That is the beauty of difficult situations... the thing is.... even if you remarry, you'll find there is so much more to learn. We grow from glory to glory in life.
I think that marriage is a sharpening tool... you sink or swim... or maybe just connect in perfect harmony. It really puts us face to face with our selfishness and insecurities, our personal flaws... our unrealistic expectations or dissapointed expectations anyways. I went into marriage at the age of 20 thinking that it would make me happy... and expected my husband to be my prince charming who was always understanding... who was secure enough in himself to not be offended by my "flaws" and who would see past them in love to the true need and also desire and know how to meet that need. I thought it would be all about me.
I agree, but we have to be careful on where we place the thought unrealistic expectation. It is realistic to love yourself unconditionally, it is realistic to give what you want to give without expecting anything in return, and it is realistic to know that you must be willing to put yourself first before you can give to anyone else.
There is no such thing as flaws. the absurdity of people walking around in life believing they are flawed and God help the generous soul who decides to love them with all their flaws is one of the biggest problems we run into.
No one is flawed...
I may like to belch after dinner and scratch my behind as I walk to the bathroom to drop the kids off at the pool. Obnoxious? maybe... but flawed? That behavior would be disgusting in many homes and not tolerated, but not every home. Is it a flaw to be quirky, sensative, girly, tom-boy, angry... No, not a flaw, a flaw states that there is an imperfection and that is impossible.
First of all it's impossible for us to be imperfect, well that's my opinion. I believe God is perfect and everything that God creates is perfect, thus we can't help but be perfect. Many of us forget that and walk around criticising ourselves for our imperfection... Then we criticize others, especially when we want them to make us feel good about ourselves.
You're absolutely right, too many people go into a relationship with the need of someone telling them they are wonderful, great, beautiful, perfect, loved, whatever... only because they don't believe it in themselves, so they need someone to tell them, sometimes they'll ask for it over and over.
"you're so beautiful."
"No I'm not." Dramatically
"Yes... Yes you are, I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."
"You don't mean that."
"Really, you are..."
They could go on for ever...
The problem is that both sides put the burden of this obligation on the other party.
"Why don't you call me beautiful anymore?"
"Because you know how I feel."
The truth is "Because I got tired of trying to prove to you that you're beautiful and basically arguing with you every time I give you a compliment. Not to mention that I feel like you don't spend enough time showing me how beautiful I am. So, it's not fair if I do it and you don't."
This is just one of the many possible stresses people have in relationship.
One person feeling unwanted, the other feeling overwhelmed... I don't know, just seems silly to me.
People fall in love and then they decide their going to get bored with the relationship... Then they argue or decide to do stupid things to hurt one another. Then they get out of the relationship or they stay based on what everyone else thinks is good for them, usually these are the same ones that get into a relationship because it's what everyone thinks is good for them...
How about this...
You fall in love, you know with out a shadow of doubt that you love this person because they could walk out on you right now and you would still love them. That is called unconditional love, they can do anything and you will love them and not expect anything from them.
Now, if you come from a place of lack of love within yourself you may say "Yeah but, that would hurt and I would be angry."
I don't think so and I speak from my own experience. When you love yourself so much that nothing can hurt you, then you know you can truly love unconditionally. You would not commit to a relationship that did not serve you in the way you love yourself. You would not settle, and your heart would be pouring with love. At that point you would know that if someone was willing to leave you, They have the right to choose what their fate is. God gave us free will but we spend most of it trying to control someone else and allowing others to control us.
well, this is a really deep subject and way beyond the scope of this thread.
