What are your biggest struggles being CF?

[Audiomechanic]

As the title says, what are the biggest struggles you face being child-free by choice?

For us, it's loneliness. Since we live in Texas, part of the south, not having kids is darn near a punishable sin down here! Kids are just something you do and the mindset is so engrained here in the south, that there are very very few like us. In fact, we don't personally (outside the internet) know anyone else who is CFBC. A lot of our friends are starting to have kids or already do, and the remaining friends that don't want them in the future, so none of our friends can echo our mindset and viewpoints towards kids. We are an island. And it's very lonely. Add to that, that our parent friends are always busy with their kids or other parents doing parent things. We get left out a lot. Whole lot. We hang out with friends maybe once every 3 months. If that. Otherwise, it's just us two, and it's lonely.

What struggles do you face?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I know its one of the reasons why I became so angry at the world when trying to find someone. I felt like women judged me based on not wanting kids, even if I said adoption could work they didn't like it. It does feel like an island. With my fiance we know some other couples who have long distance relationships. They all want bundles of kids and when the question came out about kids to us, people starting talking less to us. Its like we have the plague.

It does seem to be a stereotype that if you don't have/want children then there must be something wrong with you (especially as a christian). Which probably has something to do with that passage about go forth and multiply. I hear that many times that I must not be a good christian since I don't listen to that passage. People forget we all have things we can/can't handle. Just as some are called to ministry, some aren't.

I think the even worse pain is when people talk down to you like "Why would you want to miss out on the joy of children? Don't you care?". :o I love children, I mean LOVE THEM. It kills me that for now its to hard for me to have any. Its like telling a woman whos unable to get pregnant that she must not care enough despite the fact she has heath problems.

When I get married maybe we can move by you so theres another couple we can be friends with that won't freak out that we don't want kids lol. Keep your head up and realize there are couples out there that like you. I'll be praying people are more accepting of your situation!

 

[snoochface]

I feel like I have lucked out more than other CFs. Many of my friends got married in their late 20s or early 30s so I wasn't losing friends to kids with the rapidity of a lot of other people. And I married a guy who was older than me, had had a vasectomy already, and had two grown girls, so I had a lot of built-in reasons that I could hand out to people who got too nosy with me. Now, a lot of my friends have kids who are going to college or already on their own, so it's not so much an issue now either.

Probably the biggest struggle I have is with people who just don't get it, or who think I hate their kids because I don't like kids in general and didn't want them for myself. They can't wrap their minds about a woman in her mid-40s who isn't having regrets about not having children. Sometimes it's like they are waiting for the regret to hit me so they can smirk and say I told you so. But generally, I don't allow those people to have much space in my life, so even that isn't as big a problem as it could be.

 

[Verve]

I don't think we have any struggles. There are plenty of people who don't have kids at our church.

 

[Purge187]

Finding a mate.

I hope you married CF couples thank God every day for what you have, because a CF mate in the church--or anywhere else, for that matter--is a rare find. It's really not much fun anymore to be the only person in church or at the dinner table on a holiday who's not with someone. It sucks, in fact.

 

[Verve]

Finding a mate.

I hope you married CF couples thank God every day for what you have, because a CF mate in the church--or anywhere else, for that matter--is a rare find. It's really not much fun anymore to be the only person in church or at the dinner table on a holiday who's not with someone. It sucks, in fact.

If it makes you feel any better I had the conversation with a few boyfriends back in the day. I think women who don't want to have babies are a mystery to men who do and men who don't want to have babies...sadly...are pinned as being unloving.

I've heard women say that before too. That the man didn't love her enough to want her to have his children. It's creepy how much more personally some women seem to take it than men.

 

[Ascendo]

It's frustrating having pushy people at church not leave my wife and me alone when they find out we don't have kids. We don't want kids and cannot have them. Don't condescendingly respond how we're immature and it's a phase. Especially don't say things like, "I'll pray that you can conceive..."

 

[Purge187]

It's frustrating having pushy people at church not leave my wife and me alone when they find out we don't have kids. We don't want kids and cannot have them. Don't condescendingly respond how we're immature and it's a phase. Especially don't say things like, "I'll pray that you can conceive..."

Very disrespectful, especially if you're medically incapable of having kids--it's like rubbing salt into the wound.

I remember telling my pastor that I didn't want kids, and he responded by saying that that was okay. He's a good man.