Not only is this vague new-age mumbo jumbo, but he's contradicting himself, as he has stated elsewhere on his blog that he believes that nobody has ever reached full enlightenment. The wording of this paragraph shows that this guy clearly has NOT gotten past the emotional trauma inflicted upon him as a child.".
Let me first say that after years of reading similiar material, this man's thoughts are much more acceptable. I have dedicated years of researching child development and psychology and the more I read, the more I am aware of how
subtly a parent can negatively influence their child.
I don't agree with this point of enlightenment as much as this man does. I like a lot of what he says since he highlights the need of awareness and action.
Anyone who feels that their life is, in actuality, "complete", is wrong. Your life is complete when you're dead. While he is right about bringing children into the world to meet your own needs, that has nothing to do with one's life being 'complete'.".
Many times, a person may feel empty and incomplete in later life and they assume it is because they don't have children. This may be true but the motivation should not be their to fill an emptiness. A person should inquire more of why he or she feels incomplete.
That's truly bizarre and again is a product of his own emotional trauma. "Your child will not love you"? What, like, ever? Really? Maybe HE didn't love his parents, but that's his issue.".
I perceive him saying that a child doesn't want to feel used for a parent's need for love/approval. He wants to have his needs validated and mirrored.
Agreed with the premise that single people should not try to have kids, but once he starts talking about 'painful limits' and 'abandonments' he loses me. He assumes that EVERYBODY has the same limits and abandonments that he once had.".
He believes every person, as a child, as the same basic needs and issues with abandonment. Since a single parent cannot be at home most of the time, a child will certainly feel abandoned.
This is not only idiotic, it's representative of the American worship of individualism at the expense of family. For someone who has been through the same emotional trauma that he has, then sure, but for everyone else, no. He's broadly painting everyone with the same brush that he himself was painted with.".
In the realm of psycholanalytical psychology, an adult cannot fully comprehend and experience the wounds of childhood if one is emotionally or physically close with their parents. I can definitely bear witness to this as both my sisters, close with mother, have not made the emotional/mental strides as I have. When I look around me, many times the adult children who are the closest with their parents are the least successful and/or most psychologically wounded.
Hiring help to do ALL of the raising of your child is different than hiring help to assist with childcare. If two parents work, then it's absolutely necessary, and not all parents are called to have one staying at home. In fact, hiring help can be beneficial for a child, who might otherwise not experience having an authority figure or caretaker besides a parent, or a teacher, and whose parents are good parents.".
I believe it is best that a parent, particularly the mother, raise the child without assistance. However, what if a family has sextuplets? Obviously, hired help is needed and the workload needs to be multiplied. I, myself, would like more details on this point.
Again, idiotic. Even when a pregnancy is a mistake, 9 months is more than enough time to reconcile with the realities that you're going to be a parent, and to ready one's self for it.".
Not all mothers know at the beginning of nine months. Time is not necessarily the factor here but the mental anguish of having a child and not wanting him or her. This may come and go through pregnancy and a child's life but I believe a child will find out, in some way, that he or she wasn't truly wanted. Some people a mother's emotions during pregnancy can already have a negative/positive affect on a child's journey throughout life. If a mother is constantly wrestling with the fact of having a child, while pregnant, I cannot see how this is can be positive on the hormonal cycling of the fetus.
Flawed and borderline Scientologist. Someone who drinks a beer once or twice a week or smokes a pack every week or 2 isn't automatically a less-fit parent for it. An alcoholic or a 2 pack a day smoker is a different story, but obviously, he didn't specify that. As for the anti-depressants ... sure, they are quite overprescribed in this day and age, but there are those who truly do have a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected, and just because the author is NOT one of these people, doesn't mean that nobody else is.".
Of all the points this man makes, I agree wholeheartly with this one. If you must take a substance, for whatever reason, it is unwise to have children. Since you are attempting to silence a feeling/thought, it is considered an inadequate coping skill. Like he said, you are "abandoning parts of yourself," by doing this.
If you need to be prescribed medication for mental health issues, your level of consistency of mood and action is extremely jeopordized. However, people don't take child rearing seriously and have children anyway. Too often, there is a script that must follow one's life and this includes" must have children."
More new age mumbo jumbo and half-truths. If you DON'T WANT CHILDREN, then don't have them. But you can certainly be unsure at the time of procreation (even if you are leaning towards having children) and sure at the time of birth.".
Bottom line: First of all, this man doesn't have children. I'd trust the opinion of a Roman about Rome before I'd trust a Wikipedia enthusiast who has never been to Rome. Second, he is painting everybody with the same brush that he himself is painted with due to his own childhood traumas, but his writings clearly show that he has no ability to look outside of his own universe. Not to mention, his new-agey eastern perspective gets in the way of a lot of those pesky "facts".[/quote]
He is not only speaking of his own experience but that of counseling and studying child psychology for many years. He certainly has some authority on the subject. His experiences have been highlighted by his awareness and through this awareness, he can "see" what other people cannot. Certain people have psychological insights of talent. I think its fair to say anything can be skewed or biased upon. But, that should automatically rule something out.
"My writings might sound like I am setting the bar impossibly high for parents. Good! I am. For most parents I set the bar impossibly high because most parents have absolutely no business having children. On their deep emotional levels they can barely take care of themselves, and still ARE emotional children themselves. The horror taking place in our world is enough proof of this!"
