What do I say??

[Yitzchak]

What do I say to my child when he calls and begs me to let him live with me? He lives with my ex and her boyfriend and the courts gave her custody over my wishes. So it is beyond my control.

I need some prayer too. Hearing my son's dissappointment. He used to think his Daddy could rescue him from anything. Hearing my son break down into tears on the phone when I told him I couldn't. My heart is broken all over again......

 

[madison1101]

What a heartbreak that must be for you. How old is your child? Is it possible that there might be a change in the custody arrangements?

I was fortunate to have my ex wait till my youngest was a senior in high school before he left. I was spared that pain.

Tell your child you love him very much, and you want to make your next visit very special. Let him plan something special for your next time together. Make a special meal. Go to a park, or go camping, whatever is appropriate depending on the age of your child.

God bless.
madison

 

[Rhoni10]

Is there any chance of your ex giving you custody? Or do you live close enough to where you could share custody? Half the time at her house and half at yours?

 

[Yitzchak]

To answer the questions asked in the last two posts. My son is 14. My ex is extremely bitter and has vowed to have me have zero part of the kids lives. So it is only what the courts force upon her. Even then she does her best to sabatoge things.

As for getting a different arrangement. I have read that the courts to favor the mother (all other things being equal) in 95% of the cases. that has certainly been the case in my situation. The judge admited it straight out that he favors the mother when all other factors are equal. So she gets custody and the best that I can hope for is twice a month or once a week if I'm really lucky. I asked for 50/50 custody when we split up and was turned down flat by the judge.

Anyway, money is tight and there are more complications to my situation. Unless God does a miracle, I am going to have to be content with the current situation.

 

[EmSchmem]

yitzchak
I am sorry for your pain. I don't have much to add that others haven't already said. In Ohio you can go back to court and repetition. If my nephew asks to live with my brother this year (as we expect he will) Tim will go repetition. If that is not possible for you I truly am sorry. I am for your son thankful though that you love him as much as you obviously do. It will do so much for hus future manhood.
Emily

 

[Rhoni10]

I'm not sure every state is the same and I know you live in Canada but I think after your son reaches a certain age he can chose which parent he wants to live with. That might be worth considering and would give him something to look forward to.

 

[Yitzchak]

I'm not sure every state is the same and I know you live in Canada but I think after your son reaches a certain age he can chose which parent he wants to live with. That might be worth considering and would give him something to look forward to.

I hope that God will open that door in the future. My son lives in the states with his mother and her boyfriend. Just pray for what is best for the children, please.......

 

[Rhoni10]

I will!

 

[Svt4Him]

What do I say to my child when he calls and begs me to let him live with me? He lives with my ex and her boyfriend and the courts gave her custody over my wishes. So it is beyond my control.

I need some prayer too. Hearing my son's dissappointment. He used to think his Daddy could rescue him from anything. Hearing my son break down into tears on the phone when I told him I couldn't. My heart is broken all over again......

I am sorry, I think that's one of the saddest things in the world.

 

[serafaith]

Yitzchak- You are in my prayers as well..I'm sorry for your situation. If I might offer advice, however, (which you're probably already doing...), but please don't ever talk down about your ex to your son when he's with you. It's really, really important to take the moral "higher ground" when it comes to your ex....your son will some day make his own decisions regarding her behaviour. If you talk her down, though, he'll remember THAT, and it will hurt your image in his eyes. No matter how many times I didn't get support from my ex or how often he disappointed my two children when they were young, I always told them that he loved them always, and that he was just going through a time where he wasn't thinking clearly. Consequently, both of my grown children have a good relationship with their dad to this day. They know his flaws, but they also know that I never tore him down, and that's equally important. I know it's hard...but really worth it! Blessings.....

 

[Avaya]

Anyway, money is tight and there are more complications to my situation. Unless God does a miracle, I am going to have to be content with the current situation.

Tell that to your son. Tell him though that you will committ to praying hard about the situation and that he should too. If God wants you two to be together, He will make a way. In the meantime, do all you can to reassure your son that you love him and think of him often. Take advantage of EVERY visitation allowed.

 

[Yitzchak]

Yitzchak- You are in my prayers as well..I'm sorry for your situation. If I might offer advice, however, (which you're probably already doing...), but please don't ever talk down about your ex to your son when he's with you. It's really, really important to take the moral "higher ground" when it comes to your ex....your son will some day make his own decisions regarding her behaviour. If you talk her down, though, he'll remember THAT, and it will hurt your image in his eyes. No matter how many times I didn't get support from my ex or how often he disappointed my two children when they were young, I always told them that he loved them always, and that he was just going through a time where he wasn't thinking clearly. Consequently, both of my grown children have a good relationship with their dad to this day. They know his flaws, but they also know that I never tore him down, and that's equally important. I know it's hard...but really worth it! Blessings.....

I made the mistake of speaking bad about my ex to my children when we first seperated. But I decided that it wasn't in the best interests of the children to continue doing that unless there was literal physical danger involved which there is not. She may not be a good mother, but she is not a dangerous one , in my opinion.

Thanks for the advise...I do agree that it doesn't serve the interests of the children to bad mouth their mother. A good reminder.