weird or relatable?

[WrightMe]

Sometimes when I relax and seemed to be more grounded, a thought will pass through my mind like, "what if words aren't good?" or "what if existence isn't good?". Tonight at the store, I felt depressed and as I shopped, I had the startling thought, "why do I even invest in shopping as though interacting with the material world is worthwhile?" These thoughts freak me out since I am a single mom and just so desire to be a good mom to my child. They become obsessive in my head and seem to reappear and startle me anytime I am relaxed; it is like they are trying to sabotage my daily functioning and make me question if life itself is good.
I have discussed this with my counselor and see a psychiatrist. I just wondered if anyone else could relate. I hate these thoughts. They make me feel like I am really mentally sick. I won't even be depressed sometimes, but they cause me to be depressed because I hate battling through them. When I have them, I just want to lay in bed and not move. Which isn't an option.
I survived a ton of trauma in early childhood and have wondered if these are flashbacks to how I felt then, maybe being afraid of life because I was abused. I wonder if I need new, stronger OCD meds or healing prayer for childhood pain. I have battled these for many years.

 

[adam7272]

Hello, I understand these thoughts. They usually attack those things which are most important to us. Many times when I am starting to feel more grounded, or starting to trust what is going on around me, the typical thoughts are "what if your experience of reality is all spiritual deception and you are really trusting the devil" or "what if none if this is even real and reality itself isn't real". I have read enough on OCD as well as heard enough first hand testimonies to now know that those thoughts are not normal, and they are attacking that which is most important to me - which is the ability to trust reality and feel safe. I hope this makes sense.
I will pray for you now.

 

[dabro]

I notice when I try to do something constructive like work or go get stuff at the stores sometimes I have this thought that in the past when my OCD was crazy......I would fear I would get like that in a crowded place. Oh I hate it. I can't work a real job without thinking am I going to screw up my job because I don't know what day I may start to get sick again. I already ran out of my job six years ago. And the Boss owner of the store said I could come back when I'm ready but I never feel ready. UGH I know what you mean.

 

[JRTravaille]

This is interesting.. many of the questions your minds seem to be raising are questions you'll find in the philosophical system of nihilism. I sometimes struggle with existential nihilism.

I've heard Christian apologists talking about it, perhaps listening to what they have to say could help? If you figure out the answer you might be able to put your minds at ease.

 

[gracealone]

I don't know if this is similar or not, but I have OCD and when it's been acting up I've had thoughts like; what does it mean to be a human, am I real, am I in a dream, am I someone else's dream. And accompanying things like this can be an actual feeling of derealization or depersonalization kind of like I'm really not real. Hard to really describe that feeling but a bad panic attack can cause it too especially nocturnal ones where I can't even think clearly enough to say my own name. I think these kinds of things happen to many folk with OCD. OCD can literally question everything and all OCD questions spike up a feeling of extreme anxiety and distress. The anxiety can also get so bad that it's really hard to think clearly and that can freak us out to. It's like trying to take a bunch of puzzle pieces that are strewn all about in my head and not being able to link one up with another so that my thought processes make sense. But the good news is... I've lived through that kind of stuff and came out of it with my sanity still intact. (Or.... wait... maybe I only think I'm sane... isn't it true that crazy people don't really know they're crazy? Now don't any of you reassure me that I'm actually sane or my brain might think that question needs some serious consideration and I may being to obsess and ruminate about it. )
Sorry you're going through this. Praying you'll be able to press through it and not let it stop you from living your life. Mitzi

Sometimes when I relax and seemed to be more grounded, a thought will pass through my mind like, "what if words aren't good?" or "what if existence isn't good?". Tonight at the store, I felt depressed and as I shopped, I had the startling thought, "why do I even invest in shopping as though interacting with the material world is worthwhile?" These thoughts freak me out since I am a single mom and just so desire to be a good mom to my child. They become obsessive in my head and seem to reappear and startle me anytime I am relaxed; it is like they are trying to sabotage my daily functioning and make me question if life itself is good.
I have discussed this with my counselor and see a psychiatrist. I just wondered if anyone else could relate. I hate these thoughts. They make me feel like I am really mentally sick. I won't even be depressed sometimes, but they cause me to be depressed because I hate battling through them. When I have them, I just want to lay in bed and not move. Which isn't an option.
I survived a ton of trauma in early childhood and have wondered if these are flashbacks to how I felt then, maybe being afraid of life because I was abused. I wonder if I need new, stronger OCD meds or healing prayer for childhood pain. I have battled these for many years.

 

[Pixart]

I relate to these experiences in a way. It's kinda like the world doesn't seem real anymore and I feel like I'm constantly falling in a void. In my case it's derealization, like Gracealone describe, and I experience it in my worse times of OCD, or when I have a panic attack. While in those moments it can be very hard to experience this, I always remind myself it won't rob me of my sanity and that it will pass when the anxiety becomes less. If you wonder if you need stronger medication or if your childhood experiences are related to this, I would advise you to discuss these thoughts with your counselor and/or psychiatrist.

 

[OBEY]

Sometimes when I relax and seemed to be more grounded, a thought will pass through my mind like, "what if words aren't good?" or "what if existence isn't good?". Tonight at the store, I felt depressed and as I shopped, I had the startling thought, "why do I even invest in shopping as though interacting with the material world is worthwhile?" These thoughts freak me out since I am a single mom and just so desire to be a good mom to my child. They become obsessive in my head and seem to reappear and startle me anytime I am relaxed; it is like they are trying to sabotage my daily functioning and make me question if life itself is good.
I have discussed this with my counselor and see a psychiatrist. I just wondered if anyone else could relate. I hate these thoughts. They make me feel like I am really mentally sick. I won't even be depressed sometimes, but they cause me to be depressed because I hate battling through them. When I have them, I just want to lay in bed and not move. Which isn't an option.
I survived a ton of trauma in early childhood and have wondered if these are flashbacks to how I felt then, maybe being afraid of life because I was abused. I wonder if I need new, stronger OCD meds or healing prayer for childhood pain. I have battled these for many years.

Honestly, I have thoughts almost exactly like what you described since I was a teenager. They don't freak me out in the same way, though. In fact, I wouldn't even consider the specific thoughts you described as being weird unless you presented them as such. I think I've gotten used to them, and I've chalked it up to being a creatively minded person. I understand that they're not thoughts that most people have, but I don't attribute them to being mentally sick, and I certainly wouldn't say that thoughts like that would keep me from being a good parent. We're all wired differently. I wouldn't be so hard on myself. You seem like a great person.

Joel