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What do men want?
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dayhiker
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What a good question? But I find this often very hard to put into words. But I've been working on expressing my feelings. Its taken most of my life for me to be able to bring to my consciousness what my desires are.
When I was in High School people would ask me what I wanted and I'd say I don't know and when asked what I wanted to do or eat I'd say it doesn't matter to me. I enjoyed what was put before. I still do enjoy what is put before me. I don't create a plan of what I want for the most part and plan the details of how to implement it. Tho I wasn't very communicative I found a lot of enjoyment in watching people.
Looking back at the desires that I couldn't express back then there was a desire for intimacy with other humans. Now I had friends back then but I didn't really know how have that intimacy. With the teen hormones raging sex tended to dominate how I interpreted that. So in my late twenties I got married and got the sex I desired but still was bad at intimacy. Also I was hiding a portion of who I was to my wife, partly because I still couldn't express it and partly because I was afraid to express it. Now the physical things of home, travel, having and raising kids and church activities appeared to be going pretty well.
As I moved thru my 30s and 40s I did start to develop the ability to communicate to people. There was a whole series of learnings that God took me thru to get there. I'm still in the process of learning these things. But the pattern in my marriage was set and I was fearful of changing things up and expressing what I was just starting to get words to express. By this time in my life I could hold up my side of a conversation and loved not just watching people but hearing the story of their life.
By my 50s I had developed a partern of communication of telling stories to numerous people one on one or small groups. this created friends and good relationships but didn't really create intimacy. But it was so much better than what I had before. I was still afraid to let my whole self out for people to see. I was afraid I'd be rejected. So by my mid 50s my marriage was ending and I know I had to start being authentic and had to learn to communicate who I was and have the hard conversations that reveal who I am inside.
What do I want ... I don't need a cook, I don't need homemaker, I don't need a traveling companion. I don't need someone to pay the bills. I want to be intimate. The best times of my life is when I meet a person and we get to spend an couple of hours sharing the story of our life with each other. Then to stay in contact and update each other about what is going on in our life. Time to get together once in a while to spend time face to face. I find this to be the intimacy I've been looking for all my life. If its a female and we have a sexual connection that is icing on the cake.
When I was in High School people would ask me what I wanted and I'd say I don't know and when asked what I wanted to do or eat I'd say it doesn't matter to me. I enjoyed what was put before. I still do enjoy what is put before me. I don't create a plan of what I want for the most part and plan the details of how to implement it. Tho I wasn't very communicative I found a lot of enjoyment in watching people.
Looking back at the desires that I couldn't express back then there was a desire for intimacy with other humans. Now I had friends back then but I didn't really know how have that intimacy. With the teen hormones raging sex tended to dominate how I interpreted that. So in my late twenties I got married and got the sex I desired but still was bad at intimacy. Also I was hiding a portion of who I was to my wife, partly because I still couldn't express it and partly because I was afraid to express it. Now the physical things of home, travel, having and raising kids and church activities appeared to be going pretty well.
As I moved thru my 30s and 40s I did start to develop the ability to communicate to people. There was a whole series of learnings that God took me thru to get there. I'm still in the process of learning these things. But the pattern in my marriage was set and I was fearful of changing things up and expressing what I was just starting to get words to express. By this time in my life I could hold up my side of a conversation and loved not just watching people but hearing the story of their life.
By my 50s I had developed a partern of communication of telling stories to numerous people one on one or small groups. this created friends and good relationships but didn't really create intimacy. But it was so much better than what I had before. I was still afraid to let my whole self out for people to see. I was afraid I'd be rejected. So by my mid 50s my marriage was ending and I know I had to start being authentic and had to learn to communicate who I was and have the hard conversations that reveal who I am inside.
What do I want ... I don't need a cook, I don't need homemaker, I don't need a traveling companion. I don't need someone to pay the bills. I want to be intimate. The best times of my life is when I meet a person and we get to spend an couple of hours sharing the story of our life with each other. Then to stay in contact and update each other about what is going on in our life. Time to get together once in a while to spend time face to face. I find this to be the intimacy I've been looking for all my life. If its a female and we have a sexual connection that is icing on the cake.
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memoriesbymichelle
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well based on the comments on the other thread, I would say they want someone that is "attractive"
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TheyCallMeDavid
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This could be taken as a vague question , for you didn't specify in what situation. I assume you mean in a Woman whom they are interested to get to know better (?) Or, are referring to what kind of Fish theyd like to hook while out on the lake ? Or, what their preference is in Sports Cars !????
Further, I would think and hope , that what a Christian Single Man wants is somewhat different than what our Man of the World counterpart wants.
Also, it may differ somewhat based on the Mans age and socio-economic status too.
So, im going to tell what non-negotiables I have for a Christian Single Woman whos between the age of 48 - 60 for a deeper than normal Friendship leading to a committed Relationship :
1. A Christian Lady who really walks their talk when it comes to her Christian Faith ; an expressive, giving, loyal, servant-minded , mainstream Christian whos solid in her theology , direction in life, purpose and meaning, and has lots of evidence of the Born Again experience from being saved.
2. Someone who I find intellectually stimulating , emotionally appealing , and physically attractive at least moderately so. Someone who takes care of herself internally and externally .
3. Someone I am spiritually compatible with in terms of prayer life, ministries, and praise and worship ideally.
4. Someone who is not habitually late for our meetings , and when she knows she will be, that she lets me know beforehand.
5. Someone who values God above everyone else and anything else ; someone who is totally sold out to glorifying him in all aspects of her life.
6. She cannot : Be given over to whining , must be a non - smoker, doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink alchohol to excess , isn't a Feminist , isn't excessively Head Strong , and doesn't habitually complain .
7. Someone who dresses appropriately, doesn't show her breasts , doesn't wear skin tight clothing, isn't given over to what our culture dictates .
8. Someone who is sexually controlled and wont lure me into this area whether verbally, thru attire, or actions .
9. Someone who came from a fairly good Family and had a good childhood .
10. Someone who has nice friends and is willing to make new Friends ; someone who likes my Friends and someone who shares in many of the same interests and recreation that I do.
11. Someone whom I believe God brought into my life .
Know anyone like THAT ?! ...lol...
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TheyCallMeDavid
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Not all of us Men want that . Some men and I suspect a good many....don't want to get remarried. But we do want a significant other in our life to experience companionship with.
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iambren
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Not bad Avila,don't let them get you down. There's more wisdom than you know in just throwing it out there--intelligent nymphomaniac. What kills me is when women get such righteous indignation at that fairly truthful answer. We men really,really aren't that hard to figure out.
Ok,got that off my chest.
What do I want in a woman:
Body-curvy,not fat,medium breasts and bum,no major blemishes,soft/healthy skin,hair any length with a sheen. Clean.
Mind-educated,can defend her opinion,organized,happy and creative.
Soul-God is #1 to her,virtuous in giving to others,nonstagnant faith,expressive in her love for God and others.
Is that too much to ask? If so,where should I compromise?
Ok,got that off my chest.
What do I want in a woman:
Body-curvy,not fat,medium breasts and bum,no major blemishes,soft/healthy skin,hair any length with a sheen. Clean.
Mind-educated,can defend her opinion,organized,happy and creative.
Soul-God is #1 to her,virtuous in giving to others,nonstagnant faith,expressive in her love for God and others.
Is that too much to ask? If so,where should I compromise?
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dayhiker
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There's a new concept I learned this year. OPEN .. to be open is to accept people, to be curious about them, to be open is to be full of life to not be afraid to love. To be open is not to accept someone's pain in a destructive way but if they are willing to be healed to love them and watch them find healing and wholeness. When we are open people are drawn to us. I've been very open this year and the result is I've got to share my faith in and love for Jesus more than in many years.
No matter how pretty a woman is, if she is closed I'm not attracted to her. If she is open, I want tot be close to her. I meet a lady who lives close to me, she is a pretty red head with a nice body. But she is very closed, I've not seen her open one bit any time I've been around her. Besides the cruise ship we have been to the same dances a number of times. Not once did I see her open a little bit.
Now I didn't use Christian terms, but we have seen this same thing happen hundreds of time when we have seen hurting people accept Christ as their Savior. Its the same grace and love that opens people to love.
No matter how pretty a woman is, if she is closed I'm not attracted to her. If she is open, I want tot be close to her. I meet a lady who lives close to me, she is a pretty red head with a nice body. But she is very closed, I've not seen her open one bit any time I've been around her. Besides the cruise ship we have been to the same dances a number of times. Not once did I see her open a little bit.
Now I didn't use Christian terms, but we have seen this same thing happen hundreds of time when we have seen hurting people accept Christ as their Savior. Its the same grace and love that opens people to love.
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TheyCallMeDavid
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Its not real intelligent to be a practicing nymphomaniac in this day and age of 33 STD's among 60,000,000 Adult Americans with 2 that will take your life prematurely and painfully . Now, if we are talking in the context of Marriage...then yes, bring it on.
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TheyCallMeDavid
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Im willing to bet there is a reason for her not being open, approachable, etc.. Could be she has had many trust-busting experiences in her life from Friends, Men, or ? . This tends to make a Person withdrawn, isolated, afraid of reaching out , afraid of initiating contact , etc.... agree ? Have you considered asking her out for a cup of coffee and telling her youd like to get to know her a little better ? I think that may do wonders for her self esteem as a Woman .
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TheyCallMeDavid
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While physical attraction is somewhat important to a Man especially ....I wouldn't get too carried away with the physical specifics as your criteria and rather.... be content with a Woman who looks generally nice to you / takes care of herself reasonably / and is confident in her appearance. I think you can afford to compromise on her cup size , # of skin blemishes , and glossiness of her hair ; if you get that then its a bonus , but is it REALLY mandatory criteria ?? I would think not . However, you are granted the freedom to choose what you deem is mandatory when it comes to spending a lot of time and energy on a prospective deeper friendship with the opposite sex.
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TheyCallMeDavid
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lol.. uh.. I was going for the nosey angle. I'm really to lazy to be a peeping tom, all that waiting for action
Almost as bad as sitting up in a tree shivering for hours and waiting for a Deer to come trotting along , huh ?!
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