What do you think about this?

[MusicMelOU]

I originally posted this to another forum regarding some comments a few people in that forum made, but I decided that I would post it in here as well because it fits the topic of this forum.

I have noticed that many of you think that the way God brings people together is that you should be "friends first, and then attraction will come later." So it brought me to ask a question. What if you find another person attractive at the beginning of a friendship? Do you think that a potential relationship cannot be something God wants if you find another person attractive immediately?

Yeah, I hear all these stories that people cling to/rag about regarding these people who have known each other forever and then boom one day they are attracted to one another and all is well. But I never hear many stories about people who found each other attractive from the very beginning, also came to be good friends, and all went well. The way it's presented at times I've seen, seems to say "well, if you find someone attractive when you first meet them you can write this person off the for potentially dating/courting because that's not that way that it is supposed to work."

My opinion of this: I think that it doesn't matter as to when attraction comes with another person, as long as the persons involved are godly in the manner in which they go about it. I am curious as to what other's think.

 

[Pebbles]

I thinks it's good to start off as friends first, but if theres already an attraction, then of course theres a chance! God designed us all to have feelings and choices, so why wouldn't we be attracted to our future spouses?

I was immedietly attracted to my boyfriend, and it just takes a bit longer to get to know each other without the foundation of friendship first.

You also just know if that person is "the one", God will confirm it, put things into place etc.
Just my opinion though, before everyone starts debating.............lol

 

[JillLars]

But I never hear many stories about people who found each other attractive from the very beginning, also came to be good friends, and all went well.

I found my fiance very attractive from the first moment I saw him (and not knowing it at the time, but he was attracted to me as well.) Things went a little backwards though, my friend ended up snagging him first, and while they were dating, we became best friends. While it was difficult to have a friend dating a guy I had a crush on, I know now that God gave us that preperation time so we would develop the strong foundation we now share as a couple.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I had the hotts for her before we were close friends. AFTER attraction I became better friends with her and we dated later.

Attraction is important. But I find that women often become attracted after they KNOW a man, instead of when they first meet them. Everyone is geared differently. Either way, attraction is important.

 

[Living4Him03]

I think everyone has a different story. Some are good friends, then it slowly develops into more than friends. For others, they are instantly attracted, but develop a good friendship and relationship at the same time. That's how it is with my b/f ...I was instantly attracted to him. There was just a chemistry that could not be denied..we play off each other's jokes well, had a lot in common, and really enjoyed talking to one another. We decided to build a friendship and relationship simultaneously and see where God leads us.

 

[katelyn]

My opinion of this: I think that it doesn't matter as to when attraction comes with another person, as long as the persons involved are godly in the manner in which they go about it. I am curious as to what other's think.

I agree!

 

[DaveKerwin]

I agree!

I agree so long as there IS attraction there (physical and every other way).

 

[Katty]

I believe its possible to be physically attracted to someone and to become good friends with them. If things ever go beyond the realm of "friendship", it doesn't mean that God didn't have a hand in placing that person on your path. I believe that we're free to choose who we "fall in love" with, but God also places those people whom we can "choose from" on our path. I've met someone who I find physically attractive (one in particular ) and on top of that he possesses an incredible personality that makes him even more attractive. We're still built upon friendship. I don't think its so much of being attractive and whatever, its about the motives one has when they enter a friendship. When you become friends with someone, it starts out with "attraction" anyway, not physical attraction, but another form of attraction nonetheless. I guess I don't really see where you came up with the conclusion that you can't be friends with someone who's physically attractive unless the only motive you have when being friends with someone you're "physically attracted" to is to start a relationship somewhere down the road, thats something that needs to be evaluated.

~Katty~

 

[MusicMelOU]

I guess I don't really see where you came up with the conclusion that you can't be friends with someone who's physically attractive unless the only motive you have when being friends with someone you're "physically attracted" to is to start a relationship somewhere down the road, thats something that needs to be evaluated.

~Katty~

If you're referring to me (the person who started this thread), I don't have that conclusion, but it seems that some people out there try to make it sound that way.

I'm glad to hear what other have to think about this.

 

[Mustaphile]

I think the important thing to remember is that physical attraction clouds our perception of the spiritual. If you are overwhelmed by physical attraction it skews your judgement of the other person and influences your motives for being around them. The only real cure is to take physical attraction out of the equation. This entails constantly being aware of what your true motivations are and having a good perception of who you are as a person. If your already somone who pays little regard to outward appearance then you don't have much to look out for, but if you are the type of person who is very much aware of external appearance then you need to move with great caution. Overall you need to assess where you are in Christ. If you goal is to serve Christ then you have direction and purpose. Knowing your direction and purpose allows you to know whether you even need to be thinking about relationships at all. We can all fall in love, but is falling in love appropriate at the time? By learning to control that now, we can better control ourselves when we are in a commited relationship later. If you fall in love with someone at the drop of a hat now, then nothing much is going to change once you are married and it's dangerous to kid yourself that it will be otherwise.

So is physical attraction bad at the start? I would have to say yes. That might not sit well with people in this modern age of outward beauty being everything, but I think that is what is fundamentally wrong with the way people approach relationships in the first place. We've have been conditioned to react like pavlov's dog to certain stimulae and it's imperative that we teach ourselves to think otherwise.

The fives senses are compelling and self evident, as my sig quote goes, but they do nothing for faith. They blind you to the spiritual, and the spiritual is where perfect love is found. How someone is perceived by the five senses is the ast thing that should be of interest to the spiritual person. It is how much in tune with the spirit they are, that is most important. If you are incompatible in that regard then you are in for a rough ride. You can't expect them to just 'get spiritual' later, as that is placing expectations on the relationship that may be unfounded expectations. Spirit first, physical later, thats the easy answer.