Weird problem...help please

[NightFire411]

I am a 19 [almost 20] year old biological female. I have some kind of issue and I don't even know what it is. I will try to explain.

All my life I have found myself emotionally attracted to men....Feminine men no doubt...but still men. But that's not even the beginning of my issue..

You see, I can't have sex with men...NOT because I'm not attracted to them physically..but because I am too jealous of them. I am jealous that men get to have a penis and I don't. <edit>
I use to get so angry about this that I would cry myself to sleep and have outbursts of anger.

Also, I don't like being in the "feminine" role of a relationship. I want to be the pursuer, the romancer.
I wanna be the "man" of a relationship. And this has nothing to do with a "control issue". I simply feel like it fits me better. It comes natural and I feel it is more me.

Now my problem is...this is causing me a lot of anger and self loathing. I just don't know why I am feeling this way and it is causing me a lot of distress.

I REFUSE to have any kind of intimacy with a guy because it feels so wrong that I will break down in tears <edit>. I have NEVER been sexually abused so that is not the issue.

I will never be able to have an intimate relationship with a man as long as he puts me in a "female" role. I just will not do it.

What is wrong with me?

 

[raven1]

Are you seeing a therapist. They could help you understand better. sexuality is so complex and there is often no rhyme or reason for any of it. So try not to beat yourself up.

 

[Johnnz]

Accept who you are. Not all females are 'feminine'. You can be yourself, and still identify as a female without compromising who you are. You might need to re-examine any teaching you have received about a women's 'role' though.

John
NZ

 

[Broccoli rabe]

What is wrong with that? I am sure there are many men who would love to not always have to be the aggressor

 

[hwyangel]

What is wrong with that? I am sure there are many men who would love to not always have to be the aggressor

I agree. ^^^^

 

[HumanistKat]

It sounds like you are struggling with transgender issues. I suggest you see your GP, who can refer you to a specialist. If you have indeed been born in the wrong body, then you will have to live in a woman's body for a year or so but dress and act as a man before you can get a sex change. Good luck and I really hope you find peace with yourself, whatever body you decide to have

 

[Tolerant Skeptic]

Determine whether you simply don't like the gender roles society has ridiculously come up with over the years, or if you legitimately do desire to be a man. Your statements about being envious about their genitalia seems to imply that you am be transexual, but the issue is often quite murky, and is not a title that should be thrown about without consideration. Your attraction to men does not negate your possibility of being transexual, as quite a few transexual indivuals are initially attracted to the opposite of their birth-assigned sex.

If you simply don't like the commonly held views on how a woman should behave, then ai would encourage you act as you truly see fit. If you feel at heart that you are a man, or should have been born a man, then you should determine whether you can be content simply living as a man trapped inside a woman's body, or of you feel that sexual reassignment surgery or gene therapy is necessary. It's an expensive procedure, though I know quite a few individuals that have felt it was truly necessary to being who they really are.

The most important thing is not to feel bad about it, and not to let others tell you there is anything wrong with it. However you feel you should live your life is how you should live it. A person's gender and their physical sex are two completely different things. Your sex is female, though your gender may be male. Some people can live with having a different sex and gender, others can't. Don't rush to conclusions though. Explore your gender identity a bit. See how you feel, then act.