What do i do?

[sparkypunkette]

Hello there- Ok. So heres the deal in the really condensed version. I have been dating my bf for over a year. He is in the process of moving closer to me ( we live 4.5 hours away). Okay- so my parents think he is nice and everything, and i do love him. But it seems like whenever he comes to visit my parents dont really think he is right for me. (sidenote-they really arent christians)-See- my dad is a mr. fix-all type, and likes to be busy and was raised that way. He used to be a mechanic and stuff so he knows about pretty much everything "manly". My boyfriend had a crazy family life, and i dont think was taught to help really with stuff. My dad gets angry when he says hes gonna mow the lawn or something like that and my bf doesnt offer to help. This kinda bugs me too, i mean, i dont want my bf to be just like my dad-but i think this is common courteousy, especially if you were a guy and want to get in good with the girls' dad. I just dont know how i should tell my bf how i feel. I have told him a little, by describing what my parents like and stuff and what i feel their love languages are, and he saw it, but he doesnt really get it. I dont like it when my parents tell me he is lazy and has no motive ya know- cause then it makes me think too much. I guess i just want some opinions from everyone. Cause it hurts when my parents dont really support me. any comments???

 

[Bks Finest]

well he may not know if he should ask to help your dad
just play it out and see what happens.
another thing you can do is drop hints
that he should help out
like i said play it out and see what happens

 

[desi]

Parents know you better than you know yourself, I learned this all too late. Respect what they say without basing your decisions wholly on it.

 

[JVD]

Even if your parents aren't really christians you should pay attention to their opinion. What you see in your BF now is only going to be magnified later.

You say he had a crazy familylife. That crazy family is going to be yours if you marry him. For the rest of your life... It's important to realize that you get the whole package with marriage and that includes your bf's family and his friends. They will be in your life and you will have to accept them.

Sounds to me like caution is the rule here...and maybe breaking it off before it's too late.

 

[sparkypunkette]

See here is the thing. I really get along with his family. Its just that he was basically raised by his g-ma even though his mom was around. His dad was only around for a little bit, and now he talks to him every once in a while. His mom and all her brothers and sisters really worry about him and i can tell love him. To me it would worry me if they didn't all get along, but they do. I do take into consideration my parents opinion, but they havent seen him and i in very much detail. Him moving here may be the best thing, I feel he will become more comfortable with everything, and he will have to do a lot of growing within himself and with God. I think my parents are mostly concerned because he is "moving here mostly for me" which is true, but we have been long distance for like a year, and thats hard to really tell anything if we are unable to interact on a regular basis. Plus my bf knows this does not for sure know that this means we will for sure make it all the way, that it is needed in order to know anything. Comments or whatever would be wonderful, and thanks for the replies!!!

 

[lilray]

Is your bf a christian? Is his faith as strong as yours? I understand you want your parents to like him, but first make sure he is right for you.. someone God would want you to be with. If you think he is and it sounds like you do, then I'm getting the idea he is not very comfortable at all around your dad. Have your bf over for dinner or something with your parents around. Honestly, if I was in your bf's place I'd probably be really intimidated by your dad and afraid to help. Maybe you could drop the hint to your bf.. tell him to offer to help next time and if he does, you will hang around too so he won't feel as uncomfortable just being alone with your dad.

Let us know how it's going! I pray that God blesses you and your bf!

 

[sparkypunkette]

OKay since i posted I talked to my bf about some stuff. Hisi replys were amazing. He was like " I understand everything you say, and I realize that it is super important to you and your family how i act. " I let him know that they understand what he means to me, but to them more than how he feels for me is important. He is moving out here in a little over a week, so im really praying that everyting will slowly get better and my parents will really see how he does appreciate them and isnt as lazy as he has made off to be. So right now i have a great feeling about how he responded and everything. HE knows the ball is in his court in the way my parents feel. So im happy as of right now! Thanks for prayers!!