what could it be?

[Il Fenom]

what could it be?
I have a friend who is driving himself crazy trying to figure out if his girlfriend is truly a virgin. He confided in me that she had a phone sex thing with her ex boyfriend but because she said she had an experience with God she left relationship all together. He told me he asked her point blank whether she was or not a virgin and she apparently responded that she indeed was. What's killing my friend is that he perceives that she is quite knowledgeable with sexual matters and seems to enjoy to an uncomfortable degree for him sexually oriented jokes. I've told him to pray about it but, he gets impatient. What do I tell him? Is there a way to really tell? She seems like a sincere person so what do I do?

 

[Warrior Poet]

Tell your boy to man up and ask her himself....its his girlfriend...if hes that worried and it bothers him that much he need to speak his mind....sounds kinda like a bad situation and a bad relationship.

Warrior Poet

 

[DaveKerwin]

here here !

 

[msjones21]

Tell your boy to man up and ask her himself....its his girlfriend...if hes that worried and it bothers him that much he need to speak his mind.

I think he did ask her.

He told me he asked her point blank whether she was or not a virgin and she apparently responded that she indeed was

In my opinion the boyfriend is in the wrong. God holds this girl's past. If she says she is a virgin then the problem is not that the boyfriend cannot speak his mind, the problem is that he won't trust her. Even if she had been sexually active in the past if he loved her unconditionally he could look past that and realize God holds her past sins and she is a new creation in Christ. I think your friend needs to chill out and pray for peace.

 

[Warrior Poet]

He told me he asked her point blank whether she was or not a virgin and she apparently responded that she indeed was

This msjones is what we call a "male lie".......a lie is a lie is a lie....but the male gender has a "way" of doing it....its easy to spot when you know what they are....He didnt ask, so its time to man up.

Warrior Poet

 

[Mrs K 2004]

I definatly agree! The boyfriend needs to ask her; and if she says yes; then t hey need to discuss the phone sex... if she says no; then they need to discuss what else happened.

Then through prayer and thought he must decide if the relationship is saveable!

 

[Kathy]

Hi all...Why does the girl have to say whether she is a virgin or not? Whatever happened in her past is in her past....as long as she is true to him..what is the problem? She said she was a virgin,he ought to just leave it at that. If they get serious enough for marriage, now that would be time to ask questions....This is just how I feel....

 

[Megan]

what could it be?
I have a friend who is driving himself crazy trying to figure out if his girlfriend is truly a virgin. He confided in me that she had a phone sex thing with her ex boyfriend but because she said she had an experience with God she left relationship all together. He told me he asked her point blank whether she was or not a virgin and she apparently responded that she indeed was. What's killing my friend is that he perceives that she is quite knowledgeable with sexual matters and seems to enjoy to an uncomfortable degree for him sexually oriented jokes. I've told him to pray about it but, he gets impatient. What do I tell him? Is there a way to really tell? She seems like a sincere person so what do I do?

Tell your friend to decide to either trust his girlfriend (with the answer she has given him) or talk to her again about it. And this time sincerely tell her about his thought and doubts. But after that discussion he has to leave it because otherwise he is disrespectful to her and not trusting her. And that is not good in a relationship! And for a girl to "know" things about "sex" does not mean she has to have "practical" experience.

/Megan

 

[Warrior Poet]

Cause a realtionship is a two way street, if it matters to him it should matter to her. If he cant let it go then his bad and it shouldnt matter but it DOES matter, there is just something about your S.O. you should know.....just cause you know it doesnt mean you hold it againist them. How are you suppose to get close with someone when they keep a part of their life a secret....it DOESNT work that way.

Warrior Poet

 

[desi]

This msjones is what we call a "male lie".......a lie is a lie is a lie....but the male gender has a "way" of doing it....its easy to spot when you know what they are....He didnt ask, so its time to man up.

Warrior Poet

WP, with all due respect women tell lies too. The only way for him to know for sure is to sin with her or marry her and do the deed, unless it is verified by an MD. I'm told Dr's know how to check such things.

 

[JillLars]

There is no physical way to tell whether or not a woman is a virgin, people think you can just check the hymen but most women lose their hymen before they even reach puberty, whether they fall off the swingset or go horseback riding, very few women still have an intact hymen for their first time. A Dr. would be able to tell if its broken or not, but that doesn't mean she has had sex. If he doesn't feel like he can trust her when he asks her questions point blank, then that relationship needs some serious help. IMO

 

[YouthPastor]

Correct - It is impossible to conclusively say a woman is a virgin.

However, a Dr. "can" say that is is probable that she has not had sex or that it is probable that she has not - HOWEVER - it is not coclusive No DR. will say for sure.

Now if a girl still has the hymen - then sexual penetration has not happened - which means she is a virgin - BUT like Jill says - girls can lose them before puberty or even during.

WP - Reread the initial post - he says his friend asked asked her point blank if she was a virgin and she said she was.

As far as her knowledge of sexual matters - He knows she had phone sex with her ex boyfriend - Plus there are many ways a person can come up with the knowledge of sexual matters without actually having sex.

 

[Warrior Poet]

I have a friend who is driving himself crazy trying to figure out if his girlfriend is truly a virgin

.

He told me he asked her point blank whether she was or not a virgin and she apparently responded that she indeed was

.

Is there a way to really tell?

All these things have led me to believe he didnt ask. Maybe Im reading to much into it....but I will stick with my initial post he needs to ask for real. And yes women lie as well desi, not sure where you picked up I said they didnt....they just do it in a different mannor and go about it much different then we ,as men, do. All the advice given here is good stuff. If he did really ask then this is a very insecure young man, and this girl isnt helping the situation at this time.

Warrior Poet

 

[enslow]

In my opinion the boyfriend is in the wrong. God holds this girl's past. If she says she is a virgin then the problem is not that the boyfriend cannot speak his mind, the problem is that he won't trust her. Even if she had been sexually active in the past if he loved her unconditionally he could look past that and realize God holds her past sins and she is a new creation in Christ. I think your friend needs to chill out and pray for peace.

If, indeed, his only real question is whether or not she is a virgin, then he is in the wrong because it's clear to me that he did ask her and she answered it.

But I think his real question is different. It appears that there is something else he's uncomfortable with which will eat away at him so long as they continue with a relationship. His girlfriend still enjoys talking and joking about sex, and it's apparent this isn't going to change.

I would say that he has to decide if he can accept this behaviour in her or not. If this is something he cannot accept, she is not for him and and he should dump her.

Enslow