What do you think you'd do?

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

I was just wondering, if you were in my shoes, what do you think you would choose to do?

My boyfriend lives 2 and a 1/2 hours from me. He is driving down this weekend to help at his mom's house. She is soon going to sell her house and move. He is wanting me to come over on Saturday to help with the cleaning, packing, and organizing, and he also mentioned that when people help her out, it means a ton to his mom. He said it could be bonding time for us (me and her). True and sweet in its own way yes, but...

On the other hand, my 13-year-old brother has a football game Saturday. This past Sat. was the first game I was able to attend one, and he told me how much it meant that I was there. NEXT Sat. (the 13th) I will be going to some friends' house with my boyfriend, and missing the game that evening. So, I was thinking I would go to his game this coming weekend. I believe he has about 5, maybe 6, games left. I wanna be there for my baby brother as much as I can, lol.

So, I'm simply asking, what do you think you would do? Either way I'll be letting somebody down. But I gotta make a decision!

 

[Beechwell]

Seems you will have more opportunities to watch your brother's games than to help out your possible mother-in-law-to-be. Also it seems a more important job than to just watching a football game (admittedly I'm no sports fan )So I would go to your boyfriend's mom.
Of course you could first discuss with your boyfriend how much his mom achtually needs your help. If you would just be there as a show of good will without being actually needed (say because there are already 10 other people there helping), then I wouldn't feel obliged to help her move.

 

[Grace51]

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[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

To answer Grace51:

We have been dating for nearly ten months, and have talked about getting married on occasion. In fact, he talks of it more frequently and easily than I do. So, I guess it means a lot to him for me to spend time with his mom!

 

[Luther073082]

I think given your situation I might help his mom out and make solid plans to go to another game. Maybe boyfriend can come with you to this game?

Just checking would it be possible to help his mom out part of the time then leave early to go to the game. Just tell her and be honest that your brother's playing a FB game and you don't want to miss it.

But if you have to only choose one, I would help his mom, and make solid plans to go to the next game your brother is playing in. And if possible bring boyfriend with you to said game.

 

[iambren]

Game is 3 hours.

Saturday is 24 hours.

Work it out to back your bro.

 

[Grace51]

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[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

I think given your situation I might help his mom out and make solid plans to go to another game. Maybe boyfriend can come with you to this game?

Just checking would it be possible to help his mom out part of the time then leave early to go to the game. Just tell her and be honest that your brother's playing a FB game and you don't want to miss it.

But if you have to only choose one, I would help his mom, and make solid plans to go to the next game your brother is playing in. And if possible bring boyfriend with you to said game.

Your suggestion sounds excellent. Really, it does...BUT it won't work. This is because, as of last night, my boyfriend is planning to drive down Saturday. Now he won't get up early and travel the 2 hours in the morning to arrive at her house with plenty of time to help. (Don't worry, he himself will admit to this. I hope I don't sound harsh; it's just frustrating to me.) He will sleep until at LEAST 9, if not 10 or 10:30, then get up and hang around the house for a bit, pack his clothes in the morning instead of the night before, and leave around 12 or 1. Ballgame begins at 5:30, and on top of that, his mom lives 45 minutes away from me.

I told him perhaps he should think about leaving Friday after he gets off work, that things may work out better in the grand scheme. He said neither yay or nay to that; actually, now that I think about it, he said that in that case, his mom would be wanting his help that night then also. To which I asked (texting), "Well I think it would be really nice if we could just meet for dinner or something. Don't we deserve some 'just us' time together?"

Crickets..........no reply

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

Game is 3 hours.

Saturday is 24 hours.

Work it out to back your bro.

Thanks, that's how I feel. If only my sweetheart would take advantage of the 24 hours instead of sleeping some of them away! At least it's just Tuesday, we have some time to work this out. Hopefully to where everyone is happy!

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I've always been for spending more time with my fiance rather then make other plans.

 

[Luther073082]

Your suggestion sounds excellent. Really, it does...BUT it won't work. This is because, as of last night, my boyfriend is planning to drive down Saturday. Now he won't get up early and travel the 2 hours in the morning to arrive at her house with plenty of time to help. (Don't worry, he himself will admit to this. I hope I don't sound harsh; it's just frustrating to me.) He will sleep until at LEAST 9, if not 10 or 10:30, then get up and hang around the house for a bit, pack his clothes in the morning instead of the night before, and leave around 12 or 1. Ballgame begins at 5:30, and on top of that, his mom lives 45 minutes away from me.

I told him perhaps he should think about leaving Friday after he gets off work, that things may work out better in the grand scheme. He said neither yay or nay to that; actually, now that I think about it, he said that in that case, his mom would be wanting his help that night then also. To which I asked (texting), "Well I think it would be really nice if we could just meet for dinner or something. Don't we deserve some 'just us' time together?"

Crickets..........no reply

Not sure how I feel about that . . . I always was raised that if you've got work to do, you get up early and do it.

I'll probably just go with, that annoys me greatly.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

Not sure how I feel about that . . . I always was raised that if you've got work to do, you get up early and do it.

I'll probably just go with, that annoys me greatly.

I was raised the same way, so I get what you're saying. He loves sleeping in on Saturdays more than many people I know.

This whole issue has grown. I'm not mad at him, but frustrated. After talking with my mom last night, too, I decided I would definitely go to my brother's game Saturday. I told my boyfriend, and told him it's up to him to organize his time/travels this weekend in a way he can spend time with me if he wants. Currently, he's thinking about it...

 

[K9_Trainer]

I know it's a bit late for this, but if I were in your shoes, I probably would have made plans for sure with brother. Told him yes, I would be at his game. Then got back to boyfriend and told him that I would LOVE to help pack, but you promised brother to be at his game, so you'd have to leave at X time to get there. Otherwise the rest of your day is free.

That avoids any nagging him or arguing about when he chooses to wake up and sleep and essentially lets him make the decision about how important it is that he see you and you spend time with his mom. It would have put him in a position to make a decision before this turned into an issue.

To be quite frank, I'm a night owl like your bf. As much as my parents tried to raise me to see things as you and Luther do, it didn't work. I see no reason I should wake up early to get things done that I can just as easily do in the afternoon, evening or night. Studies actually even show that some people are "early birds" and some are "night owls" and their brains are most active and alert at different times of the day. So try to keep that in mind. If his brain is active at night/evening like mine, it is hard to get up early and be able to focus. If you have trouble focusing in the evening because to you, it's bed time, that's about how people like me feel in the AM.

That being said, it doesn't mean he can't get up and be productive to make Saturday work out for you. But that's just a decision he's going to have to make.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

Yes, K9, I likely should have done that.

He chose to drive down late tomorrow morning, and he is not making the most of his day to include me. He *might* have a few free hours Sunday afternoon. However, if he does, he seems to be expecting me to drive to his mom's house to see him.

I am very, very thoughtful right about now. It isn't a good feeling to know that someone is not even trying a little bit to make some time for you, and tried to turn some of the blame on you. But believe me, I called him on that. I was very kind, but did my best to make my points to where he heard me out. Still, we are surely not on the same page...