My hands were shaking, I am a hairstylist. I cut my finger and continue with my professional service. My client was ill and really needed me. I felt otherwise fine, safe in this house, but my hands were shaking. When I was out of the house and on the bus my thoughts were running and on this thoughts were bad thoughts, like this of sinners, strange. That deep down there is something dark in me.
I felt bad, then I heard a voice in me which said "it is ok. to feel bad" and from then I calmed down a bit and when I looked at my hand the cut was healed the blood washed away, gone.
That was so amazing, so God was with me and saw me when I worked and helped me and healed me a bit.
I have paranoid shizophrenia but more or less sorted out the things with the voices, so other problems I have is my feelings. I don't know what it is, is it depression, fear or what? Under schizophrenia they write about voices, but never anything else and all voices are wrong shouldn't be there, that is soo annoying.
My other big problem is my emotions. I am currently for some days without medication, I would like to stop taking them, but with such experiences I am not sure if I am capable to do this. I have another client appointment coming up and can't have shaky hands. This appointment has to work, is a big thing.
I want to build community groups so sometimes in the past went to womencentres to take part and sitting in groups made me uncontrollable shake. I can't work with people, because I might have a reaction, that is terrible. I panic when someone says they want to come to me, like today.
I don't want to relay always on medicine because it is very expensive and has side effects. I did not get the last job, I have no money to pay for regular private counselling.
I felt bad, then I heard a voice in me which said "it is ok. to feel bad" and from then I calmed down a bit and when I looked at my hand the cut was healed the blood washed away, gone.
That was so amazing, so God was with me and saw me when I worked and helped me and healed me a bit.
I have paranoid shizophrenia but more or less sorted out the things with the voices, so other problems I have is my feelings. I don't know what it is, is it depression, fear or what? Under schizophrenia they write about voices, but never anything else and all voices are wrong shouldn't be there, that is soo annoying.
My other big problem is my emotions. I am currently for some days without medication, I would like to stop taking them, but with such experiences I am not sure if I am capable to do this. I have another client appointment coming up and can't have shaky hands. This appointment has to work, is a big thing.
I want to build community groups so sometimes in the past went to womencentres to take part and sitting in groups made me uncontrollable shake. I can't work with people, because I might have a reaction, that is terrible. I panic when someone says they want to come to me, like today.
I don't want to relay always on medicine because it is very expensive and has side effects. I did not get the last job, I have no money to pay for regular private counselling.
