what do you think?

[as1013]

ok,maybe I put this in the wrong forum before because nobody answered...I don't know,I'm new,but I didn't think it would matter so much if I put it in the wrong place. I mean,this board is a little overwhelming with all of the different forums & I'd think people would want to help even if I put it in the wrong spot? Anyways, if anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it...


My boyfriend and I got into an argument on friday night over very important things. He called me saturday acting like nothing happened. I told him I did not want to get together because I was still upset. Well,that night I picked up my friend who's car broke down. She happens to live nearby my boyfriend so I decided to stop by and see if we could work things out. (I knew he'd be home because he had to babysit) I get there and one of his friends is over...only this isn't just any friend...he had kissed her twice in the past! And they were alone in the house-and we were in an argument. Even if they ARE just friends, I don't think he should be talking about our personal problems to a female he was (probably still is) attracted to in a house alone. When he called me he couldn't discuss anything with me...but he could with her??? Am I the only one who thinks this was not good? Am I overreacting? Should I give him a chance? What do you guys think??

 

[SGaulke26]

I think that sometimes it helps to have another person to talk to because your vision can get cloudy when you are in a relationship. I know it helps me to talk to a friend or counselor if I fight with my husband. However, I think that he was being very insensitive by talking to this girl and it seems kind of immature. Also, it seems that you might not trust him. If he was talking with a guy friend, would you care as much? If you can't trust him, you shouldn't be dating him.

If you guys are still disagreeing, I would suggest finding a friend that you both trust (maybe a pastor) and talk to him/her together. That way both sides are heard from a neutral perspective.

Good luck!

 

[as1013]

Ok,thanks for your response! I am glad to see I am not the only one who thinks it wasn't a good thing for him to do. I don't really mind if he has friends that are girls...I just don't think being alone with one and talking about relationship problems is a good idea. I think even if you have good intentions it's not a good situation. You are right, I don't trust him. I think that has more to do with me than him though. I just have had too many guys with girlfriends who had come to me with relationship problems and end up falling for me...but I guess I can't compare my boyfriend with other guys. He didn't think there was anything wrong but he agreed with me that it did not look good and said he was sorry. So,I guess that is good that he agrees with me. Anyways,thanks for the advice!

 

[joyinchrist]

I only think its ok to talk about relationship problems when its with someone mututally agreed upon by both of you. If he goes to someone like this now, what will he do the next time you argue? I'd get rid of him fast

 

[John the Engineer]

If you don't like the fact that he's around this woman (girl?) then you should tell him, and if you're truly the most important person in his life then he should respect that. Especially being someone that he's attracted to, having her be with him alone is asking for trouble. People always say "Well you should just trust", but in reality in a relationship you should not be DEMANDING your partner require trust, you should be looking to keep yourself from temptation and keep yourself completely accountable if possible.

My Mom and Dad have been married for 30+ years, and my Mom will not allow herself to be in the house alone, even when work is involved, with a man.

I think it's not too much to ask them to not be alone together, and if you must ask him to not spend as much time with her as well.

I used to believe in the "it's ok as long as trust exists" until I found that being alone with a girl, even though she had a boyfriend, gave us feelings for eachother, and before I knew it she was cheating on him. Especially if he's trusting her with his problems and how things are going, that is a relationship in itself, and how much further is it for a guy and a girl to turn that into having feelings for eachother. It doesn't take much for it to turn into a cheating situation, even if he doesn't realize it, take my word for it, been there, done that, got the ugly shirt.