What I don't understand is why this church doesn't make these requirements known right up front. Issuing a simple pamphlet and making it available, as non-denominational churches routinely do with their doctrinal statements and practices, would have allowed Oneder Woman's family to come to a decision without suffering any hurt or bewilderment whatsoever.
I think it's unethical to welcome them and encourage them to be involved and then lower the boom on them in the way that this church did when they could have made their standards for their members perfectly clear at the outset.
Because of the way the church went about this, I don't think Oneder Woman is overracting
one bit.
Let's take Eldermike as an example. I don't know him as well as I'd like, but he is obviously an open, welcoming and ethical man; he has been very kind and patient with me, never leaping to the conclusions others sometimes do about me here, and I imagine his church as being equally forbearing, so that no matter what standards are set for its members, new members are made aware of them as soon as possible as possible.
Standards do vary, even among very conservative churches, and I can't imagine any church not wanting to make such strict standards clear from the get-go. CF itself makes every effort to do this, and doing so makes it easier for all of us, mods (elders) and members alike.
It's not that this church has such strict standards which bothers me, but that this method by which they're "revealed" at a later time is slipshod at best, and unethical at worst.
I smoke myself, and I quit while attending Bible college, but I knew that not smoking there was a requirement, along with others, before I chose it. That's only fair, just as it was only fair that I adhere to them as best I could, and it saved me much potential hurt and bewilderment to have those standards clearly laid out for me in advance. It was good for everyone, teachers and students, to have such issues out of the way so that we could all get on with teaching and learning.
Btw, we were only required to refrain from smoking on campus, but I felt that the spirit of the law was best followed by quitting entirely,even though that wasn't expected of us students.
Another poster here seemed to be expressing the opinion that everyone can quit smoking at the drop of a hat, but that's not true of most smokers, and OW's husband could be better helped in this effort by having the support of his church as he struggles to do so, not its condemnation.
OW, with your permission, I will pray for your husband that he win his battle; I know it's one he can win if he doesn't lose heart and that God will help him, but any man who works so hard to benefit his church immediately after first attending should be treasured there, whether he smokes at home, or not. Anyone who cares to look up the statistics knows that women are most active in outreaches and church affairs of all kinds, and outnumber men in attendance, too.
I applaud him, and if OW's family lived in my area, I would be thrilled to invite them to my church, and would fervently hope that they would love it enough to make it their home!
