What do atheists think of polygamy?

[HolyGuardianAngels]

Why not?

I think He said: ONE single woman . . .

 

[quatona]

Why not?

It´s not my kind of thing. Never saw any good reason to marry.

 

[Nithavela]

If you personally don't want to have a polyamorous relationship, then by all means don't have one. But I can't see a reason why those who wish to have one, are all able to consent, know what they are doing et cetera et cetera shouldn't be doing it. Sure, some of these relationships might get into trouble, but many monogamous relationships do as well, and although I don't know the numbers I'd wager that both have aprox. the same rate of divorce or however you call that in a polyamorous relationship.

 

[Jane_the_Bane]

Well, the term polygamy commonly refers to a single patriarchal husband keeping several wives.
Personally, I'm opposed to the "ownership"-syndrome that reduces women to the status of property in such a constellation, but then again, that very phenomenon is also present in traditional monogamous marriage.

In a less literal sense, a relationship that includes more than two loving partners who respect and cherish each other does not strike me as immoral at all - why should it be? Given that these partners accept and know of each other, it even strikes me as less problematic with regards to morality than a truly traditional marriage (read: a marriage that conceives of the wife as the husband's exclusive property, probably arranged by her father).

 

[Jane_the_Bane]

I think He said: ONE single woman . . .

Salomon and some of the other patriarchs must have missed that part, huh?

 

[trunks2k]

I don't see anything morally wrong with polygamy on the simple level of Bob loves Jane and Christy, Christy loves Bob and Jane, and Jane loves Christy and Bob and they all want to marry eachother. Except this doesn't seem to happen all that often, rather we have Bob loves Jane and Christy, Christy loves Bob and Jane loves Bob but Christy and Jane don't love eachother. That sort of set up I think starts teetering more towards the old ownership model if marriage.

On a practical level, I don't think our laws can handle legal polygamous marriages. Once those laws are set up, then I can see little problem with it.

 

[Eudaimonist]

I personally do not favor polygamy, for various reasons. One obvious reason is that polygamy could create a macho competition to have as many wives as possible, and this may leave many men without the option to marry.

But my main reason is that I am radically a serial monogamist. My view is that it is best to uphold only one partner as the "romantic focus" of one's life, to whom one gives one's undivided dedication, attention, and romantic feelings. To split this focus may create conflicts of dedication between the husband and his wives, and possibly create jealousy among his wives, where one almost has to select one wife as the main wife, (in traditional Japanese culture, this main wife was called the "Lady of the North", because she would live in the north wing of the home), and this is unfair to the other wives.

I realize that polygamists can try to work their way through such problems, but if relationships involving just two people are complex, it seems to me that relationships involving more than two people increase their complexity geometrically. I see polygamy as unwise, and something like hubris.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[Diane_Windsor]

RichardT, though you probably didn't mean it, your post does come across as insulting to athiests.

 

[Miss Mayberry]

Guys and gals:

This thread has undergone clean-up and can remain open for posting as long as the rules are followed. Especially:

[rule2.1]

Happy posting!
-Miss May

 

[Shemjaza]

Personally, I'm all for poly relationships. (I've been in one before). I'd love for them to be legal, because there are some close friends of mine who might take advantage of the legal stability.

The problem with legalized polygamy is that it causes a huge problem if one spouse dies or divorces from the "family". How would the assets be divided? Who would get custody of the children? It's a big enough mess when two people go through this, can you imagine three or more? And what about the children? Having to live a secret life out of fear and shame? What about people who already practice polygamy in secret and the wives share the children and the husband hops from bed to bed every night of the week? These kids never know who is more important in the family or who is the favorite. You want to practice polygamy? Fine, but leave kids out of it. They don't deserve that sort of life.

I don't want to detract from your opinionated rant, but I'm not sure you are aware that people in monogamous relations treat each other badly to the detriment of their children every day.

I'm sorry that you've met people with an appalling poly relationship without any consideration for each other or for their children... but extrapolating that to all poly people is like banning atheism because Stalin was evil.

I have encountered many stable and loving happy open and/or poly relationships. Some involve children, and in a healthy situation this means they have more nurturing adults around to care for them. People so caught up in themselves that they neglect their partners, their children or their partners children shouldn't be in any relationship, poly or otherwise.

Also the point that children will be mistreated by having a "secret life", are you as scathing of interracial couples in areas where that's uncommon?

And finally, for all people who immediately associate poly relationships with caring less for you partners... do you also think that any person who has a second child obviously didn't really care about their first?

 

[Eudaimonist]

I don't want to detract from your opinionated rant

She didn't give an "opinionated rant". She gave her view, backed by personal experiences. I appreciate this, since it adds a few data points to stories of polyamory I encounter online.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[Shemjaza]

She didn't give an "opinionated rant". She gave her view, backed by personal experiences. I appreciate this, since it adds a few data points to stories of polyamory I encounter online.

She described my lifestyle and that of some of my dearest friends as something fundamentally bad for children... using a single example of it failing.

I agree there are examples of terrible poly relationships collapsing into misery for everyone involved but that isn't evidence that they all do.

If I described some of the train-wreck monogamous relationships I've known of and used that to justify them all being a bad idea for anyone planning on having kids people would be right in calling me on it.

 

[lostsheepwithoutashepard]

they would think whatever they believe about it

 

[Jane_the_Bane]

Personally, I prefer a monogamous lifestyle for pretty much the same reasons as Eudaimonist. I can imagine being in love with more than one partner at once without neglecting or betraying one of them, and can even conceive of a functional polyamorous relationship in theory - but I think that our cultural heritage creates a massive stumbling block nevertheless.

 

[Eudaimonist]

She described my lifestyle and that of some of my dearest friends as something fundamentally bad for children... using a single example of it failing.

I don't recall her saying that it was "fundamentally bad" for children -- just that there were significant dangers. But your point is well taken. There do exist examples of reasonably successful polygamous families.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[quatona]

Personally, I prefer a monogamous lifestyle for pretty much the same reasons as Eudaimonist. I can imagine being in love with more than one partner at once without neglecting or betraying one of them, and can even conceive of a functional polyamorous relationship in theory - but I think that our cultural heritage creates a massive stumbling block nevertheless.

I agree with this, also. I personally am not sure, though, that I like the idea of letting cultural heritage take the lead when it comes to picking the way I want to live. Not meant as an objection, but to point out that this is just a matter of priorities.
Nonetheless, this would be an interesting - though probably academical - question: How much incongruence between cultural heritage and the way we lead our lives can we take/endure/manage? Beyond which line does it become *unreasonable* to place oneself outside the paradigms of our cultural heritage?

And, btw. all the best for your marriage! (Wenn Du willst, kannst Du mir ja mal Zeit und Ort pmen. Vielleicht kann ich es ja einrichten, meine Wünsche persönlich zu überbringen).

 

[peepnklown]

What do atheists think of polygamy?

If all persons are consenting adults then I have no problem with polygamy.

 

[GryffinSong]

I've never known (knowingly anyway) a polygamous or polyandrous family. In theory, however, with regard to the children: It seems to me that raising children is a very difficult task. And most people don't hold all the skills needed to do it well. They used to say that it takes a village to raise a child. In this day and age, with family spreading further and further apart, it seems the more loving adults a child has in their life the better.

 

[Foolish_Fool]

I have to wonder what atheists base their morality on. The answer of "it's my personal feelings on what is right and/or wrong" doesn't hold any water. How are these opinions formed? Surely it must be based on something tangible.

I can tell you what mine is based on, 3 simple rules that any idiot can discover with a few seconds of thought.

1- If it causes harm, then it is bad.
2- If it helps, then it is good.
3- If it does neither, then it is neutral.

You also have to remember that it's mostly shades of gray, very few things are black and white.

 

[JGG]

I think it should be the government's business if there was a huge movement to have it legalized. The negative consequences of polygamy far outweigh the positive ones. Don't believe me? I've known, personally, two polygamists in my life. One guy got into a huge mess when one of his partners stopped taking her birth control pill without his knowledge and she got pregnant. Then the other partner became jealous and did the same thing. So here is this young man with two pregnant girlfriends, each one vieing for his undivided attention. Girlfriend #1 thought she deserved more attention because she got pregnant first. Girlfriend #2 thought she deserved more attention because she had been his girlfriend for about a year before they entered into a polyamorous relationship. What a mess! In the end, both girls left him and they went their separate ways with bitter resentment toward one another. Couple number two was a married couple who had adopted the swinger's lifestyle hoping to find a good match to bring into their home on a permanent basis. Of course, the women the wife liked the husband didn't and vice versa. Then the wife became suspicious he was looking for the new partner without her being present and she accused him of cheating. They ended up having to go through marriage counseling.

I have two classmates who both bought Paris Hilton's dance album. One has dropped out of school, and the other just failed an important Chem exam.

This shows that obviously, Paris Hilton should be imprisoned.