What Do I Do Now?

[Leanna]

Take away the computer. No yelling or scolding, just remove it. He has abused the use of it repeatedly, so, natural consequences, he does not get to use it anymore. That much temptation at the fingertips of a 15 year old is too much for your son - it is for many men, of all ages.

You would not dream of pluning a 10 year old in a room full of candy and tellling him not to eat any of it, and then being disappointed when he did. You set him up for failure. You are setting your 15 year old up for repeated failure. Take the constant temptation away from him.

I was going to suggest smoething similar-- put the computer in a central location in your home and do not allow him on it past your bedtime, keep yourself as the only password holder. Then he can still use it during his waking hours while you are around. I know a guy who struggles with this, and he can't hold a normal healthy relationship with a woman because of it. He got into porn early beacuse of his internet access and the fact that his parents allowed him to be on there unmonitored and since he was so young it rooted in his life bad. I cannot fully say how bad but he lost his son as a result. I can't say for sure how to fix it, but I would sure do anything I could, including counseling.... but that's just me. I know people think it is "normal" but it all depends on how long and how deep the person is in and if your 15 year old has been struggling for a couple years then I consider that to be pretty bad and the last thing you want is for it to be a life long problem.

 

[Vilnius]

I was going to suggest smoething similar-- put the computer in a central location in your home and do not allow him on it past your bedtime, keep yourself as the only password holder. Then he can still use it during his waking hours while you are around. I know a guy who struggles with this, and he can't hold a normal healthy relationship with a woman because of it. He got into porn early beacuse of his internet access and the fact that his parents allowed him to be on there unmonitored and since he was so young it rooted in his life bad. I cannot fully say how bad but he lost his son as a result. I can't say for sure how to fix it, but I would sure do anything I could, including counseling.... but that's just me. I know people think it is "normal" but it all depends on how long and how deep the person is in and if your 15 year old has been struggling for a couple years then I consider that to be pretty bad and the last thing you want is for it to be a life long problem.

I know we are giving advice to one person here, but I can tell you the number of male teens with problems of one degree or the other in this area is approaching 100%. It is an area families and churches really need to make sure they deal with as they nurture spiritual development.

 

[TexasSky]

I agree with putting the computer in a public area of the home.

You might also find another reason to bring up the topic of computer and pornography and try to take a non-judgmental approach in the discussion. I don't see why you can refer to some of the conversations on this board as your starting off part. "I was at a Christian chat site today and the topic of internet pornography came up. I realized we hadn't really sat down and discussed how dangerous it is. It seems harmless, but...."

 

[Joyfull]

I am glad--but not glad--to find others have had this problem too. My son has not had a problem on line--we share the computer and I check where he goes. But I did find a swimsuit issue (Sports Illustrated) in his room, which upset me very much. Do you think I am over reacting? Do you think it could lead to worse things?

 

[okron]

I am glad--but not glad--to find others have had this problem too. My son has not had a problem on line--we share the computer and I check where he goes. But I did find a swimsuit issue (Sports Illustrated) in his room, which upset me very much. Do you think I am over reacting? Do you think it could lead to worse things?

Joyfull,
Are the women in that issue beautiful - yes, can it lead to other fantacies/problems - yes, do you need to have a talk with your son - yes, would I watch very carefully his computer activity - absolutely. But understand that he may not understand where it can lead him at this point and the conversation should be low key not emotional.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Just to say it, for those who have kids (mainly sons) who are experts at using a computer, just becuase you can't finds signs of visiting such websites does not mean it is happening.

 

[Emma!]

I agree with Leanna, i also think this sort of thing needs to be niped in the butt very quickly. Its a part of the role of the 'head of the house' to protect his family and i think that acting on this is protecting him, he is not at an age that he can see the full concequences of what he is doing.

I also think this should be dealt with quickly because it is involving someone elses daughter on the other end (you said he was talking her into sending nakid pics) her parents may not know what is happening so you have a responsibility to stop your son from encouraging her more into this seen.

I cannot emphasis enough how deep this stuff can get, and how bogged down young men can become, be his protector and do what ever you can to put a stop to this. And always be praying for him, praise God that you came across this stuff, well done for seeking what to do about it...now act and protect him.

 

[Kej]

I have had, and am having with daughter #2, some of the same problems. Just found out a week ago that she's been flashing her boyfriend via webcam. I've hidden the webcam and cancelled a planned visit by him this summer.

At this age it's very hard to discipline them and keep a peaceful home at the same time. I've been told you can't be a parent and a friend, but I'm inclined to think there is a way. Just haven't found it yet lol.

Sorry I can't offer any advice, but sometimes it helps to hear from someone in the same situation.

 

[Emma!]

I have had, and am having with daughter #2, some of the same problems. Just found out a week ago that she's been flashing her boyfriend via webcam. I've hidden the webcam and cancelled a planned visit by him this summer.

nice move by you, she will thankyou down the track for it. God bless you and continue to give you wisdom.

 

[Kej]

I downloaded a program this afternoon called Desktop Surveillance by Omniquad (do a search and you'll find where to download). It's a key capture and activity monitoring program. It also takes screenshots at intervals you can designate.

You can use it free for 30 says. Already it has revealed some disturbing things from her chats.

 

[lavenderskies]

Our 14 year old son was going to porn sites. We showed him the proof he had done it. We also have the ability to have a proxy server in our home, so he is out of luck once he is allowed back online. He will be denied access to such sites. There is a great book called Every Young Man's Struggle, I suggest getting that for him.

 

[tp65]

So many great suggestions! We just installed Content Protect, it not only blocks harmful websites (most) but it reports to me where anyone has been or where they have attempted to go. There is a free 14 day trial, so no loss of $ if it doesn't work for you. I can also set up the time of day they can use the internet and each person has to log on so I can see their activity.

"Who Moved the Goalpost" by Bob Gresh is a boy's retreat (or class) that my church has used for sexual temptations for boys.

As for the girls, "And the bride wore white" by Dannah Gresh. It was a weekend retreat, or could be a class, called "Pure Freedom".

As a concerned parent, why not lead the class/retreat yourself? There are workbooks that help and anyone can do it (I did!)

As for how to handle your son, I think help from a counselor, due to the lying, might be good. You may learn as much as your son. As for the porn, the counselor can probably help with that as well. But I would try to remember, today is a new day...he can start his path to purity today...yesterday's mistakes can be left behind. Blessings, T