way. But the work of the Spirit is goes directly to the heart. Our understanding of something in the mind does not comprehend what's in another's heart.

Both falsehood and truth can hurt - just in different ways and to different effects.

I agree with these points, too. This is Satan's intention. He wants to spread lies that brings more damage to those who believe them.

And what if doing so offends someone? Should you fall silent concerning the truth?

Of course not. But it should be by the leading of the Spirit. Consider the Syroi-Phoenician woman who wanted Jesus to heal her son. Jesus said that it is not fit to cast the children's bread to the dogs. Jesus called her a dog and she knew that Jews regarded gentiles as dogs. She could have easily been offended, but the Spirit in Jesus was testing her faith to see if she really believed he could heal or son, of which she replied, yes, but even dogs get to eat the crumbs that fall on the floor.

I suppose. But there are times when no matter how graciously and gently the truth is told, it still offends and hurts. Should we forsake telling the truth, then, altogether? What is more important? Avoiding offense or speaking the truth?

Because we are in a fallen world, offenses will come. Jesus said so. My OP question is not intended to avoid speaking the truth, it is intended to find how to most effectively to speak the truth so it can be received.

I suppose. The truth should be a light in a dark place, not a knife in the back, or club across the skull.

Agreed.

I think that considering carefully what the Bible means by agape love is vitally important for every believer.

Also, agreed. There needs to be a clarification on the difference between agape love and simply the emotions of love and feelings. As I understand the meaning (and I could be wrong), the Greek word agape means caring about what is best for another person. For example a parent who spanks a child to keep him from doing harm to himself and others is expressing agape love, just as in Hebrews it says that those that God loves he disciplines. I have been spanked by the Lord. I know how it feels. I was humbled and could barely talk for several days, but it brought into me the peaceable fruits of righteousness He intended.

 

[AlexDTX]

The core of Love is humility. Love comes from God since God is Love but the very core of Love is humility which is why the opposite of Love is NOT hate but pride.

As a teacher, I would also add that humility brings teachableness. Which means that if we are speaking the truth in love we will also be receptive to the truth if it is spoken back to us.

 

[dqhall]

J
Of course not. But it should be by the leading of the Spirit. Consider the Syroi-Phoenician woman who wanted Jesus to heal her son. Jesus said that it is not fit to cast the children's bread to the dogs. Jesus called her a dog and she knew that Jews regarded gentiles as dogs. She could have easily been offended, but the Spirit in Jesus was testing her faith to see if she really believed he could heal or son, of which she replied, yes, but even dogs get to eat the crumbs that fall on the floor.

The Jews regarded the Gentiles as unclean. The Gentiles did not have the same laws of ritual purity and had been polluted by corpse uncleanness, dietary uncleanness, etc. They would not want to enter a Gentile's house for fear of being made unclean. I have not read they called them dogs. Gentile slaves owned by Jews and proselytes ranked very low in Jewish society. A prominent Jewish family of the priestly caste would not arrange a marriage with a Gentile.

Jesus was preaching against feeding dogs what was required to nourish people. There were times of famine in the ancient Roman empire and the service of dogs was doubtful at best.

I was doing online dating and writing to an unlicensed nurse who worked in a nursing home. She had a 12 year old dog. Her daughter was having financial difficulty and could not care for her 12 year old dog and asked her mother to take it. The woman was having a hard time making ends meet, then she started getting veterinary bills as two 12 year old dogs were elderly and in need of medical care. I asked her if she could put them up for adoption at the animal shelter. She could not. I could not tell her she was stupid for keeping expensive pets while she was near the edge of poverty because I remembered truth in love can not always be so blunt.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

"Open rebuke" (blunt truth) is better than "hidden"(quiet, unspoken) love.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

As I thought about this thread, I realized that I became a lot less confrontational over the years.

When I was younger, I was an obnoxious jerk who would argue about God's Truth over the drop of a hat. Anyone who was sinning, dabbled in unspiritual things, went to the wrong denomination, didn't believe the right things, etc. would often end up a target in my sights in my crusade to singlehandedly help everyone become holy and believe the right things about God. I was speaking truth and could expect persecution and rebellion from people who rejected it. So I sincerely kept on doing it thinking that I was doing the kingdom of God and the body of Christ a great favor.

In reality, I was a self-righteous zealous little pharisee who though I knew anything and everything. I burned a lot of bridges and I'm guessing some people avoided me. "Speaking Truth" had in essence become berating anyone who didn't act or think like I thought they should over anything that bothered me (or grieved my spirit to put it into a more spiritual form). I was doing a lot more hurting people than helping them. The issue isn't that I wasn't doing any good; I was doing some good. But the problem was the mixture of damaging and helping in itself meant I was doing it wrong. This was not what God wanted me to be doing.

I found later that I was having a lot more impact on people's lives by being helpful, encouraging, loving, and letting them see my life. Instead of using my words to tell them what to believe and how to act, I was showing them through my actions and on occasion explaining it. Now, I'm mainly an old guy who writes long (sometimes rambling) posts, tells stories making fun of how stupid I used to be, acts like I'm giving good grandfatherly advice, and occasionally gives young whippersnappers a piece of my mind when they get too far out of line.

It's fortunate that no one here would be arguing that speaking truth means having the obligation and willingness to address any and every sin and doctrinal error that they think they might be seeing.