What about being "too" intelligent?

[Fatolia]

A lot of the ladies on this forum stand by the idea that they are attracted to intelligent men. Yet would you consider it possible for a guy to be "too" intelligent?

I've been with several female friends and on several dates, and many times the gals bring up the notion that I'm a "genius." While it is true God's gifted me in several areas, and academically I was in the top 10% of my college class, I often feel my predisposition to straightforward and "absoute" logic sends me into another time zone when it comes to dates. (In no way am I trying to lift myself up at all....just intellectual differences here).

The matter of fact is that I often talk over their heads without even realizing it. And then these girls make me yawn so much with their lack of stimulating discussion. I feel that particular difference is very unattractive to women. What do you think?

 

[SallyNow]

Many people try to be very modest during a first date. Perhaps, without realizing it, you are being a little-how can I say this?- forward? I do not mean to say you are trying to show anyone up, just that perhaps you need to keep your more rare interests in check until someone knows you better.
Perhaps, your discussions are boring to the girls for the same reason they bore you.

Grades don't tell the whole story. You may be smart in some areas; the girls you are dating may be smart in other areas. They have have different kinds of intelligences.

Where do you meet the girls you date? Ones from similiar interests, although they may not be as "cool" could perhaps be a better idea. Girls with very different interests may just not be for you. If they want a man with lots of practical knowledge (for instance, a highly skilled contractor, who may be as smart as you, but without the same sort of academic backgroud), one who has more book knowledge may not be for them.

I think that perhaps finding girls with similiar intrests, engaging is discusions equally, and being modest will help. Don't change who you are, just remember that if you let it all hang out on a first date, it can be very overwhelming.

Perhaps and example will help: I can talk about Canadian political theory in ways that can confuse my parents a little (and they are both very intelligent and educated). But my dad knows about literature than I do, and no one can help resolve a problem better than my mom.

Also, when I meet someone and try to talk to them, I try to explain what I am talking about, so they can join in on the conversation, and not be "talked over". I think that helps-giving explanations.

And, also think of the differences: Say you are dating a nursing student. Now, she will undoubtably be very intelligent. She will have much knowledge on medicine, caretaking, sociology, psychology, biology, etc. And say you are in engineering, and know electrical, structurual, and computer engineering. Both of you could talk over each other's heads about our own specialties. But a better strategy would be to talk about other issues, and slowly introduce the complicated concepts of what you are both learning.

I hope this helps a little. If not, I really can't offer a refund of time. Sorry.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

It seems in my life I've met two kinds of people....very smart and very dumb. The latter of which mostly live in my hometown. I am turned off by the extremely dumb and kind of intimidated by the very smart. I think I fall somewhere in between. My education is only a bachelor's degree (and a worthless one in my opinion) and it's been seven years since I obtained that expensive piece of paper. This is my theory based on personal experience: When you are devoid of intelligent interaction you get into a pattern of superficial, meaningless chatter. When you do meet someone who's obviously above-average intelligence, you're kind of taken aback. You're caught off guard. Kind of like being unprepared for that big test, so to speak. Personally I tend to back away for fear they'll find me stupid. I guess for me it's a self-esteem issue. The even more sad thing is that I feel I have 'dumbed down' for the sake of communicating with my peers in my home town. It's so pathetic that even the limited things I discuss can sometimes be over someone's head. You know the saying...if you don't use it, you lose it. I guess maybe I've lost it. :-(

 

[Psalms34]

Wisdom > Intellect
Intellect < Wisdom

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Another theory: great intellect - developed social skills = bad conversations

(some may say I fall into this category)

 

[Psalms34]

Another theory: great intellect - developed social skills = bad conversations

(some may say I fall into this category)

great intellect (minus)- developed social skills =

 

[christiankate]

Intelligent dosn't make the slightest bit of difference to me. I don't care if they are smart or not, just so long as they are a nice person. I look at their hear not their minds.

 

[Silver Speak]

Woe, most guys I've met seem to be from the other end: they don't appear very intelligent and, yes, bore me. I'm not saying I'm the most intellectual person I know; maybe these guys are indeed smart and all but they choose to talk about nonsense....?

Then again, they do say intelligent people often lack social skills.... I'm not saying I believe you do (hey, I never even talked to you) but maybe your conversations are a bit too heave for a first date. I mean, as much as I do like to talk about sociology, philosophy and whatnot, I'd rather stick to more 'casual' (not sure what's the right word to use here) issues on a date.

It sort of sounds like you never really gave them a chance. Sometimes the person isn't what you think she is. It takes time to really get to know someone. I don't really believe first impressions are so important

 

[Fatolia]

Don't be so hard on yourself.

It seems in my life I've met two kinds of people....very smart and very dumb. The latter of which mostly live in my hometown. I am turned off by the extremely dumb and kind of intimidated by the very smart. I think I fall somewhere in between. My education is only a bachelor's degree (and a worthless one in my opinion) and it's been seven years since I obtained that expensive piece of paper. This is my theory based on personal experience: When you are devoid of intelligent interaction you get into a pattern of superficial, meaningless chatter. When you do meet someone who's obviously above-average intelligence, you're kind of taken aback. You're caught off guard. Kind of like being unprepared for that big test, so to speak. Personally I tend to back away for fear they'll find me stupid. I guess for me it's a self-esteem issue. The even more sad thing is that I feel I have 'dumbed down' for the sake of communicating with my peers in my home town. It's so pathetic that even the limited things I discuss can sometimes be over someone's head. You know the saying...if you don't use it, you lose it. I guess maybe I've lost it. :-(

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Dont' worry.
There are plenty of girls out there who are so smart that they have brains falling out of their pockets. You'll run into some and they'll rock your socks.

Also, stimulating conversation is subjective to a degree. Some girls may not be interested in the beauty of computer hardware, nor may you as well. But I know a gamer chick who builds her own rigs.
I love guns, but doubt many people would find conversations about handguns an enjoyable conversation.
Finding a common ground is necessary.

 

[Sketcher]

I figure if she thinks I'm a genius, she must be pretty dumb. I know God's given me a decent mind, but I like women who have good heads on their shoulders and we can have the mutual respect thing going. If I'm miles ahead of her in smartness, chances are she won't stimulate me. Not that I don't want to teach her some things and enrich her life, but I'd like some mental stimulus from her as well.

 

[the_man]

You know what, I use to think the same thing. A lot of women bore me, but then I realized it's because I dont' give them a ghost of a chance. If they are not intelligent in the things that I'm intelligent in, then I write them off. This is a mistake. Given the chance, a woman can fascinate you with her intelligence, it might not come from the same place you are thinking it should come.

 

[Sketcher]

I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

 

[mina]

Intelligence is important to me. However dates aren't really about showing off all your head knowledge. Intelligence coupled with likeablility , humility , and able to converse w/o trying to make the other person feel stupid or test the other person's intellegence is really attractive. The girl may just be nervous or whatever. True intellegence is measured over time, not just a one time conversation on one date. Find out what she is interested in, find out her passions; the things that she is really smart about- and then ask her about them. Intelligence is not about grades in school or how well you do on tests in school.

 

[the_man]

I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

Your welcome. It wasn't directed at you though. Actually I hadn't read your post until now.

 

[Fatolia]

What? Girls get nervous on dates? Nah...

The girl may just be nervous or whatever. True.

I realize what you're saying. But for me it's not about social skills...I just see beauty in math, patterns, discreet logic, and it forces me to think in a very "black and white" manner I suppose. I don't see any grays anywhere, just complex matrices of miniscule black and whites. I guess that turns some people off.

 

[mina]

and you talk about that on dates????? A girl wants to get to know your personality on a date- she wants to see a fun side to you, not an always serious and calculating side. It's wonderful that God created you to think in this way, but maybe you don't need to be so focused on yourself during a date. It is possible to show a fun side of yourself, while being intelligent at the same time. Like I said try to understand her, focus on her and her intrests, ask her questions about her. The date isn't just about you. If you want to go on a date just to talk about yourself and your intrests, then yes she is going to be bored. Maybe she is intelligent enough , but is bored because she wants to be on a date with a man she can relate to, not to get an intellectual lecture from. Maybe show your intelligence in other ways.

 

[the_man]

and you talk about that on dates?????

Good question

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I must say I wouldn't date a guy who used language I couldn't understand - I know a few guys who when they talk I have to ask them to talk in plain english and ask what some of the words they are using actually mean - it wouldn't be fun to date someone like that!!! Although I would like to date someone who I could have an actual conversation with - and maybe debate a little bit

 

[Tink]

I think it's important to have someone who is around the same level of intelligence as you are. Just remember that no one wants someone who can't be silly from time to time. At least, I don't. HA! Boredom is not conducive to a future marriage, in my opinion.

In His love,
Tink