- Feb 18, 2002
- 902
- 5
- Faith
- Marital Status
- Engaged
Insights of a social worker:
"I think there are (unsurprisingly) a number of issues involved with those
people I know who cut themselves. In many cases it seems to fill a similar
role to crying, like an almost-unwilling admission that they just can't cope
with whatever they're facing. And with the same effect of 'recharging' them
afterwards to continue the battle, or to re-evaluate the situation and their
perspective on it. And also with the same feature that some (but not all)
of those doing it resent the very fact that they do it, and hate it (or
themselves for it). Some on the other hand seem to feel it a part of
themselves and of their way of dealing with their life that they are fully
comfortable with. I suppose in many ways (as with crying) these
differences stem from the attitudes of those around them to their 'coping
mechanism'.
With the people I know best I don't construe it at all as an 'attack on
the self' or on the current form of self we are showing to the world
though.. a frustration with the state of one's world/existence certainly,
but most people don't necessarily equate that with a frustration with
themselves, even though I do with myself. There's even sometimes a sense of
'better to cut myself than someone else' I feel. And of course, as with
drink or drugs or violence or tears or panic or whatever, once a particular
behaviour becomes your habit for the times when you feel you can't cope (for
whatever reason it does), it is a perpetual battle to change that habit
should you wish to.
I don't share the idea that the body is what
stops us being that which we most want to be (or indeed that it's not part
of who or what we are), or that everyone dislikes 'what we (they) have
become in this world', but certainly I agree that cutting one's body is
generally an expression of frustration (although of course such expressions
of despair can even become fashionable, and cutting for fashion's sake is
far from unheard of, tho not really what we're talking about here I think).
And yes, *I* feel that this sense of powerlessness in our existence stems
from our not letting ourselves choose that which we wish. But I know that
many don't agree with this, so here I think it is a case of needing to be
careful not to try to fit what we see of the experiences of others too
neatly into our own 'model of existence'.. To include another in such a
model involves as much work and change as including yourself I'd say, as
their ideas feelings and convictions will be just as crazy as your own!
To be honest what interests me at the moment anyway isn't speculating
as to others' reasons for their actions (I prefer to just ask and listen to,
as well as under, their answers), but considering my own life. So if you
feel that we all despair at what we have become in the world, the
interesting question for me would be why *you* feel that despair in
yourself, and the interest in self-cutting would be an interest in the
parallels between that and your own behaviour - whether it sheds any light
to you on yourself? I feel that any understanding we gain of others is just
by an extension of understanding we've gained of our self anyway really. So
if you could understand better why you feel that despair and what part of
*you* might choose to cut yourself, then you will find empathy with those
who do it, and maybe understand what the connection is between them, if
there is one.
Don't know if that helps at all? As I say for me it would be like
crying - a release, an admission of not-dealing, and maybe even a consequent
cry for help. But I'm sure different people's reasons are as varied as
different people's reasons for crying! Like people who eventually cry only
*because* they know they're 'not supposed to'.. there's definitely part of
that taboo-breaking in some people's self-cutting too.. Oh, and also some
people like to learn about other people by observing their reactions *to*
that taboo-breaking on their part, and even do it for that reason.. <sigh>
complex and beautiful things these people!!
Anyway, so those are my thoughts on the matter for now.. feel like
wandering a bit more now"
"I think there are (unsurprisingly) a number of issues involved with those
people I know who cut themselves. In many cases it seems to fill a similar
role to crying, like an almost-unwilling admission that they just can't cope
with whatever they're facing. And with the same effect of 'recharging' them
afterwards to continue the battle, or to re-evaluate the situation and their
perspective on it. And also with the same feature that some (but not all)
of those doing it resent the very fact that they do it, and hate it (or
themselves for it). Some on the other hand seem to feel it a part of
themselves and of their way of dealing with their life that they are fully
comfortable with. I suppose in many ways (as with crying) these
differences stem from the attitudes of those around them to their 'coping
mechanism'.
With the people I know best I don't construe it at all as an 'attack on
the self' or on the current form of self we are showing to the world
though.. a frustration with the state of one's world/existence certainly,
but most people don't necessarily equate that with a frustration with
themselves, even though I do with myself. There's even sometimes a sense of
'better to cut myself than someone else' I feel. And of course, as with
drink or drugs or violence or tears or panic or whatever, once a particular
behaviour becomes your habit for the times when you feel you can't cope (for
whatever reason it does), it is a perpetual battle to change that habit
should you wish to.
I don't share the idea that the body is what
stops us being that which we most want to be (or indeed that it's not part
of who or what we are), or that everyone dislikes 'what we (they) have
become in this world', but certainly I agree that cutting one's body is
generally an expression of frustration (although of course such expressions
of despair can even become fashionable, and cutting for fashion's sake is
far from unheard of, tho not really what we're talking about here I think).
And yes, *I* feel that this sense of powerlessness in our existence stems
from our not letting ourselves choose that which we wish. But I know that
many don't agree with this, so here I think it is a case of needing to be
careful not to try to fit what we see of the experiences of others too
neatly into our own 'model of existence'.. To include another in such a
model involves as much work and change as including yourself I'd say, as
their ideas feelings and convictions will be just as crazy as your own!
To be honest what interests me at the moment anyway isn't speculating
as to others' reasons for their actions (I prefer to just ask and listen to,
as well as under, their answers), but considering my own life. So if you
feel that we all despair at what we have become in the world, the
interesting question for me would be why *you* feel that despair in
yourself, and the interest in self-cutting would be an interest in the
parallels between that and your own behaviour - whether it sheds any light
to you on yourself? I feel that any understanding we gain of others is just
by an extension of understanding we've gained of our self anyway really. So
if you could understand better why you feel that despair and what part of
*you* might choose to cut yourself, then you will find empathy with those
who do it, and maybe understand what the connection is between them, if
there is one.
Don't know if that helps at all? As I say for me it would be like
crying - a release, an admission of not-dealing, and maybe even a consequent
cry for help. But I'm sure different people's reasons are as varied as
different people's reasons for crying! Like people who eventually cry only
*because* they know they're 'not supposed to'.. there's definitely part of
that taboo-breaking in some people's self-cutting too.. Oh, and also some
people like to learn about other people by observing their reactions *to*
that taboo-breaking on their part, and even do it for that reason.. <sigh>
complex and beautiful things these people!!
Anyway, so those are my thoughts on the matter for now.. feel like
wandering a bit more now"
