Wedding traditions that ought to be ditched!

[gracefaith]

Inspired by Sascha's glass clinking thread, I thought I'd let you all vent about wedding traditions or practices that you think need to be ditched. Feel free to also include songs you think are played too much, bad guest behavior you see too often and scandalous breaches of etiquette.

Here are mine:

Tossing the bouquet - admittedly fun, but somehow it also feels demeaning
Taking off/tossing the garter - Egads! Is that my lingerie flying across the room?!
The Dollar Dance - I am NOT for hire, thank you!
The Chicken Dance - need I say more?

 

[LiberatedChick]

Tossing the bouquet - admittedly fun, but somehow it also feels demeaning
Taking off/tossing the garter - Egads! Is that my lingerie flying across the room?!
The Dollar Dance - I am NOT for hire, thank you!
The Chicken Dance - need I say more?

We only throw the bouquet in the UK...I've never seen any of the others done here. I didn't throw my bouquet though...it was fake and I wanted to keep it and not send it flying across the room for it to be grabbed and pulled at

I think the tradition I would scrap is to do with the stag and hen nights. The whole idea being that everyones aim is to get the bride and groom to be absolutely plastered. It's seen as a tradition for it to be the most drunk you ever get. I won't go into the events of our joint hen and stag night but I can safely say I have good reason for wanting this tradition scraped!

 

[Snowy]

Inspired by Sascha's glass clinking thread, I thought I'd let you all vent about wedding traditions or practices that you think need to be ditched. Feel free to also include songs you think are played too much, bad guest behavior you see too often and scandalous breaches of etiquette.

Here are mine:

Tossing the bouquet - admittedly fun, but somehow it also feels demeaning
Taking off/tossing the garter - Egads! Is that my lingerie flying across the room?!
The Dollar Dance - I am NOT for hire, thank you!
The Chicken Dance - need I say more?

thats why you make another bouquet to throw
never seen someone do the chicken dance at a wedding...and never heard of the dollar dance...as for the garter I thought that was something the men were supposed to try to catch and the bouquet was for the women

 

[Cordy]

We threw so many traditions to the wind when we married, including:

Bouquet throwing
Garter throwing (no, I didn’t even have one)
Having a few simple light wedding colours (we had 5 vibrant wedding colours)
Stag and Stagette
Glass clinking
“Something old, something new, something barrowed something blue” (well, I did have an item in each category, but it was merely coincidental)
Feeding cake to each other.
Keeping my wedding dress a big secret from my husband until the day
Throwing rice
Walking down to traditional music (I walked to the theme of “gladiator”)
Having a maid of honour
Having a girl-only bridal shower (my husband is going to be using all the household stuff we get, so he shared in the fun of receiving and opening presents, along with his friends. It was a blast)
Being introduced as Mr. and Mrs. “John Smith”
Putting china on the registry (that infuriated a few people)

I know there are more, but I can’t recall them at the moment. I didn’t want to partake in traditions simply because they are traditions. When I looked into the meaning of many of these traditions, it only gave me more reason not to partake in them. . We had a great time starting our own traditions!

 

[InTheFlame]

Here's what we ditched -

- flowers
- garters
- shoes
- suits
- buck's and hen's nights
- walking down an aisle
- being given away
- attendants (bridesmaids/groomsmen)
- traditional reception
- church building
- rice/confetti
- alcohol
- name change

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Here's what we'll DEFINITELY ditch:

* Shoes (at least til reception)
* $300 cake (2 cakes from the patisserie near me for $20 does me fine)
* Bonfavs (NEVER seen the point of this)
* Bridal table
* Garter toss
* Fancy transportation
* Bouquet toss (I'd rather give it to mum, or put it on my bf's grandmother's grave)
* Dancing (I really don't care either way, but B refuses)
* Drink clink or other such ideas to get us to kiss
* As many speeches as I can (I'm thinking my parents, his parents, and us will be enough) - never going to get away with ditching them all together!
* Things like doves, confetti, ice sculptures, harpists - all the OTT wedding stuff
* Alcohol
* 'proper' bridesmaid/groomsman attire - whats wrong with a nice skirt and a white singlet top with a flower pinned on, rather than a bouquet? And nice pants and linen top for the guy?
* Church building
* inviting everyone and anyone - will try to keep under 40

Because my parents will pay for most of this, below is what I WOULD like to ditch, but will have to probably compromise a bit on, just to keep the peace

* Having my parents be 'inviters' to our wedding
* Being walked down the aisle (I've decided that so long as I don't have to do this, I won't get cranky about the invites)
* Having less than 40 people (B and I could have 30, but with my parents wanting friends there that they've bragged about me to for 5 years or so, and I've never met, I'm willing to let the numbers slide seeing they're paying)
* A registry - as we both have all our house stuff all ready, this is probably the only way for us to go without being seen as 'tacky' from family members
* Confetti/rose petals - I would prefer not to, but I have a feeling my grandma and aunt will smuggle some in.

This could become a bit of a battle between ideals of my mothers and mine, but I have the list below of what I MUST have, so she can tamper away at anything else! Heck if she's willing to pay for the extras, who am I to argue?

* My minister
* At the lighthouse at Byron Bay
* Small and intimate
* Beach casual
* Walking down the aisle alone
* Having B wash my feet at some point during the ceremony
* Particular song during the service
* A certain videographer that did my best friend's wedding last year - it was their first job, and it was a fantastic DVD!


B and I will probably have one attendant each, I'd prefer not to, but he'd really like his best mate to stand up with him, so I'll probably ask his wife to be my bm. As she is really into this wedding 'stuff' - I will most definitely get a hens night, and as my mum loves this stuff, I'm pretty sure I'd get a kitchen tea/shower too!

Hey, as long as they organise it, I don't care!


Sasch

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Mrs Mbams - love your 'aisle song' idea - I've loved it for ages. B wants to walk back down the aisle to a particular 'humourous' song, and I've agreed so long as I can have that theme song as we hug everyone!

And I HATE the idea of feeding cake to one another - stupid idea, in my not-so-humble opinion!

And B knows the 'style' I've thought of in regards to my dress, and that's enough. I love the idea of still giving him ONE surprise about the wedding, seeing he'll know everything else!

Sasch

 

[Cright]

I think you've all listed my main traditions to do awaywith, but for me the biggest one is limiting the alcohol (I'm having 3 bottles at each table of 10 people, a bottle of white a bottle of red and a non-alcoholic bottle). My family would want it for the toast, his wouldn't care either way.. and my church would perfer it not be there..but won't object since we are not on church property. Another is the boquet and garder toss...

But for the American's here on the board I'll translate...

stag (or buck) and hen parties are the Bachlor and Bachlorette parties we have.

 

[LiberatedChick]

And I HATE the idea of feeding cake to one another - stupid idea, in my not-so-humble opinion!

I didn't even know that was a tradition. Even if I had we wouldn't have done it...that cake was too yummy to waste time mucking about trying to feed it to each other lol

Oh and the groom not seeing the dress thing...eugh...I hate that one. I had his aunts and mother going on at me about that because once I'd got my dress I had it hanging on the wardrobe door for weeks and he saw it every morning and every night lol.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Walking down to traditional music (I walked to do the theme of “gladiator”)

My sister walked to "Zoot Suit Riot". Fitting, because she STOLE MY IDEA for Zoot Suits instead of tuxedos.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

There are certainly some traditions that I DO NOT WANT at my wedding

-the bridal march... HATE IT
- Throwing rice/confetti/bird seed etc. (the only acceptable here is bubbles)
-Being introduced as Mr and Mrs John Doe (Im part of this marriage too)
- Bouquet toss (I want to give my bouquet to the couple who have been married the longest. I think its a nice thing to do. I dont really care about keeping my bouquet)
-Tossing the garder. I dont want my lingerie being thrown around the room, seen by everyone, and some random man picking it up and keeping it.
-Traditional wedding shoes (pink or black flip flops for me)
- Clinking of classes, singing a song with love in it, dancing etc... to get us to kiss. I really, really dont like that tradition
-Having cake shoved in my face by my husband. I dont even like cake!!!
-Wedding cake... they arent even real, and are way expensive. I am having a cupcake wedding cake. Cheep, unique and uber cool!!
-Traditional boring colours. I am having a black and white wedding with splashes of pink for colour.

thats all I can think of for now, I am sure I will think of more

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

OH!!!!!
I just thought of a BIG one.

I DO NOT WANT MY CAR TO BE DECORATED.
I will be severely ticked off if anyone tries to decorate my car. Seriously.

 

[makkulu]

Ok I am not engaged but I was intrigued by the thread and am now butting in with some traditions that I despise so much I have already decided they won't be happening for me if and when I do get married:

I don't mind my Dad walking me down the aisle, but there is no way in the free world he is going to "give me away". I much prefer what has become common here in australia, that both sets of parents stand at some point and are asked whether they give their blessing to the marriage. (I also don't want anyone asking my Dad's permission to marry me).

I have never liked either the garter or tossing of the bouquet, so I am really glad I read this thread, as I love the idea of giving it to the woman there who has been married the longest.

I don't want to do the chinking glasses thing either, I am probably too shy hehe.

I will be printing out this thread for my housemate who is getting married in October. Thanks for sharing the ideas, all, and may you be totally blessed for both your weddings and your marriages.

Makk

*Bows outta da thread*

 

[MrDude]

Alright I'm not engaged either but I've got a question. Someone explain the "clicking of glasses, etc. etc. trying to get the couple to kiss" thing. I've never even heard of this.

 

[gracefaith]

Alright I'm not engaged either but I've got a question. Someone explain the "clicking of glasses, etc. etc. trying to get the couple to kiss" thing. I've never even heard of this.

People repeatedly ding their champagne glasses with a piece of silverware. It usually starts at one table, it catches on to other tables and when the bride and groom feel that enough of fuss is being made, they obligingly kiss. It's annoying in my opinion, both to the guests and the couple. I know people enjoying seeing the bride and groom kiss, but I don't think they should be allowed to demand it.

As for a anti-bouquet throwing idea, I had two for my wedding. I was originally going to make a break-up bouquet (a big bouquet made up of tiny bouquets that breakup when you throw it) to spread the fun around. I was going to attach a ribbon with a Bible verse about womanhood on each one. I ran out of energy for handmade projects toward the end.

Instead, I ordered extra long-stem roses (the same as in my bouquet.) I was raised without a mother so I intended to hand out the roses to all the women in my life who had taken her place. I was pretty excited about the idea, but the florist forgot to deliver them! It was okay though because, with everything else going on, I didn't even realize it until I was on my honeymoon.

 

[InTheFlame]

I was very tempted to make flowers with chupa chups (small round aussie lollipop) in the middle, and throw a 'bouquet' of those out... but I didn't want to brain anyone

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

LOL...

Oh Zoot Suit Riot - that's a classic. I wanna say what song B wants to walk back up the aisle too, but as some people frequent this thread know us personally (and we want it to be a surprise for everyone), I cant!

And I wouldn't have minded being hit in the head with the chupa chups ITF - cept I coulda been knocked cold and spent the morning after the wedding in the same clinic as your hubby! BTW - I'm very impressed that you landed him in hospital after ONE night!

Oh yeah - not that stupid decorating/trashing the car idea - hate it!

Sasch

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Great thread idea.

Speaking as a single without a man in sight, ITA with the tossing of the bouquet-we don't need that at a wedding reception.

Stag/Hen nights
Having your bridesmaids wear the exact same ugly dresses. Give them some boundaries, let them go shopping together, and let them pick out a dress that they can actually wear again and that they like.
Wearing a dress-I refuse to wear a dress on my Big Day. A nice pant suit will work.
Buying a wedding dress-women can put the $$$ they would have spent on a wedding dress towards their honeymoon. Just rent your dress.
Wearing nice shoes-I really like the tennis shoes in Father of the Bride
Someone giving the bride away
Name changes-if my groom has a worse name than mine then I'm not taking it.
Children being ring-bearer, flower-girl, etc., etc. I'm hoping that there will be no children at my wedding period.
Having a minister-get married by a JP
Getting married in a church-you don't have to get married by the church in a church.
The Unity candle
Bride and groom not seeing one another until the wedding
Dancing-being raise Southern Baptist I don't dance
$$$ Bridal Dance
Ca$h Bar-you shouldn't make your guests pay for alcoholic beverages.
Serving alcoholic beverages with the exception of a champagne toast.
Bride and Groom Wishing Well-having a "well" set up so people can donate $$$ to the bride and groom. This is tacky to say the least.
Having a big sit-down reception/dinner-my parents just had some punch and cake.
Feeding cake to one another.
Proceding to have a cake fight-are the bride and groom children or adults?
Linking arms to drink champagne
Flowers

Bad Guest Behaviours: getting drunk, being loud, being obnoxious, showing up without RSVPing, only coming to the reception, not leaving when asked to do so, etc., etc.

However, the most overblown tradition I see is having a big wedding and any type reception at all. Invite only close friends and family, and have a small intimate wedding. Then go to a nice sit-down resturant to celebrate. That way, you can spend a lot more $$$$ on a grand honeymoon that the two of you will never forget.

I encourage couples to spend more time, $$$, and energy on planning their honeymoon than on planning the wedding itself. Honeymoons last longer.

Edited to add: rings. I don't like jewelry-my future DH can thank his lucky stars for that!-so I really don't want wedding bands of any kind.

DW

 

[sculpturegirl]

Inspired by Sascha's glass clinking thread, I thought I'd let you all vent about wedding traditions or practices that you think need to be ditched. Feel free to also include songs you think are played too much, bad guest behavior you see too often and scandalous breaches of etiquette.

Here are mine:

Tossing the bouquet - admittedly fun, but somehow it also feels demeaning
Taking off/tossing the garter - Egads! Is that my lingerie flying across the room?!
The Dollar Dance - I am NOT for hire, thank you!
The Chicken Dance - need I say more?

To add to Grace's list:
Wedding cake. There is so much fuss about not having one, that I have conceded to putting flowers on a white Carvel ice cream cake. We are not feeding it to eachother.
We are planning to serve wine and champagne. I hope no one gets smashed.
Any kind of activity used to raise cash- tacky, tacky, tacky!
Sticking to only one color- I love them all!

We are doing a tradicitonal Lutheran wedding with organ music to boot. We aren't using "Here comes the bride" though. We haven't picked out music. Our rings won't match. We are inviting children, they are a part of our family, too!

 

[FaithfulServant]

I would just like to say that most of the things people listed that they won't be doing or having, I will surely keep those traditions. Talk about being a killjoy!