what could you do single you cant do married?

[fhl2014]

Hi married peeps, so I'm having a serious realisation that once I get married that's it, I'm never going to just be doing life with me ever again and im wondering.. What will I miss? I don't particularly want to travel alone so I won't miss that, I can't afford to live without housemates as it is so I cant miss living alone... I'm outta ideas. From those who have made the switch, is there anything you had to give up or miss a little? Obviously you love your spouse so I'm not asking you to complain or feel bad about answering, I'd just like to get some advice on what to expect and what to make the most of now! Is there anything you wish someone told you to think about or enjoy before tying the knot?
ta

 

[ValleyGal]

Not a thing.
I don't go out as much because he's not as social as I am, but that's okay. As I get a little older, I'm okay with not going out visiting as much as I used to.

We do all the things together that I used to do alone. In fact, I do some things now I never would have done without him, like go to the city or watch American football.

One thing I am really, really glad I did before marrying is get healthy. I mean, I needed to be in a healthy place emotionally and mentally. I did that by finding out how to choose a compatible partner, what makes for a great marriage, what my own values about marriage are, and learning about healthy behaviour conducive to creating a respectful and peaceful home.

Then when we decided to explore taking the friendship further, I knew exactly what subjects needed to be discussed and resolved. It sounds so unromantic, but believe me, it was far more romantic to figure out the unromantic stuff first and get it out of the way before getting our hearts over-involved. Once it was clear that we were suitable partners, we were free to let our hearts go wild with romance. Our approach tempered the fluffy, romantic feelings until the appropriate time.

I'm glad we did it that way. We have a great relationship, supporting each other's dreams. And this means that we do some things together and some things on our own, respectfully. But there is nothing we can't or don't do that we wouldn't do if we were not together.

 

[LinkH]

Marriage doesn't change that much. If you have a good marriage and you get along well, you can still go to all kinds of places and do all kinds of things. now you have someone to do those things with. I stopped working out as much when I got married, partly because I no longer lived two buildings down from the gym.

As a single man, before dating, I could go out and eat alone, go to the movies alone. But I very much preferred doing these things with my wife. I dont't care much for shopping. That's not something I particularly enjoyed doing with my wife, but we did a little of that as well. I made sure she knew she could shop without me when we were engaged I didn't enjoy hanging around the mall with sore legs while my mother bought shoes in the women's shoe store or other things like that. Good thing is was rare. I told my wife she could do that sort of thing with lady friends. Of course, we've shopped together occasionally.

Having a baby is when it changes. When that happens, you either go out alone or you have to pack up a bag, pack up the stroller and put it in the car, put the baby in the carseat. When you get out of the car, you have to take the baby out of the carseat and put the baby in the stroller. if you have lots of little kids, then you try to find times to go shopping alone while your partner is at home with the kids.

When you have a lot of people in your family, you can feel kind of guilty doing too many things alone. I don't want to go swimming alone as much as I would if I were single, probably, because I think i should use my time doing something else and take my kids swimming. The more people you have in your family to take care of, the less free time you have, usually. But it's well worth it.

 

[Purge187]

Driving by myself and playing my music as loud as I want to, having a bathroom to myself, and just deciding to do what I want when I want.

There could be a woman out there who I'd love to share those things with, but if not, God has given me contentment where I am, just like He did for Paul.

 

[Lovely Jar]

Hi married peeps, so I'm having a serious realisation that once I get married that's it, I'm never going to just be doing life with me ever again and im wondering.. What will I miss? I don't particularly want to travel alone so I won't miss that, I can't afford to live without housemates as it is so I cant miss living alone... I'm outta ideas. From those who have made the switch, is there anything you had to give up or miss a little? Obviously you love your spouse so I'm not asking you to complain or feel bad about answering, I'd just like to get some advice on what to expect and what to make the most of now! Is there anything you wish someone told you to think about or enjoy before tying the knot?
ta

What can you do single that you can't do married.

Date.
Be open to a relationship with someone else when they seem to resonate with you as a potential mate.

If you're very young and considering marriage or you're with a boyfriend and you want to marry him and you're very young, take a minute and do the math.
How old are you? Now imagine that person is all you have in your life as a primary focus of your passions and your relationship to the day you die when you're old and let's say 77 years old.

Just him. No one else.
Try this to see if that's do-able.
What is your favorite food?
Eat that and only that every day at any meal you're having for a full week. Nothing else, just that one favorite food.

While you're in the midst of doing that go to a bridal shop and try on dresses till you're ready to puke. Get that whole dress thing out of the way. Because a lot of women imagine that fairytale dress and ceremony and that is the one thing they think of and believe the only way they'll know it is if they're actually walking down the aisle on the real day.

And finally, if you have a guy and you're young and you're thinking of marriage, two things that are really important here.

Ask yourself if you need him because you love him? Or do you love him because you need him.
Needy people don't last in relationships. After awhile it gets old and the one that's being needed so much starts to feel drained.

Second, make a list of all the things you adore about your man. (Again this is if you are in a relationship right now and this is why you're asking this question and because you're considering marriage with him).
Be totally open and write it all down.
Then make another list. All those things you wish he'd change about himself. How he treats you, etc... Be honest. Even those things you can't stand!

Now, compare lists.
If the list of things you wish he'd change is longer than the one that contains the things you adore, he's not the man for you.

The man for you is the guy that is on that list of changes you'd like to see in the guy you're now with. And that guy you wish he'd change into isn't in him! Never will be. But that guy with all those qualities on that list of things you'd adore is out there. And if you jump into a marriage with the guy you want to change into him you'll never meet. Because that guy wouldn't be interested in a married woman.

Hope that helps.

 

[LinkH]

The man for you is the guy that is on that list of changes you'd like to see in the guy you're now with. And that guy you wish he'd change into isn't in him! Never will be. But that guy with all those qualities on that list of things you'd adore is out there.

What if the list of things you don't like are things that aren't that important? I'm not saying I recommend the method, but if you do it, it makes more sense to assign weights to each item in a spreadsheet and calculate it that way instead of counting every item on the list as worth the same. 'Left the toilet seat up when he visited my parents' house' might be worth a 1. But 'loves me so much he sold his car to pay my rent' might be worth 5 or 10.

 

[cerette]

When I was single and lived on my own it was nice to have days when I could exactly what I wanted when I wanted to without having to think of other peoples' needs.
That is totally gone, and sometimes when I am very tired or maybe have a headache, I can miss those days. (But I'd never wanna trade back to it, I am very happy being married)

 

[Inkachu]

Hi married peeps, so I'm having a serious realisation that once I get married that's it, I'm never going to just be doing life with me ever again and im wondering.. What will I miss? I don't particularly want to travel alone so I won't miss that, I can't afford to live without housemates as it is so I cant miss living alone... I'm outta ideas. From those who have made the switch, is there anything you had to give up or miss a little? Obviously you love your spouse so I'm not asking you to complain or feel bad about answering, I'd just like to get some advice on what to expect and what to make the most of now! Is there anything you wish someone told you to think about or enjoy before tying the knot?
ta

First of all, I don't think my personal experiences apply to anyone else, so don't assume that you and your future wife will definitely go through the same things as I have

I also wouldn't say "I wish someone would've told me!"... because again, you can't predict what's going to happen, what's going to be an issue with your spouse, etc.

Having said all that, here's my list!

I miss having complete control of the TV lol. Compromising isn't TOO bad, but I do miss being able to just whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

I miss a good night's sleep My hubby is a bed hog, a snorer, a thrasher, and often has insomnia and gets up and down through the night.

I miss not having to do dishes! When I was single, I lived on paper products, and I hardly ever needed to wash dishes. Now, I live with a man who loves to cook, and loves to serve on "real" dishes, so now the sink is always overflowing with pots and pans and other dishes

I miss having a clean bathroom :-/ Husbands, PLEASE aim your pee properly, and if you miss, CLEAN. IT. UP.


I'm sure there are other things I'll think of along the way

 

[fhl2014]

First of all, I don't think my personal experiences apply to anyone else, so don't assume that you and your future wife will definitely go through the same things as I have

I also wouldn't say "I wish someone would've told me!"... because again, you can't predict what's going to happen, what's going to be an issue with your spouse, etc.

Having said all that, here's my list!

I miss having complete control of the TV lol. Compromising isn't TOO bad, but I do miss being able to just whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

I miss a good night's sleep My hubby is a bed hog, a snorer, a thrasher, and often has insomnia and gets up and down through the night.

I miss not having to do dishes! When I was single, I lived on paper products, and I hardly ever needed to wash dishes. Now, I live with a man who loves to cook, and loves to serve on "real" dishes, so now the sink is always overflowing with pots and pans and other dishes

I miss having a clean bathroom :-/ Husbands, PLEASE aim your pee properly, and if you miss, CLEAN. IT. UP.


I'm sure there are other things I'll think of along the way

haha ok good to keep in mind thanks. If my husband pees on the floor he wont be doing that for long. I had male housemates who did that and I prayed and put my foot down so seriously they moved out lol. Some things I just will not tolerate.

 

[Inkachu]

Well, ya can't make the hubby move out just for missing the toilet now and then And you'll learn REALLY quickly that you can't just "not tolerate" stuff, because you can't control your spouse All you can do is express your views and feelings, and ask them to respect them. If they don't, what are you gonna do? You can keep revisiting the topic over and over until you're both frustrated and exhausted. Or you can just pick your battles and not make stuff a big deal. I tell my husband when I notice his little "gifts" in the bathroom, and he always apologizes, and I know he's sincere, but he's forgetful, and it'll keep happening. I'm not going to kick him out the house for it lol. I just remind him when it happens, and hope that someday.. maybe.. he thinks to stop and check and wipe up himself lol. It's not a battle that's worth going to war over

 

[LinkH]

Eat a plate of food without sharing a bite. Eat a plate of food without my wife putting any of her leftovers on my plate.

 

[LinkH]

Wake up 45 minutes before church, shower, get ready, and be there on time. The wife takes a bit longer, and so does getting the kids ready.

 

[fhl2014]

Eat a plate of food without sharing a bite. Eat a plate of food without my wife putting any of her leftovers on my plate.

Lol! Tell her to get her own plate!

 

[fhl2014]

From what I'm reading there are no majors. It sounds like everyone's pretty content and don't regret anything?

 

[ValleyGal]

From what I'm reading there are no majors. It sounds like everyone's pretty content and don't regret anything?

Or here's an idea of a different spin: What can you do married that you couldn't do single?

My answer would be go to bed with someone and spend 20 minutes in deep pillow talk as you fall asleep together. Or plan your dream vacation with your dream holiday partner. Or have someone hold you when you've had a terrible day. Or come home surprised to find a clean house and a romantic dinner on the table. Or share your thoughts, dreams, ideas, emotions, and life with. Or grow old with.

No....no regrets here. That said, the reason I have no regrets is that I married someone who is a well suited match for me and I for him.

 

[Kingsdotter]

Hi married peeps, so I'm having a serious realisation that once I get married that's it, I'm never going to just be doing life with me ever again and im wondering.. What will I miss? I don't particularly want to travel alone so I won't miss that, I can't afford to live without housemates as it is so I cant miss living alone... I'm outta ideas. From those who have made the switch, is there anything you had to give up or miss a little? Obviously you love your spouse so I'm not asking you to complain or feel bad about answering, I'd just like to get some advice on what to expect and what to make the most of now! Is there anything you wish someone told you to think about or enjoy before tying the knot?
ta

Here is what my friend says makes her miss her single life sometimes:
1) Sometimes she doesn't want to be woken up in the middle of the night by her husband when he wants some
2) The sleepless nights with a new born is tasking
3) Getting on with the IN-LAWS is a struggle
4) Freedom to do whatever she wants, whenever
5) Having all the free time to serve God
6) TEENAGERS!
7) More money to spend without accounting to anyone
8) Hanging out with the girls!
9) The endless house work feels like an endless routine!

 

[peckaboo]

I love being married and wouldn't go back to being single for the world. But there are some thing that change. I miss:
* Being selfish or lazy on occassion (e.g. cereal for dinner just because I don't feel like cooking)
* Spending money on travelling to places that I want to see but my husband has no interest in visiting
* Indulging aspects of my personality that my husband doesn't share (e.g. my obssessive need to be organised - he's very spontaneous and often springs things on my at the last minute)
* Not having in-laws!

But the list of things I gained by being married is about ten times as long as the list of things I lost

 

[fhl2014]

Great, thanks everyone! Two the two ladies above, perhaps you can still hang with the girls and travel somewhere without your man? Maybe not as often as single girls but could it be prepared for and scheduled in advance?

 

[LinkH]

1) Sometimes she doesn't want to be woken up in the middle of the night when he wants some

You can do that?

 

[Observer]

Life has had a lot of ups and downs for my husband and I. At times he has supported me financially and at times I have supported him. There have been lots of arguments and we've nearly separated. So marriage can certainly have its downsides but it depends how well you get along with the person you married, how well you work as a team. My husband and I are trying to work a lot on that now. So be picky about who you marry, make sure you marry someone with similar values, long term goals and lifestyle to you. Obviously you wouldn't marry someone who you feel really drags you down, makes you feel like you can never follow your dreams etc.

I get the sense that you feel afraid of the whole.. submission to your husband thing, feeling like you'd have to give up your independence? I had that before I got married. I wasn't even independent, but I just had this bad feeling about submitting, like it would make me less of a person, like it was degrading. But I prayed about it and gradually totally accepted it and I do find it adds more romance to the marriage when you treat your husband like he's the man of the house, by that I mean that you respect him as a leader. But that doesn't mean giving up who you are, giving up your job or lifestyle.. and he should respect you just as much. You should still feel equal as people.


My benefits of my marriage:

Having someone to cuddle, be romantic with and be intimate with

Having someone you trust is faithful to you and wouldn't cheat on you.. I never felt that with my ex boyfriends, I've only had that trust in my husband.

He is used to me and all my flaws, finds me attractive even though I have become out of shape lol

Having someone to cook and eat dinner with, come home to

Having someone to do things with.. my husband doesn't like a lot of the same things as me and we don't have any money to go out for dinner etc, but sometimes we go on walks and things like that

I've had financial support and lots of bills paid over the years (and I do that for him now, with our goal being that we both have stable jobs but he's having trouble finding a decent job)

My husband got me out of my shell and I do more in life now. Before I had a lot of social anxiety and didn't leave the house much. Getting married forced me to work after a while

I still have a lot of time to myself because my husband is a musician and spends a lot of time in his home studio. It doesn't bother me at all 99% of the time, cause I like doing my own thing sometimes.

Other stuff..

He takes way way longer to get ready than I do so I am always waiting on him and it makes us late a lot.

He often doesn't want to do things outside of the house when I want to

You have to consider another person's feelings before you do things or make choices