There seem to be a lot of different opinions on what flirting actually is. Discuss.
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What do you consider "flirting"?
- Thread starter Mrs. Luther073082
- Start date
Sort of depends on who the person is to me. I can be a way with female friends (like ones that are married, I'm friends with their husband, and feel perfectly comfortable doing these things in front of their husbands because they all know me)- like hugging, kiss on cheek, asking how they are etc - because everyone knows it's just friends and nothing will ever come of it.
With strangers it's a little different.
If we lock eyes, and she touches me - a casual sweep of the hand across the chest, even picking the lint off my clothing or a complete stranger offering a hug - it's flirting.
Me or her asking questions that are more than a stranger would normally be interested in or privy to - like what she's doing after work, her interests etc- could all be considered semi-flirting or just showing interest
Certain body language/physical mannerisms - coy smiles, exposing wrists to me purposely (sign of female submission), leaning forward into my space and looking at me followed by downcast eyes = flirting
Compliments on things that are personal to me - either physically or a non-physical characteristic that I have.
Any sexual inuendos.
Alot of it is body language and tone of voice:
Seriously, in a weak moment(no, have not done this before or since with strangers) when I happened to be really bold and umm - er randy (lol) at the same time I asked a complete female stranger at the store I work at:
"Is there anything else I can do for you?"
She knew exactly what I was thinking when I said that, cracked a smirk, hid it and over the next few days she was comming around with her kids to "test" me.
It sounds innocent - but tone of voice, facial expression and manner can all indicate the innocent question has some other undertone which can = flirting.
Some things are obvious flirting - some are flirting over covert language. It's hard to define hard and fast definitions for the latter.
With strangers it's a little different.
If we lock eyes, and she touches me - a casual sweep of the hand across the chest, even picking the lint off my clothing or a complete stranger offering a hug - it's flirting.
Me or her asking questions that are more than a stranger would normally be interested in or privy to - like what she's doing after work, her interests etc- could all be considered semi-flirting or just showing interest
Certain body language/physical mannerisms - coy smiles, exposing wrists to me purposely (sign of female submission), leaning forward into my space and looking at me followed by downcast eyes = flirting
Compliments on things that are personal to me - either physically or a non-physical characteristic that I have.
Any sexual inuendos.
Alot of it is body language and tone of voice:
Seriously, in a weak moment(no, have not done this before or since with strangers) when I happened to be really bold and umm - er randy (lol) at the same time I asked a complete female stranger at the store I work at:
"Is there anything else I can do for you?"
She knew exactly what I was thinking when I said that, cracked a smirk, hid it and over the next few days she was comming around with her kids to "test" me.
It sounds innocent - but tone of voice, facial expression and manner can all indicate the innocent question has some other undertone which can = flirting.
Some things are obvious flirting - some are flirting over covert language. It's hard to define hard and fast definitions for the latter.
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I think asking questions isn't necessarily flirting. I do that with males and females at work. I never thought of it as flirting (and I hope they don't think I am, lol). Hmm... I do ask more from females than males, though -- like with males I would just say, "how was your weekend?" vs. with females I might ask what they did that weekend. With males and females, though, I'll ask conversational things like questions about what they are studying in school and their plans for the future or something along those lines.
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Asking questions isn't neccessarily flirting. I do the same thing at work. It depends on the question, how it's asked, body language accompanying it, and what other questions that are asked before or after it.
But even then it depends on what's in your spirit. I mean, I can talk for ages with a particular female friend about a variety of topics including personal ones and never flirt with her -
...yet at the same time "Is there anything else I can do for you today?" said to a complete stranger in a certain way with a certain smile communicates alot more than simply being a good service employee.
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Do you work with people on a 1-1 basis or in a group setting? People are far more careful when there are others around to observe. Generally though, aside from certain things I think it's hard to define. I mean - a person can tell me that they are "fine" but I'll be handling them with kid gloves because I can see from the scowl on their face and their clipped words that they are far from "fine". It can be the same for flirtatiousness - it's what is communicated by that person's spirit that comes out in their manner/tone of voice rather than what words they choose.
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Flirting is intentionally hinting at sexual interest in a person, but without explicitly saying so. There's many different ways of doing so, and it depends on context and culture and individuals. It's like a game where someone tries to show interest and gauge the other's interest in them, without explicitly doing so. As such, there can be no outright rejection (since the other may simply not have noticed them, or may be prolonging the game). Also there is no outright request, which is useful since such a request would imply inferiority, and by first showing mutual interest via flirting both semi-simultaneously have expressed their interest and can start off at an equal relationship.
Also, (some forms of?) flirting can be used to gauge the intellect of the other. Part of the game is being able to recognize when another is flirting with you.
Also, (some forms of?) flirting can be used to gauge the intellect of the other. Part of the game is being able to recognize when another is flirting with you.
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Generally though, aside from certain things I think it's hard to define. I mean - a person can tell me that they are "fine" but I'll be handling them with kid gloves because I can see from the scowl on their face and their clipped words that they are far from "fine". It can be the same for flirtatiousness - it's what is communicated by that person's spirit that comes out in their manner/tone of voice rather than what words they choose.
I am in both situations every day.
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And I bet you wear a wedding ring, being married. Tends to nip flirtatious behaviour before it starts for alot of people.
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when I think of flirting i think of complimenting the other's looks or teasing them in a way that makes your attraction to them obvious, not necessarily in a sexual way. but obvious nonetheless.. Taking an active interest that person's life and interests on top of that could also be taken as flirting.
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And it can all be done without words. Was I flirting when I did this yesterday?
Gorgeous woman walks into my workplace. As soon as I saw her I was smiling at her - thinking about her figure, the way she carried her self - her beautiful hair and gorgeous brown eyes. I checked out to see if she was wearing a ring on her wedding finger(she was) and locked eyes with her with a smile thinking how beautiful whe was - she was pleased to get that attention and returned the smile with warmth in her eyes.
Yet nothing was said. Was I flirting? I think I was. Afterwards I thought about how dangerous that wordless contact was because of her marital status.
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yup it could certainly be taken as flirting, but really depends a lot on the situation and body language how its taken. One smile from a stranger doesn't necessarily mean a lot, and she may just take it as you being a friendly and happy stranger who just likes to smile. And since this happened in your workplace, its possible that may have confused the issue more. If she was a potential client/customer its expected that you would be friendly. and smiling is part of being friendly. So it really just depends I think.
Although I do know what you mean. A week or so ago I was at the grocery store and there was a guy about my age ahead of me in the line and he kept turning around, locking eyes with me, and smiling, but said nothing. Behaviour like that tends to be a little more obvious.
Although I do know what you mean. A week or so ago I was at the grocery store and there was a guy about my age ahead of me in the line and he kept turning around, locking eyes with me, and smiling, but said nothing. Behaviour like that tends to be a little more obvious.
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Ok. I asked the question but I know I was flirting. I'm curteous to all customers and frequently smile but she was having an effect on me and I wasn't making any effort to hide that but was in essense saying without words "oh my...you are absolutely gorgeous, I like everything about your physical features - physique, hair, eyes, the way you carry yourself, the gentle look in your eyes - you are having an effect on me and I'm not afraid to embrace it and let you know that..."
= Stravinsk in dangerous territory.
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On the other hand, flirting is also a very sincere compliment. It can be uplifting to be flirted with, but also can lead to pride, vanity, or temptation. And if their significant other knows about such flirting, it can either provoke suffocating jealousy or grateful appreciation for what he's got. So it can be either good or bad depending on context and reactions.
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IoI's (indicators of interest), physical touch, prolonged eye contact, excessive smiling, innuendo, excessive probing about personal life when you just met, body language / proximity signals, etc.
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You mean when you're *not* in a crowded area and someone moves into your personal space?
Yes, it's a form of flirting. Men(and women) will do it to see if you reclaim your personal territory or allow them to remain in it.
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I don't think you can define flirting by actions. One woman can "flirt" with her eyes without ever moving her body or speaking. Another can't, she has to speak or gesture to get her intentions across. So I think you have to define it by motive (both of them are trying to get someone's romantic and/or sexual attention). Therefore any actions designed to gain the romantic and/or sexual attention of a member of the O.S. is flirting. And this would include people who try to initiate "platonic" attention at the on-set, but their deep-down ultimate motive is possible romance/sex.
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