What do I say to ...

[CapedCrusader]

... a girl who is bitter towards God? Bitter because she was sexually abused almost every day for several years as an innocent young girl, and every day cried out to God to make it stop, but found no relief? How do I explain that God really does love her? Has anyone personally seen someone like this overcome this kind of bitterness towards God? The girl amazingly is a Christian and has tried to follow God and live for Him, but finds it extremely difficult because of the past and the thousands of cries that went unheard. Sometimes she feels that God doesn't care about her or even hates her.

Thanks for your help

 

[Jenster]

Wow, I don't know what I'd say to her! I mean, I know theology, which says that indeed God HAS been with her throughout everything, and He was the one who kept her from being *completely* crushed by this awful experience.

And yet, I don't know that I would say that to her, because it sounds shallow coming from someone who has not endured what she has endured.

I wonder: Are there any Christian support groups for survivors of sexual abuse? I think she would most benefit from being with people who completely understand her situation and have wrestled with the same issues themselves. Perhaps you could pray about this and ask God to direct her to such a group (or direct you to help her find such a group).

 

[Elijah2]

Yes, I know of many who have shared their testimony of childhood sexual abuse, and yes they do heal.

It's a long rong to recovery, and forgiveness and love is the truth that sets the captives free.

Who sexually abused your friend?

There are many God-anointed Christian counsellors in the healing and deliverance ministry who can help your friend to work through her trauma.

There are many aspects of this sort of trauma, which is physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Our Lord Jesus Christ does care for your friend, the enemy is the one who is manipulating her mind through his forces. These things of sexual trauma are deep and a long process to recovery.

 

[silentpoet]

... a girl who is bitter towards God? Bitter because she was sexually abused almost every day for several years as an innocent young girl, and every day cried out to God to make it stop, but found no relief? How do I explain that God really does love her? Has anyone personally seen someone like this overcome this kind of bitterness towards God? The girl amazingly is a Christian and has tried to follow God and live for Him, but finds it extremely difficult because of the past and the thousands of cries that went unheard. Sometimes she feels that God doesn't care about her or even hates her.

Thanks for your help

You don't say anything, you just listen. No canned answer is going to help matters. No well thought out response will answer her need. But an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on just might. Be willing to admit you don't have the answers. If pressed say that you wish you had the answers. That would be the greatest kindness you could give her.

I am in a similar situation with regards to my feelings towards God. Though I was only abuse once(as best I remember it), it is other stuff that God has not answered that has grown my bitterness.

 

[silentpoet]

A few more thoughts I had while at work today.

Some things in life there is no explanation for. God said as much at the end of Job. He did not explain Himself to Job. Job is not much comfort and very troubling, but it does tell us there may be no answers. Awful stuff just happens in life and we have to do with it what we choose. Some say you have to attach meaning to certain experiences. But it can drive you crazy trying to understand why certain things happened. So there may be no understanding why.

 

[gloryseven]

Caped Crusader,

Pray for the young woman and pray that God would heal her and draw her closer to him. Pray the Holy Spirit would lead comfort and guide her. Pray that satan must take his hands off of her. Pray for her bitterness to be healed and for her love for God and His goodness will grow. Help her to know, everything here on the earth will be forgotten,once we enter Eternal Paradise. Help her to remember there are many many others who have suffered, various fiery trials, and that many children are still suffering all over the world. Help her understand it isnt a personal hatred God has for her, it is an evil devil seeking to kill, steal and destroy. If she reads the Word she will find out Gods true nature and His desire to love and bless and save us from all evil and create More blessings and power within our lives.
I was 4/5 and was abused and I know the lifelong pain involved. But pain doesnt have to mean continual bitterness. Sometimes it takes a couple years with a caring , understanding , attentive counselor to help put the pain and memories away. I was 30 before I sought counseling (mainly financial reasons) and I am very very happy I sought the help because I needed that time to care for my wounds and pain. It took two years. God used a caring counselor to bring the help and relief I needed. Let her know my story. God loves us and is all good and in him is no darkness. I am 47 now, believe me, life has been very affected by this abuse, but I have 4 children, I am raising 3 of them now. The children I have now, have given me so much joy, that I see God for who he truly is. My ex-husband left in 2000, but I continue to see Gods goodness and plan for my life, through my loving, sweet and intelligent children. I attend mass with them regularly and am bringing them up in the way that they should go.
Please copy this and give it to your friend. Also, she can PM me here at Christianforums. gloryseven
God bless you and may you help her to see God wants blessings in her life and that she needs to continue seeking the Lord despite pain and fear. God will not fail her. Amen.

 

[Aibrean]

At least you can tell her that the person will receive their just desserts. She has the ability to overcome the trauma. God always answers, just sometimes not in the way we understand. Now she has people that can support her and make her feel truly loved and show her God's love.

 

[Johnnz]

There is no single or simple answer to her question. There is so much pain behind it. It will only be as she works through the abuse that she will be able to look afresh at what happened and where God was in it all. And that is a very personal journey

John
NZ

 

[AngelDove1]

I met a girl in one of my classes,had the same thing happen to her.
She is christian also.
She now is a speaker and a leader on sex abuse programs.
She is now helping others that are going through what she had gone through.

Her staff take calls from all over,they are up
24/7 ministering to the hurting.
This friend was willing to fight back by share her testimony to help others.
She is serviving it. With God all things are possible.

He uses our trials to help others. Just like Paul in the bible did.

 

[abbasdaughter]

I'm one of the one's who has experienced God's healing. I used to believe that God created me to be unloved. I thought I was innately unloveable - that God had made me for that purpose. I actually believed that and what it did was allow me to place the blame on me and on God. I couldn't blame my abuser or anyone else - "of course they would treat me that way - they couldn't help it - I was made to be abused."

It's quite a journey from that place to this one where I know that God loves me and has always loved me and that He has a unique purpose for me. (and it's NOT to be His cosmic trashheap!) There was a time when I spent hours screaming at God with all the "why" questions. He has never answered them. But I can say this - no answer He would have given me would have been enough. I wanted my life back and the abuse gone and the offenders prosecuted.

As I look back, it was the tender process of God showing me one truth at a time, setting me free from all of that. It begins with honesty with God - you might as well pour all the hurt and anger out on Him - He knows it anyway. He's a big God - He can take it. I spent alot of time in His word so that I could learn what was true and start tearing down a lifetime of lies. The biggest lie being that I wasn't loved. God has proven His love at the cross for me - and the abuse He endured was far greater than my own. Where was He when all that was happening to me? I answered it with "on the cross dying for it".

Forgiveness is the balm for bitterness. And God will empower us to forgive even the worst offenses. The choice to forgive doesn't let the abuser off the hook. I used to think that. It let's me off of it. God will either grant mercy or hang the "millstones" where they belong, but that's HIS decision. Mine is to forgive and grow in the grace and love of Christ. Once that decision is made, healing will begin (and joy will start to come).

Sounds trite when you put it on paper, but it IS a journey. It takes time and a lot of grace, but it is a work of God that requires our cooperation.

I'm 45 and whole, but only by the grace of God. Maybe you could share this with your friend: I know God, and though I don't understand the whys, I do understand the WHO. He alone is your hope.

I don't understand why God didn't answer my cries way back then - maybe He did. I only know what He saved me out of - there's no telling what He saved me from. Can't begin to fathom the havoc the enemy might have brought about in my life if God had set NO limit.

I know this. He can use even the most horrendous stuff for His glory if only by proving that one of us can come out whole and with hope. I heard God's voice say to me once, "Wouldn't you like to make the enemy sorry that He ever took you captive in the first place?" I'm still answering "Yes, Lord!" And I'm sure I've frustrated the enemy on a number of occasions! Maybe the silver lining is that God's glory is obvious in those of us who know what we used to be and what used to happen.

I do go on... sorry about that. Off the soapbox.
Grace... grace... grace child. Give your friend my love.
I'm praying for her.

abbasdaughter

 

[LilLamb219]

God allows bad things to happen to us...it helps to mold us...it gives us experience and wisdom for the future. He might have plans for her that she couldn't imagine...and it could somehow relate to her wisdom she gained through her experience, whether it's learning to forgive, or to counsel others who have been through it as well. I don't know what He has in mind for her.

I echo the others' who suggest counseling for her to help her still get through some of the grief from her abuse.

 

[silentpoet]

If she reads the Word she will find out Gods true nature and His desire to love and bless and save us from all evil and create More blessings and power within our lives.

I have read the bible from cover to cover. I believe to it to be God's word. But based on my experience I don't trust His word. The problem is with the contrast between words on paper and pain in my life. When I compare the ink on the page to my pain, I don't see the words as real as the pain. So I don't know if those words are as helpful for some as for others. Maybe it is because my suffering is still going on and I have to live daily with God not answering prayers. But I think we have to be very careful with what recommendations we make.

Honest use of scripture as lead by the holy spirit I think can be a help. But just trite spouting off of random verses like some people do when attempting to comfort is worse than not quoting scripture at all. I think has to do with the smugness that some people have when they "comfort". They just have all the answers.

I am not attacking you or all of your post, I just wanted to expand on this topic and add some cautions. Abuse is one of my hot button issues that I care deeply about. It totally changed me. And it has also effected those I love very dearly. And it does present a large challenge to the concept of a loving God. It is hard to get your head or heart around that concept when such damage has occurred.

For me professional help wasn't very much help. I have had more progress from exercise or reading various books. But our own efforts can only take us so far. When I was ok, it was just deliverance. But here I am again. I sure don't understand why God does what He does. It does seem rather cruel sometimes.

 

[aldar]

i would say without a doubt that there is probly nothiing at all you can to say to her. Thank fully i was raised in a good home and have never experienced that kind of treatment, but i have had experiences of what seemed like reality crashing in on me that made idol words mean nothing at all to me.
Her cries seem to go unheard, what people say or what the book says most likely means nothing to her becuase what actually happened was she was abused over and over inspite of it.
It isnt about words anymore.
The tradgedy in her life was what was actually happening, not words that were spoken and words cannot remedy it.
If she is to begin to believe something her entire life proved to her was wrong, she'll need to experience it herself. I'd say prayer that God would move in her life is your only avenue of help for her.
And be her friend, not just her counseler.
She needs a friend, not someone who only has a secret ambition to subvert or convert her.
Eventually she may see something in your friendship and love and open up to you and your beliefs.
But she didnt get where she is in a quickly and she wont get out of it quickly, don't expect for anything to change her soon. Sometimes it takes a long time for feelings to change and wounds to heal. Be her friend and commit to the long haul and you just might one day see a change for her good.
And let her good genuinely be your motivation, not the promotion of what you believe.

 

[aldar]

God allows bad things to happen to us...it helps to mold us...it gives us experience and wisdom for the future. He might have plans for her that she couldn't imagine...and it could somehow relate to her wisdom she gained through her experience, whether it's learning to forgive, or to counsel others who have been through it as well. I don't know what He has in mind for her.

I echo the others' who suggest counseling for her to help her still get through some of the grief from her abuse.

....
would you willingly give your child to this kind of abuse in order that one day they learn the ability to help or relate to others who were as unfortunate?
No you never would for very obvious reasons and God woudn't either.

 

[abbasdaughter]

....
would you willingly give your child to this kind of abuse in order that one day they learn the ability to help or relate to others who were as unfortunate?
No you never would for very obvious reasons and God woudn't either.

God did exactly this with His own Son. Should we consider that He might do the same with any of His blood bought children?

 

[aldar]

im not going to argue with you becuase i cant here but...you would do that to your child?
You think God loving your children even more than you do...would cause him to do it instead?

 

[abbasdaughter]

im not going to argue with you becuase i cant here but...you would do that to your child?
You think God loving your children even more than you do...would cause him to do it instead?

I was only the broaching the question. If you had read my previous post, you would know that I actually have a past like the person in question. I'm whole now - much of my resolve and healing has come through the truth that "all God's works are true and His ways just." Of course I would not want that for my children - I did not want it for me either - but I have to believe that the Sovereign God of All saw what was happening and was able to save me. If that is true - then He must have chosen not to. Why? I don't know, but this much I do know - if He didn't choose to intervene, then it's because He has something bigger to bring out of my horror. And I've seen Him do it. God is either sovereign or He isn't. I choose to serve the One who is. This, of course, is only my perspective. I recognize it is a hard truth to swallow. I know - I've swallowed it.
Peace to you friend...
abbasdaughter

 

[bliz]

....
would you willingly give your child to this kind of abuse in order that one day they learn the ability to help or relate to others who were as unfortunate?
No you never would for very obvious reasons and God woudn't either.

God did exactly this with His own Son.

Sorry, abbasdaughter, God did not send Jesus to suffer and die so that he might better relate to human suffering. You are trivializing the work of God.

The death of Jesus restored the relationship beteween God and man broken by our sins. Salvation! Restoration!
Fellowship with God! We are now full heirs to the Kingdom of God! This is a bigger deal than working and playing well with others.

 

[LilLamb219]

Aldar, have you read the book of Job? Horrible things happened to him and to his family...and he remained in faith to God. God does allow bad things to happen to us; He's not the cause of it though. And God uses the bad things to help us along in our daily lives. It's not His fault we live in a fallen world, but thanks to be Him, that He provided a Savior for all.

 

[sistakrista]

You don't say anything, you just listen. No canned answer is going to help matters. No well thought out response will answer her need. But an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on just might. Be willing to admit you don't have the answers. If pressed say that you wish you had the answers. That would be the greatest kindness you could give her.

This is sound advice. It is ONLY the Holy Spirit who can minister to her, possibly THROUGH you, but NOT through a "PLAN."Yield to the Spirit's leadings, be honest & listen.