What Do I Do

[kicker]

Help! I feel like I am rebelling against God or something. I feel so cold towards everything. I have lost my desire and passion and it feels like I don't care but yet I'm scared to feel like this. I feel empty and I have asked God to make me desire Him again but it hasn't helped yet. I am miserable like this. I feel so wicked inside. It seems like every time something spiritual happens or comes up I get thoughts against it and it bothers me. For example when somebody says grace before a meal I have anti-christian thoughts go through my head. Why do I do this and how can I stop it. I don't seem to have the blasphemous thoughts like some do but mine is more like leave me alone thoughts and they bother me. I want to be right with God and do not want to go to hell but I feel like there is something keeping me from desiring Him like I used to. Please help. Is this a form of ocd or am I just rebelling against God and rejecting Him. I'm worried

 

[Ryskee182]

no, its not you. its OCD. the best thing I learned to do is to allow the thoughts to be there but pay them no attention. its hard tho...i recommend you see a therapist, gets some meds, or read some books . I'll pray for you

 

[seajoy]

Very classic of ocd mixed with some depression, perhaps. Have you seen a psychiatrist and started exposure/response therapy? It would benefit you greatly to learn as much as possible about ocd.

Also....faith is not a feeling. Whether we feel cold or hot in our relationship with Christ, He holds on to us...not the other way around. These cold feelings towards life are normal while going through the trauma of ocd. It's our mind and body's way of handling things. It has nothing to do with where we are at with God. Peace will come....don't give up.

 

[gracealone]

Hi Kicker,
It could have been me writing your post approx. 2 years ago when I was in that same place where my OCD made me feel and fear the exact things that you have described.
When you have OCD all your other emotions are shoved out to the perimeter of your consciousness and OCD is in the drivers seat and the emotions that it produces are mainly, fear, doubt & guilt. Then when these emotions batter you long enough and hard enough depression also enters the picture.
Yes, this is OCD and though I and others can try to reassure you that it is that doesn't remove or minimize or fix the mental torture that you are in.
The only way to fix it, is to learn to manage it instead of having it manage you. Seajoy is right. The best move you can make against this disorder is to seek professional help and use the treatments that have been proven the most effective against it. Sometimes, not always, that means using meds. in order to be able to apply the techniques of exposure/response therapy. I had to get to the point where I decided that the pain of my OCD outweighed my fears and doubts about seeking this type of help. Also a huge help to me in making this decision was that my illness wasn't just affecting my life but also the lives of those who loved me and were deeply concerned for me.
Learn all you can about exposure/response therapy.
Experiencing the emotion of intense fear is not a sin. Neither is emotional validation to be depended on to confirm that we have faith. Choosing to obey and follow Christ even while experiencing those dreadful emotions - to walk on any way - to say, "though he slay me, yet will I trust him", to say "I can't get that feeling of certainty about my relationship with Him but 'I am for going on and venturing all for His name any way' ; that, my friend, is real faith in action. It's choosing to act in faith even without the comfort of emotional validation. Every one of us with religious OCD can do this. OCD can never rob us of this choice.
I know that right now you feel as if this pain will never end, but it can and it will. I felt that way too. But now, the numbness has lifted in the same way that storm clouds which hide the sun eventually disperse. Just remember that the sun is always behind the clouds doing it's job, just as God has not left you though the clouds of this illness are hiding Him from your sight right now.
This too shall pass.
I'm praying for you,
Mitzi

Help! I feel like I am rebelling against God or something. I feel so cold towards everything. I have lost my desire and passion and it feels like I don't care but yet I'm scared to feel like this. I feel empty and I have asked God to make me desire Him again but it hasn't helped yet. I am miserable like this. I feel so wicked inside. It seems like every time something spiritual happens or comes up I get thoughts against it and it bothers me. For example when somebody says grace before a meal I have anti-christian thoughts go through my head. Why do I do this and how can I stop it. I don't seem to have the blasphemous thoughts like some do but mine is more like leave me alone thoughts and they bother me. I want to be right with God and do not want to go to hell but I feel like there is something keeping me from desiring Him like I used to. Please help. Is this a form of ocd or am I just rebelling against God and rejecting Him. I'm worried

 

[SkyCloud]

Kicker, let me tell you something. In my experience, it seems like the mind can be a roller coaster. One day we're happy. One day, we're sad. One day we feel good. One day we feel bad. There's unwanted thoughts that happen in our imperfect mind in this imperfect world. Of course I pray to God for help and so forth. And I've learned to don't listen to the negative thoughts. I tell myself, "I know those thoughts weren't from me." They end up going away. Sometimes it's not so easy, but we have to battle. Always ask God for help in the name of Jesus.