What did your dad teach you?

[seekingmuch]

Mine was an abusive jerk.

What was a good dad like growing up? (If you had one)

 

[Barney2.0]

My father who was and still is absent from my everyday life is an abusive drunk that is wanted every now and then for corruption charges, and uses his money to buy prostitutes and alchohol instead of looking after his kids. And this stuff goes on when he isn’t doing his normal hobby in life which is trying to ruin our lives with lawsuits. So never had a good dad and I’ve never known what it’s like to have a father.

 

[Dave-W]

Mine was also abusive. Had mom not left him when I was 7, I probably would not have lived to see 10.

Later in life I did forgive him, and established a relationship with him; not close but workable.

 

[rockytopva]

But you all have turned out to be great people. Thanks to the Heavenly Father for that. My dad detested my Pentecostal experience and the next thing to know he spent 20 years in prison doing hard time. He run into Pentecostal type experience in prison and our relationship is now great.

 

[Dave-W]

My father who was and still is absent from my everyday life is an abusive drunk that is wanted every now and then for corruption charges, and uses his money to buy prostitutes and alchohol instead of looking after his kids. And this stuff goes on when he isn’t doing his normal hobby in life which is trying to ruin our lives with lawsuits. So never had a good dad and I’ve never known what it’s like to have a father.

Alcohol? Prostitutes?
How is that even possible in Saudi Arabia???

 

[jacks]

My dad taught me many things. He taught me how to fix things, how to be independent, how to be kind to people and how to examine life for truth. Was he perfect? Of course not, but even his faults were instructive. I'm fortunate in that unlike the previous posters, I had a wonderful father who I loved very much. He is now passed away and I miss being able to be with him, though he is always in my heart.

 

[Jonaitis]

My father was and still is a hard working guy. When we (I and my brother) were younger, he use to spend a lot of time with us - camping, travelling, playing sports at parks, etc. He was very outgoing that other children would tag along to my jealousy, and he was a really fun person to hang out with.

My problem with him as a father figure isn't nearly as bad as anyone here may have, but he was not a very disciplinary person. My mother was a very strict person in many ways, and very disciplinary. My father never really spanked or punished us in a very serious way, almost as if he couldn't when he tried. My mother had no mercy, I tell you. You just walk out of her sight and you can get punished. Now that I am grown, I realize how spoiled I was growing up with both parents. I realize that I don't see my father as someone I respect as I do with my mother, when I am told to do something, and I think it is that way because of how he raised us from his side. I tremble when my mother gets upset, but I sometimes have the urgency to laugh a bit when my father gets upset. I don't think that is right.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Mine was an abusive jerk.
What was a good dad like growing up? (If you had one)

So never had a good dad and I’ve never known what it’s like to have a father.

My parents taught me discipleship when I was young, like Timothy's mother and grand-mother taught Timothy the Scripture from a young age. They also made mistakes, which took sometimes decades to discover or realize.

Also,
When I was young, I was fatherless for most years. Thanks be to God always, Reading this in Scripture was a certain (sure and faithful) help and strength many times.... "God is the Father of the fatherless" (and many other references).
For both missing parents and for parents 'present' but not-so-good (to very bad),
God has provided nurture, comfort , healing and strength ....

http://blogs.blueletterbible.org/blb/2011/11/17/impossible-with-man-possible-with-god/

A short excerpt from blog on blue letter bible.>
"Wow, this is certainly humbling. Since my last post, I feel I have been less than what I should be; I lack so much, humility, faithfulness…etc. But I know that the heavenly father is worthy, i know the heavenly Father can redeem and I am determnined, no matter how many times I fall to keep pressing. I’m always inspired by blueletterbible.org and the messages brought through by the heavenly father. This battle is so real, the raging war of souls and spiritual forces, but to know that the heavenly father has the victory is truly awesome (Jeremiah 29:11). He knows, and that is all that matters, despite what I see, hear, and feel, it may be so troublesome to my heart at times, but I am determined to keep pressing. Praise God for this website, until I find a church home, I am certainly thankful for what I have been blessed with here."

 

[drjean]

In my practice and experience I have yet to find a truly "good dad". But yes, there are those who really do try to be a good dad, and do quite well at it.

I learned more from my dad by watching.... I think one of the key elements that saved my life was the ability to push through pain. I don't think this is hereditary...but environmental... I saw him do it, and learned I could too. Otherwise, I would have offed myself the first year of disability. I'm in year 33 now... and Jesus and Dad's teaching are the reason.

 

[Barney2.0]

Alcohol? Prostitutes?
How is that even possible in Saudi Arabia???

Alchohol is from the embassies it’s pretty easy to get if you have money, and as for the prostitutes you get those from traveling to Dubai.

 

[Dave-W]

Ah. OK.

 

[seekingmuch]

Everyone, I'm sorry your fathers were no better than mine. Mine was a serial adulterer, too. He didn't drink. But, he cheated on my mom every chance he got so that's worse than drinking.

It seems only 2 of you had decent ones.

I was always jealous of other kids growing up that had loving dads. It always made me think, "what was wrong with me?" I realize now mine was just a useless piece of excrement. I forgave my father like some of you did, but we will never be close.

I guess good fathers are rare. I actually figured they were. It's probably why football players are always saying, "Hi, Mom" and never mention daddy.

 

[paul1149]

My dad had a difficult life, always struggling against big odds, but he gave his all to support the family. Family life was usually very strained, and my emotional needs went largely unmet, which impacted me greatly as I set out into the world. But the experience taught me my need of God, and that became the basis of my new life. I spent too many years hurt and angry at my parents, cycling between keeping my distance and then trying to be a part of things. Finally I realized I couldn't be a part because they refused to embrace the healing process (this was after my dad had passed, which happened when I was 22, and only my mom and one sister were left), and my peace permanently set in.

Since then, my appreciation and fondness for my parents has only increased, as I saw how they gave everything they were able to give. (I had a spiritual dream which helped me see this.) I can't go back to the way it was, and certainly don't want to, but I know they loved me as best they could, given their own brokenness. I'm also aware that this understanding is a gift from the Lord, one that I am very grateful for, as it has set my heart at rest and resolved a lot of lingering pain from the past.

 

[Dave-W]

Everyone, I'm sorry your fathers were no better than mine.

That was why I tried really hard to be a much better dad than my own.

 

[drjean]

Everyone, I'm sorry your fathers were no better than mine. Mine was a serial adulterer, too. He didn't drink. But, he cheated on my mom every chance he got so that's worse than drinking.

It seems only 2 of you had decent ones.

I was always jealous of other kids growing up that had loving dads. It always made me think, "what was wrong with me?" I realize now mine was just a useless piece of excrement. I forgave my father like some of you did, but we will never be close.

I guess good fathers are rare. I actually figured they were. It's probably why football players are always saying, "Hi, Mom" and never mention daddy.

My dad wasn't perfect. But he was a Christian even though we didn't talk about God and Jesus at home... he made sure we all accepted Christ, joined the church, and he got all 8 of there every Sunday morning!

I realized later in life, after raising my own children, that you just do the best you can and hope the family realizes this at some point. If it's earlier than later, that's the best! Not sure mine have yet.

I researched and found that both my parents were probably abused in their own families. They never discussed anything 'with' us but... things like mom always made sure I had shoes that fit and I realized later that this was because she never had shoes that fit as a child and it ruined her feet. My dad began writing about his life at my urging...too late in life though and he died of brain cancer. But from what he wrote I realized that farm life in the teens (he was born 1910) was indeed difficult! He was in Navy when Pearl Harbor was bombed...and I gather that is one reason why the strong wind always bothered him, reminding him of his time on the ships??

I know they did what they could for the family. I know they did their best, even though hindsight showed it wasn't so good at times.

 

[seekingmuch]

My dad wasn't perfect. But he was a Christian even though we didn't talk about God and Jesus at home... he made sure we all accepted Christ, joined the church, and he got all 8 of there every Sunday morning!

I realized later in life, after raising my own children, that you just do the best you can and hope the family realizes this at some point. If it's earlier than later, that's the best! Not sure mine have yet.

I researched and found that both my parents were probably abused in their own families. They never discussed anything 'with' us but... things like mom always made sure I had shoes that fit and I realized later that this was because she never had shoes that fit as a child and it ruined her feet. My dad began writing about his life at my urging...too late in life though and he died of brain cancer. But from what he wrote I realized that farm life in the teens (he was born 1910) was indeed difficult! He was in Navy when Pearl Harbor was bombed...and I gather that is one reason why the strong wind always bothered him, reminding him of his time on the ships??

I know they did what they could for the family. I know they did their best, even though hindsight showed it wasn't so good at times.

It sounds like your dad and mom did the best they could. That's all anyone can really ask, right? I'd say you had decent parents.

My dad's father was shot and killed by the woman's husband he was cheating with. So, you would think my dad wouldn't have wanted to be a cheating, lying scum bucket. Instead, he idolized his dad for some odd reason and did worse than his dad did cheating-wise. I enjoy telling my "father" just what a useless piece of excrement his dad was. LOL My dad claimed to be a big Christian and finally got caught cheating. He lost his career over it. I saw just what a lying hypocrite he was. Sometimes I hope he burns in hell and sometimes I don't. But, I'm told that is normal to feel that way. I forgave him, but I did not forget.

My mom was a good Christian woman, and still is, but she's a battered woman today. My mom also hope he burns in hell and sometimes she doesn't want that.

 

[waves]

Mine was an abusive jerk.

What was a good dad like growing up? (If you had one)

My father has good and bad sides. He cared for me, ensure I eat, send me to school, I always had a place to sleep etc

My father knows though how to manipulate family members to make them argue. Like he says something negative to someone, knowing that it will cause anger in that person, and then he manipulates the situation to make another person angry with that same person, and then shortly after, people start quarreling with each other, clashing, so he sets up persons to quarrel, while he sits quietly and laughs as what has occurred. I never realized he was doing this until about two years ago. It was just something that was just normal.

He has also done a variation of this where he says something negative to someone, the person get offended, and the person who get offended mentions another person, as a way to shift the conversation and then the other person asks why their name have to be called in the first place, causing a clash and offense.

My dad enjoys when people are quarreling, he gets a kick out of it.

When I pronounce a word wrong, he immediately points it out to me saying that I pronounced it wrong, and I can see he is enjoying that, while often makes me feel bad when he does it. I have no problem with being corrected, but he makes me feel a bit ashamed for pronouncing something wrong.

There are other things most of which I have no memory of. But I do know that he and my uncle (my mother's brother) is aware of what is going on in my situation and is directly involved as well.

 

[Dave-W]

Wow. I am sure it breaks our Heavenly Father's heart to see so many earthly fathers being so abusive.

 

[seekingmuch]

Wow. I am sure it breaks our Heavenly Father's heart to see so many earthly fathers being so abusive.

Here are 25 facts from social science research on the effects of having a father in the home:

1. Children living with fathers in the home tend to fare better on cognitive achievement and behavioral outcomes.

2. Adolescents living in intact families tend to report closer relationships with their fathers.

3. Among urban fathers, those who frequently attend religious services tend to be more engaged with their children.

4. Close relationships between adolescents and their fathers are positively associated with adolescents’ psychological well-being.

5. Adolescents with more involved fathers tend to exhibit lower levels of behavioral problems.

6. Adolescents who report having more positive relationships with their fathers are less likely to engage in delinquency.

7. Adolescents who report having more positive relationships with their fathers are less likely to abuse substances.

8. Individuals whose fathers showed more involvement in their lives early on tend to attain higher levels of education.

9. Growing up without a father appears to be associated with greater likelihood of incarceration later in life.

10. Fathers’ religiosity is linked to higher quality of parent-child relationships.

11. Fathers’ engagement in their children’s activities was linked to higher academic performance.

12. Among adolescent girls, those who have a strong relationship with their fathers are less likely to report experiencing depression.

13. Close father-adolescent bonds protect against the negative influence of peer drug use.

14. Adolescent girls who have a close relationship with their fathers are more likely to delay sexual activity.

15. Adolescent girls whose fathers were present during their childhood are less likely to become pregnant.

16. Adolescent males who report a close relationship with their fathers are more likely to anticipate having a stable marriage in the future.

17. Men who become fathers outside of marriage are more likely to be poor.

18. Fathers of intact families spend, on average, more time with their children.

19. Children raised in intact families by happily married parents tend to be more religious in adulthood.

20. Children raised in intact families are more likely to have stable and healthy romantic relationships as adults.

21. Intact families are more likely to provide a safe home for children.

22. Adolescent girls who have never lived apart from their parents are less likely to report sexual abuse than those who have.

23. Girls who experienced a parental separation during childhood are more likely to engage in early sexual activity.

24. Among teenage boys, those from intact families with frequent religious attendance average the fewest sexual partners.

25. Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor.

25 Facts on the Importance of Fathers

 

[Dave-W]

Pretty Awesome list there, Seeking.