What do I do with this?

[circa02]

I'm 34, and I have never even kissed a girl, and, without a mericle, I will almost certainly never marry. I've tried internet dating for years, I just don't think it's God's will for whatever reason. I don't believe in sex outside of marriage, so I guess by default I will never have sex, which is a problem, because I have a very high sex drive. I can accept that it's God's will for me to never marry, but I have such a strong sex drive, and I don't know what to do with it. I've obstained from touching yourself for over 60 days now, but I don't think it's a realistic goal to never do it again. And I get turned on all the time. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?

 

[Albion]

Unless you have three eyes or are simply impossible to live with (which your post doesn't make me think is the case), there is almost certainly a woman who would have you and whom you'd like to be with. If I were you, I'd work on that with real earnestness and not be deterred by the attempts that don't pan out along the way.

Absolutely don't confine yourself to internet contacts and do polish your dating skills, if that's part of the problem.

 

[circa02]

I don't have any place to meet women at. I'm disabled and can't work, and I don't have any transportation. I'm also not into the clubbing or bar scene.

 

[Take Heart]

To be honest, brother, I don't think God wants you to necessarily remain single. Perhaps He didn't want you to look for a wife via those internet dating sites you've mentioned. "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
I recommend praying to Him for an opportunity to find a godly wife and for Him to help you become the husband your future wife needs. You don't have to be perfect since perfection is impossible and everyone has their own issues, but to know your role as a future husband and to get closer to God and ask for His wisdom and guidance in this area. From hearing various experiences, I have found that once others were content in being single and seeking that relationship and intimacy with God Himself.. then the door of opportunity of finding a godly partner is opened by Him.

 

[Greg J.]

My experience (over a very long period of time) is that when you let God be in charge of dating, he's going to work on you for a long time. Over the years I have come to see how awful a husband I would have been. To some degree, it is true that if you have trouble living with yourself, you're not ready to live with someone else. You can win the masturbation fight. The key IMO for all sexual temptation is to eject the thoughts as early on as possible. They just become too powerful if not starved while in the beginning of the thought process. The fact that you can abstain for two months means that you can succeed in this. It might take years before you don't struggle with it, though. The most powerful way to deal with this I've found (and others have found) is to spend a lot of time with the Lord in prayer daily. It may take a while before you see the effects, but along with Bible study and fasting it would eventually make everything in your life easier. The more you are obedient to the Lord the more responsibility he has taken for the results, and you can count on him excelling at what he is responsible for.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I'm 34, and I have never even kissed a girl, and, without a mericle, I will almost certainly never marry. I've tried internet dating for years, I just don't think it's God's will for whatever reason. I don't believe in sex outside of marriage, so I guess by default I will never have sex, which is a problem, because I have a very high sex drive. I can accept that it's God's will for me to never marry, but I have such a strong sex drive, and I don't know what to do with it. I've obstained from touching yourself for over 60 days now, but I don't think it's a realistic goal to never do it again. And I get turned on all the time. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?

circa02:
I did internet dating for a decade, not all of it was bad.
I learned many lessons about people over the internet.
Some guys were married and living a life of lies and stuff,
some guys just needed somebody to talk to and be friends with.
Of course there were those who were wolves in sheep's clothing
and just wanted a bed partner, they didn't want a Christian girl
for a wife.

You know something? I know some guys who got trapped in masturbation and were
into porn and one nightstands. When they did get married, they still had problems
with their masturbating, porn and having one nightstands, those issues didn't
fade away just because they got married, no sir!
Those problems were still there!
All they did was drag those problems into their marriages and on top of all that
they added another person to the mix, their wives got slapped in the face by those problems!
Don't con yourself, a wife isn't a cure all.
Your problems need to be handled before you go seeking a wife.

The bible say we're to die to self.
It also say we're not our own and that our bodies are the temple of the holy spirit who resides in us...
we are not our own, we were bought at a high price by Jesus, so we need to glorify God with our bodies.

In your own strength you can do nothing.
Your whole body needs to be offered to God.
Ask him to help you overcome your doubts, the devil and worldly thinking.
Because of Jesus we have access to great power.
Search the scriptures, in them is truth, wisdom, correction and guidance.
It also reveals lots about God and his character.

I read about you being disabled and needing help from other people, let me
tell you something, we all need help from others. When I didn't have a car, I
need help from lots of people to get to work and stuff. It wasn't easy all those
years...I struggled lots to get from place to place.

I'm not a small woman, I'm a bit on the thick side but I'm working on that.
I got into exercise and I'm doing much better, making good food choices.
Most guys back then wouldn't give me the time of day...that made me all sad and depressed,
then I'd eat. Food is comforting but too much of it makes you look like you swallowed
a beanbag!
God helped me to see myself like he do.
Once I started taking him at his word I gradually stopped with all the over eating and being down on myself.
If I stumble, I get back up and start again.
I got a couple of friends who come to my rescue, they get me out walking or riding my bike, sometimes
we go for long walks. Much of the time I can handle things and don't need nobody to coach me into doing
exercise...but when I need help, I call of a girlfriend to get me up out of this house.
I trimmed down a lot over the years, I'm still not "skinny" but I don't look like a beanbag any more!

Now let me tell you about my love interest, I met him on the computer.
We chatted a lot, then he wanted to exchange photos online, his photo was
already posted but mine wasn't.
He was all trim and stuff and I was afraid he'd dump me if I shared my photo.
I sent him my photo and waited for him to stop chatting with me.
You know something? he didn't do that! I was surprised!
You see, I had him "all figured out" and I turned out to be wrong!
Sometimes it's good to be wrong lol.
He came to visit me and we talked for hours and hours...to me it seemed
like we had known one another forever!
We got engaged in less than a month's time and married shortly after that.

We good together now.
I say I'm "in a relationship" instead of just saying "I'm married"...I don't hide the fact
I'm married either. I just got tired of those around me who are married saying it like it was
something they were ashamed of instead something they prized.
I've been married for over ten years now and we prize our marriage.
It ain't all sunshine and flowers but it ain't
the hell these friends of mine around here make it out to be either!
I referring to friends here who got good spouses who work, provides and is walking hard after the
Lord and trying to love their spouses. The wives say if they can't have a new outfit each week
and get their hair and nails done that they are being neglected! They cry to me about this so much,
sometimes I wish I could move! It ain't enough for them to have decent places to live, food on the
table and a nice car, hard working husbands who love them and helps to mind the children?
I remind them that good black marriages aren't the norm, but it just go in one ear and out the
other! I keep on trying to get them to show honor to their husbands and marriages because we live
around a lot of people who ain't married, they just shack up with whatever guy that smiles at them
and make another baby. Too many of them have their eyes on the world instead of on Jesus.

Believe me, marriage is a working relationship! You both have to contribute to keep
it going. It's a serious commitment, you can't play with it, you got to handle it with
TLC, it also needs prayer, guarding, respect, forgiveness, faithfulness and all that...you spend a lot of
time forgiving one another the longer you are together. Cause neither of you is perfect
nor are you without sin or flaws.

Please don't be so down on yourself or God, he can work things out if you let him.
Even if you are disabled, don't have a car and haven't had a girlfriend, can't work or whatever.
It doesn't mean you're disqualified from attaining any of that.
Often times it means you got some personal demons that you need to overcome
and from the other posts you made, I see you have some things you need to
get straighten out.
Work on that first, don't be looking to add another person into your mess.
Loving someone starts before you meet that special someone...now you go before the
Lord, surrender all your junk to him. Lay yourself down before him and ask him to
help you overcome those stumbling blocks in your mind and in your life.

 

[Gabriel Anton]

A lot of very good advice here.

Let's take a look at your bright side.

You have pretty good self control in terms of sexual control for a horny person.
You know what it's like to be handicapped.
You know what it's like to be single for a long time.
You don't believe in sex outside of marriage which means you have faith in God.

Think not what God can do for you but what you can do for God, I say. That should be your attitude. Work on yourself. You have plenty of time when you are alone. Plant virtuous thoughts in your heart and mind and soul so you can grow in virtue.

Google this:
how does a disabled man find love?

Find out what you are lacking and grow them.
Never writhe in self pity because you are handicapped and can't find a woman in life. It is unbecoming especially for a Christian. Grow your spirit through devotion to God. Grow your faith in God. Without faith in God, you get nowhere.

Think of what you can offer that special lady, Not I'm old, I'm disabled, I'll never have sex, I'll never kiss a gal, I don't have a car, I don't have a job, nobody wants me. You're disabled and you keep thinking like that, that is where you will end up, all alone and miserable.

Ponder on this:

A Christian who loves God and has God in his heart is the richest man in the world. Do this first before seeking a woman.

You got little love in your heart and so many problems in your life. What are you going to share with your special woman? If you are lacking love in your heart and spirit, even if you find a woman, can you keep and hold on to her? Don't assume just because you marry someone, she will stay with you until death do us part. Without love, it all falls apart.

A woman loves you for something she holds dear to her heart. When you understand this, you can seek a woman.

 

[dhh712]

I'm 34, and I have never even kissed a girl, and, without a mericle, I will almost certainly never marry. I've tried internet dating for years, I just don't think it's God's will for whatever reason. I don't believe in sex outside of marriage, so I guess by default I will never have sex, which is a problem, because I have a very high sex drive. I can accept that it's God's will for me to never marry, but I have such a strong sex drive, and I don't know what to do with it. I've obstained from touching yourself for over 60 days now, but I don't think it's a realistic goal to never do it again. And I get turned on all the time. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?

Don't get caught up in legalism. For whatever reason, God has not willed for you to be married yet. Don't focus on yourself but focus on God. This problem that you have, don't indulge in it for sure, but don't get caught up in like how many days you've gone without or something like that. It's not the only sin in the world, surely not the only one you do; for instance, if I were to get caught up in how many days I get behind a slow person driving to work and start cursing them and getting real angry, then that's just it--I might as well forget being a Christian. Can't do it. Can't get a hold of my anger. It's something I work on.

Sin is sin. We all have it. We don't indulge in it and be like, ok whatever I'm angry, I get turned on, oh well. You repent daily, you work on your temptations, you pray. Most of all, try to make Christ the focus of your life. If you can do that, I guarentee this problem will become less of a problem in your life. To make a confession and give you hope, I had a problem with this as well; it was mainly an issue when I was transgender (you're probably well aware that the opposite sex as what I am has generally more of an issue with this). Now since I'm engaged, this is a temptation me and my fiancé face before we get married.

Spend more time in prayer, reading God's word, and focusing more on Christ and less on yourself is what I would recommend. It has definitely helped me with my issues (though I'm still struggling with a lot of things!)

 

[tickingclocker]

Someone gave me some wise advice a long time ago. "Be the person you are seeking." Start preparing yourself to be THE best husband you could ever be. It's not money, looks, or charm that attracts decent women. It's a constant inner kindness, honesty, thoughtfulness, humor, not viewing women as "meat" to be consumed, and above all--a godly man who is comfortable in his own skin, whatever that may consist of! That is what attracts the right kind of women. If it doesn't? Maybe God doesn't want you to be married after all?