What does is mean if you feel differently?

[Amazon]

Not sure where to post this thread...

DH and I stopped using contraception nearly a year and a half ago, but we've only really been trying for the last few months. For over a year, knowing that DH didn't really want children right now, I kept my baby feelings to myself, but I often used to cry if I saw people with babies and I used to imagine and plan what I would do with my own. I'm sure everyone here knows so I don't need to go on...

Eventually I told DH how I felt - I didn't want to be pressuring him but, after several "scares" I couldn't keep the crushing disappointments of the negative pregnancy tests to myself any more. When he saw how much it meant to me he agreed to start trying properly. I mean - wow - it was U-turn from him I was so happy.

I know it's only been 4 months, but I was absolutely completely gutted not to be pregnant this Christmas. For some reason it was the hardest period to accept so far. I was so sure this time - thought I had nausea and everything. I never felt so low as I did at the start of this month.

But something wierd happened to me last week. I was at a friend's party (- she doesn't have children either and her DH won't even consider having them - it was a condition of their marriage.) And suddenly I felt like "I love my life. I love my friends. I love being able to go away for the weekend like this." And suddenly it hit me what an awesome responsibility it would be to have a baby, and how much would change.

It's not like I didn't realise before - I used to imagine having a baby and I was prepared to give up social life/money/career prospects. i had weighed it up and I still desperately wanted to have a child. Just one. Please God.

But now, right this second. I don't. the reality of it seems terrifying. The cost and the risk is so high...

Is God telling me that I am not meant to bear children, and bringing me to a place where i am OK with it?
Or is it normal to have a month where you change your mind?
I have never felt like this before... I don't know what it means.

Just like to hear from others...

 

[felinity]

Maybe God is just telling you to wait, to have patience, and to be grateful for the gifts you have.

My husband and I struggle with the same feelings off and on. When you have children, your primary responsibility is toward them, which limits your possibilities. So enjoy this time of less responsibility, make the most of it, and prepare yourself emotionally for parenthood.

 

[Amazon]

Thanks for your reply. It's nice to hear that you have similar "on and off" feelings. It makes me feel like less of a monster.

You know, even though I felt differently over Christmas it didn't stop me having my monthly phantom morning sickness. Plus my period was early so initially I thought I was having a miscarriage. I cried myself to sleep.

Now, thinking about it, I was working nights over Christmas so my body clock was probably just completely thrown. And I'm starting to wonder if nausea is just one of my pre-menstrual symptoms.

Anyway, we are going to keep trying, but I am going to focus on other things too. I think maybe that's what God was trying to say. I had sort of put things on hold until I got pregnant. I think I will not do that now.

 

[felinity]

I think that's a great idea. Do what you can to keep your body healthy in case of a pregnancy. Take vitamins, avoid substances that could harm a baby, exercise, and so forth, but take some time to do the things that will be harder with a baby.

 

[Prisca9]

Hey Amazon,

I was also due over Christmas ... Christmas day in fact. I knew I'd be gutted if AF showed on 25th so I prayed about it, and God is so good - period started 24th so by next day I felt ok about it (though still disappointed).

I sometimes get scared, or apprehensive about having children. I've always wanted to be a mother; and right now I want it more than I've wanted anything (give or take a couple of issues!) ... but every now and then I see a parent struggling with a naughty or sick child, or I look at my life now and think that I am so blessed and I wonder ... do I really want this to change? DH and I are comfortable, we have time to go out and see our friends, and people with children look so distraught and exhausted!

But those moments last for maybe a couple of hours at most. Then I see a mum or dad pick up their baby and my insides just melt. I want this so much ...!!!

So don't feel bad. I think most people get 'cold feet' ... like before your wedding. It's a big change to make!

 

[tigercub]

I can understand Christmas being a difficult time for TTCers.

AF was very late for me, was due in late November. Didn't show...I tested once with negative results....decide to wait til after Christmas to test....Front up for the Boxing Day sales (Dec 26th) 5 minutes in that familiar feeling starts...yup it was AF *sigh* In all her crampy glory.

 

[stealingheaven]

Hi Amazon, I think what you're thinking and feeling is natural so don't feel bad, like a 'monster' because you think differently every now and then. I so can't wait to be a Mum but I still have days when I think how much our lives will change and it does make me feel a little uneasy but I know it's OK to feel like that. I know that some of the things we really enjoy to do like camping or spontaneously booking a week-end away and treating ourselves will have to change, and I think how much I'll miss those things, but when I think about what we'll have in return, it's so much more.
So don't beat yourself up when you think of the changes that will occur in your life when you do have a child, it's OK.