what are we setting ourselves up for?

[yonderboy]

Another thought passing through my mind:
Having casual sex, sex without safety and commitment, or being sexually active which includes sex acts other than intercourse, holds no candle to the glorious coming together of a man and his wife when they become one flesh in marriage. Having had casual sex before (I was not in a love relationship with either guy- another sad fact) and now having repented of it and praying over it and seeking help and healing... I can confidently say that all I now desire is the union of my body, soul, and mind with my (maybe someday) husband. Sex has -meaning-. It means something- even if we don't say it does. And my misuse of it has held me back from a lot of things. But oh the <b>joy</b> of saving this newfound meaning of sex for my husband. I was urged to pray for him, whoever he might be, that he might have the same mind as Christ about how to love a wife with a past.

And I think those of you who are afraid perhaps of what may be going on in your spouse's mind during sex... consider this: you are joining yourself with someone who has never been joined to anyone else before, even if they've had sex. In marriage, you are now more like God's true self, fully male and fully female. And God rejoices over your union.

No new revelation, but it made sense in my head.

Your honesty and candor are beautiful... so is the thought that sex in a union with someone you really love, your husband, will be totally different than anything in your past. Thanks for sharing It kind of helped me to think about my own struggles in a new light.

 

[William Nunn]

relantionships, loosing their full potential for intimacy, and we sin ourselves by judging. remember that god holds us to the standards we use for others... by all means, if you've never sinned there's a nice looking stone for you to throw right over there...

By this post I'm assuming you have a past as well? Maybe not, but this seems to be the type of response I get from people who do. You'll notice nowhere in my post did I say I was judging her or better than her or less sinful. But the sexual relationship I will have won't hold the same meaning. Yes, it will be beautiful, yes, I will love it, but there will always be the pain of knowing that I saved myself and she didn't, that there is a man who has an emotional conection with MY WIFE that I cannot replace. Even if a woman says she doesn't look at sex the same way, she is almost always going to remember her first, even if it was a horrible experience. Look at it like this...

If you were to propose to a woman and gave her a ring that you gave to four other women first - do you think it would bother her? Perhaps there's a few that it wouldn't bother, but for the most part, they'd be hurt or even downright insulted. The ring wouldn't be as special. And you wouldn't make it any better by telling her that it didn't mean anything with those other women, it was only special with her. How would she know that it was different now? All she would have is your word that it's different, and as we've seen in almost every situation in recorded history, even the most noble human beings can lie or slip up.

So don't take as it me thinking I'm better or anything, I know I'm not. If I thought that way, I'd break off my engagment and look for a virgin, but I love my fiancee and know that we will be very happy together. It still hurts though, because it will be a long time, if ever, before I feel that special level of intimacy with her that I want to share with my wife.

 

[equity]

where grace abounds mercy abounds, life is not always the way you want it to be, sometimes people expect you to be giants when you can not even walk. I have known of situations where people have not been proud of what they have done, and it's not the easiest thing in the world nowing angd living with the fact that you've litterly given away one of the most preciouse (pearls to swine) gift that was given to you.
We just got to start loving one another for real. everyone makes mistakes, but if dont forgive one another how far we gonna get.
Being robbed is not a lovely experince so dont make people feel like prostitues, how did magdalen feel when jesus forgave her and stood up for, there is a lovely verse in the bible that speakes of my WARRIOR stands beside me.
In this we have all in our own ways become like magdalene's but we should learn the love the christ of whom we are diciples of, so that we dont become a part of the cause but share in one others joy.

God say's cast your burdens on to him,
Lovingly he calls us, daily, he never gives up so! can we give up ourselves so that we stop getting robbed of a lovely soulmate that got caught out in the storm of life.

Be blessed
Equity

 

[plum]

i don't mean this to be a smart-**** comment, but:

thank goodness Christ doesn't hold back in his intimacy with me because of my immense sins.
I am so short of his kind of love for me.

 

[William Nunn]

i don't mean this to be a smart-**** comment, but:

thank goodness Christ doesn't hold back in his intimacy with me because of my immense sins.
I am so short of his kind of love for me.

Amen to that.

And I want to apologize for how sour thos posts of mine sounded. I stand by the points I made, but I could've done it in a more civil manner. I was in a bad mood (*grumble* gross roommate) and let it effect my posts. Sorry.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Marrying a nonvirgin is like marrying a fat person, or somone who smokes. It is an indicator of the choices the person has made and may make in the future. I've found judging people by their past choices is much safer that taking them at face value because they often are ignorant to or intentionally minimize their faults. If we do not judiciously screen the people we invite into our intimate lives we set ourselves up for disaster.

Wow desi, I have to say, that was the first post by you that actually offended me.
First of all, I am a nonvirgin. I have only been a christian for 2 years and hey I had a wild past, I cant forget about it, and its comments like yours that continue to make me believe that I will never be worthy of a Godly man because I am a nonvirgin.

"marrying a nonvirgin is like marrying a fat person, or someone who smokes. It is an indicator of the choices the person has made and may make in the future"

Let me just say OUCH! Uh hello first of all I took that as a hit towards nonvirigns and also towards people who may be "fat" by the worlds standards. I would be considered "fat" by the worlds standards. Im not a size 4. Not even close, try clsoer to 12.

Oh and how is that an indivator of choices I might make again? Really. I am a sold out to God christian and I would never ever ever immagine sleeping with anyone now. SO I dont think that our past will influence us. Yiesh.

Mayeb I am taking this waaaaaay to farr but I am actually really offended. If you meant osmthing different by your post please by all means correct yourself.

 

[yonderboy]

lets all just agree that we've all fallen short, and were saved by grace and faith, that jesus loves us all equally, and that we're here to edify each other, not bicker

peace and love

 

[equity]

People what are we chasing after! when all is said and done why such a hunger for perfection when no one but God alone is.

Please Please for your sake for your Freinds, Family and the rest of the population let's get it together as christian, Love is greater then all things and when it is practiced it is more powerful then all things, it's the gift of love that reaches the heavens, and allows us to be one as a body of christ.

Yes some people fall but we must be carefull also in that we don't push others along the way.

The word say's comfort my people.

It's like this if a person came to your house and you had a white carpet and they walk into your house with dirty feet because they've been on a long journey, do you humiliate them or welcome them because they came this far and wash there feet/ or as in these dayz show them where the bath is at.

A person is a beautiful creature in it self! if you wanna see whats beautiful and poetic take the time to get to no a human being seeing past their faults.( that is the begining of the washing).

I no to some this sounds very idealistic but WE ARE CHRISTIANS! we gotta keep on changing so that we can reclame what was lost,taken, the word say's we have been given the authority to overcome all things and to be a light, in the darkness surely does it all not start at home.

Sorry if i've offended anyone but I just felt i must speak my piece, GOd is Good Jesus loves us enough that we are call by his name, thus we all belong in one family. We tarnish the body of christ by not loving one another. so who ever you are I hope one day I can give you all a Big Holy Hug because we are linked to each other by blood.
lots of love Equity

 

[desi]

Look, I know I have offended people by what I posted. I stand by it and apply it to myself. I married a nonvirgin and my wife did too. We are happily married by the grace of God for 9 years. There are statistics out which show a clear indication that virgins divorce less and respect each other more ( measured by various standards). Judging people by their past is the safest way to live our lives because a person's past actions is how they have chosen to define themselves. If a born again Christian former convicted child molester wanted to watch my children I would not let them. If a born again Christian former convicted embezzler wanted to manage my (nonexistant) retirement fund I would not let them. The same goes for other areas of my life. By failing to judge wisely which people I invite into my and my families' life I expose myself and those I love to potential harm, you do too. God's grace and judgement is much better than mine because he can look into our hearts to discern our sincerity; alas, I cannot so I must judge based on the best predictor I know of, past actions.

 

[chris320]

Look, I know I have offended people by what I posted. I stand by it and apply it to myself. I married a nonvirgin and my wife did too. We are happily married by the grace of God for 9 years. There are statistics out which show a clear indication that virgins divorce less and respect each other more ( measured by various standards).

Even though he offended people, Desi has a point. Alot of people on this form seem to think that when they get married, they will never be as promiscuous as they are now, or were. And this is true, for the first couple years. But, after a person has had had sex with their mate hundreds of time in a marriage relationship, many get tired of continually WORKING to improve their marriage, and instead start looking around for the variety they were used to before marriage. That's why I say that unless someone breaks the cycle of promiscuity before marriage, this promiscuity will eventually show up after marriage.

-Chris320

 

[vibrant]

Look, I know I have offended people by what I posted. I stand by it and apply it to myself. I married a nonvirgin and my wife did too. We are happily married by the grace of God for 9 years. There are statistics out which show a clear indication that virgins divorce less and respect each other more ( measured by various standards). Judging people by their past is the safest way to live our lives because a person's past actions is how they have chosen to define themselves. If a born again Christian former convicted child molester wanted to watch my children I would not let them. If a born again Christian former convicted embezzler wanted to manage my (nonexistant) retirement fund I would not let them. The same goes for other areas of my life. By failing to judge wisely which people I invite into my and my families' life I expose myself and those I love to potential harm, you do too. God's grace and judgement is much better than mine because he can look into our hearts to discern our sincerity; alas, I cannot so I must judge based on the best predictor I know of, past actions.

well desi, finally agree with you a bit.

it actually has a technical term: bbi, if remember correctly. behaviour-based index. past behaviour is a good indicator of future ones.

 

[yonderboy]

That's why I say that unless someone breaks the cycle of promiscuity before marriage, this promiscuity will eventually show up after marriage.
-Chris320

no doubt about it - that's where the repentance comes in. you change your attitude, your behavior, and your heart through jesus. after that, your past is still your past, but you've learned from it, put it behind you, and been transformed by grace and faith.

 

[vibrant]

no doubt about it - that's where the repentance comes in. you change your attitude, your behavior, and your heart through jesus. after that, your past is still your past, but you've learned from it, put it behind you, and been transformed by grace and faith.

one thing i really admire about some people on here is their ability to simultaneously make peace with their past (indiscretions) but recognize the seriousness of it, and how it may affect their next partner.

sometimes i feel as though the "i've put my past behind me" thing is used to render the actions of the past as trivial, unimportant, and unserious.

 

[William Nunn]

Look, I know I have offended people by what I posted. I stand by it and apply it to myself. I married a nonvirgin and my wife did too. We are happily married by the grace of God for 9 years. There are statistics out which show a clear indication that virgins divorce less and respect each other more ( measured by various standards). Judging people by their past is the safest way to live our lives because a person's past actions is how they have chosen to define themselves. If a born again Christian former convicted child molester wanted to watch my children I would not let them. If a born again Christian former convicted embezzler wanted to manage my (nonexistant) retirement fund I would not let them. The same goes for other areas of my life. By failing to judge wisely which people I invite into my and my families' life I expose myself and those I love to potential harm, you do too. God's grace and judgement is much better than mine because he can look into our hearts to discern our sincerity; alas, I cannot so I must judge based on the best predictor I know of, past actions.

Thank you DESI, for putting into words what I could not. Despite our salvation and forgiveness for out past, we are still human, and retain many of our weaknesses - if sex was a weakness before salvation, it very well can be afterwards. It's forgotten in the eyes of the Lord, but, unfortaunately, none of us are a great as Him so we have to use other factors to pick our spouses or anyone else we get close to.

 

[William Nunn]

sometimes i feel as though the "i've put my past behind me" thing is used to render the actions of the past as trivial, unimportant, and unserious.

Again, something I've been trying to say but just couldn't state it correctly. Boy, I need to get some classes in eloquence from you guys! I know that my past is forgiven in the eyes of the Lord, but I still have to deal with the earthly consequences of what I've done. It may not be the way we want it to be, but that's just the way it is.

 

[Mother Vashti]

There are statistics out which show a clear indication that virgins divorce less and respect each other more ( measured by various standards).

Did the same study show that fat people and smokers divorce more?

You may be fit, and you may have married chaste, ...but if you've proven anything in this thread, it's that physical appearance and chastity are only skindeep. A person with those benefits can still be sour and judgemental.

 

[holo]

Probably not, but if that was studied, they'd probably find that fat people, even if they'd been thin for years, would be more prone to get fat again at a later time. Just like with smokers. If you never smoked, you probably won't light your first cigarette when you're 30. But if you quit smoking, even if it was years and years ago, the chances are so much greater that you'll do it again.

 

[plum]

well, that sure is the picture without Christ in it.

 

[William Nunn]

well, that sure is the picture without Christ in it.

Nobody is doubting that our lives are changed and our pasts are forgiven us through Christ, but most still retain their old weaknesses - even if they are greatly reduced because of their new lifestyle.