Wedding rings

[pauldst]

Just curious, but how long before you quit wearing your wedding ring? Or, do you still wear it and how long has that been?

Not looking for advice...I will wear mine until I'm ready to take it off, or until the Lord tells me to, whichever comes first....

I hope no one minds my asking.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

My wife died about a year ago. I still wear my ring. I still love my wife. I guess I will eventually remove it, but am not ready to yet.

 

[faithgoeson]

I wore mine pretty much all the time on my right hand up until two months ago, and my husband has been gone over 5 years. I still have the need to wear it at times now. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to completely stop being his wife. Maybe if the Lord would provide another husband, I don't know. I just can't stand for people to look at me with three small children and no wedding ring. I don't like being judged when they have no idea what we've gone through.

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

For me it will be 9 months on the 31st. I took mine off the day of the funeral. I put mine and my Gingers together in a small box I keep on my dresser.

As far as other people judging me, I look at it this way. I am a father of 4 children, I am strong because of my Lord and Savior. If someone wants to judge me because they see me with 4 kids and no wedding ring, then thank God that's all they have to worry about.

 

[faithgoeson]

For me it will be 9 months on the 31st. I took mine off the day of the funeral. I put mine and my Gingers together in a small box I keep on my dresser.

As far as other people judging me, I look at it this way. I am a father of 4 children, I am strong because of my Lord and Savior. If someone wants to judge me because they see me with 4 kids and no wedding ring, then thank God that's all they have to worry about.

I wish I could get over the single mother stigma stuff. I just can't stand for someone to think that I would ever dream of having children with no father on purpose. I would never condemn anyone who needed to get out of an unequally yoked marriage, but it was never something I could do with children in the picture. I've managed to not wear my rings for 2 months and 2 weeks now. That's pretty good for me. I'll probably have them back on over the holidays, though. They are a comfort sometimes.

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Faith- Unfortunately there are people out there that always think the worst. I've experienced them also and it's never comfortable to deal with. I'm trying to prepare for the holidays as well. There are some things that my Ginger and I used to do every Christmas. It will be hard not having her this time.

 

[faithgoeson]

Faith- Unfortunately there are people out there that always think the worst. I've experienced them also and it's never comfortable to deal with. I'm trying to prepare for the holidays as well. There are some things that my Ginger and I used to do every Christmas. It will be hard not having her this time.

My girls and I are praying for your family. The first few holidays are so tough. You'll make it, though. God will see you through.

 

[Manna]

I can't remember when I took my rings off. I know it was less than a year after Eric died. I was clinging too hard to the past, and God told me that it was time to start healing. Taking my rings off was just....right. It doesn't mean that I love or miss my husband any less. It was just something that I needed to do. At the same time, I packed a box full of "special" things of his for my daughter and tucked it under my bed. Staring at everything wasn't helping much, ya know? One day when she's older we'll have a special day where we go through the box and I'll tell her all sorts of stories that she's probably heard a hundred times over...lol.

As for the single mom stigma -- it's alive and well. I'm a young mother (22), no ring, no man, little money. It's amazing how quick people are to judge. I try to give them compassion in return -- it's a knee-jerk reaction for many people. But I hope that one day Christian women are given the benefit of the doubt. I feel like printing up cards and handing them to everyone I encounter. "No, I'm not currently married. Yes, I saved myself for my husband and our child was conceived AFTER we united souls. No, I'm not divorced, no, I don't mooch off the system. Now stop giving me that look!!" Oy...lol

 

[faithgoeson]

I can't remember when I took my rings off. I know it was less than a year after Eric died. I was clinging too hard to the past, and God told me that it was time to start healing. Taking my rings off was just....right. It doesn't mean that I love or miss my husband any less. It was just something that I needed to do. At the same time, I packed a box full of "special" things of his for my daughter and tucked it under my bed. Staring at everything wasn't helping much, ya know? One day when she's older we'll have a special day where we go through the box and I'll tell her all sorts of stories that she's probably heard a hundred times over...lol.

As for the single mom stigma -- it's alive and well. I'm a young mother (22), no ring, no man, little money. It's amazing how quick people are to judge. I try to give them compassion in return -- it's a knee-jerk reaction for many people. But I hope that one day Christian women are given the benefit of the doubt. I feel like printing up cards and handing them to everyone I encounter. "No, I'm not currently married. Yes, I saved myself for my husband and our child was conceived AFTER we united souls. No, I'm not divorced, no, I don't mooch off the system. Now stop giving me that look!!" Oy...lol

lol I'd like to order a thousand of those!! I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way, but I wish no one else had to. Our lives are hard enough. People just make it worse, don't they?

 

[Manna]

Sometimes, yes. But you know what I think it is? They simply don't know how to react. What do you say to a widow in her 20's? I can imagine that I come across as a strange "case" to many people. Not only am I nowhere near normal in my stage of life, but I'm not mopey. I was talking with another mom while we were letting our kids play at Barnes and Noble the other day, and she asked if I was divorced. I told her no, that my husband had died nearly 2 years ago. She did the normal reaction of Oh, I'm so sorry. I thanked her, but then told her that my daughter and I were blessed, that there was no need to be sorry. She looked at me as if I had two heads and said "You're blessed??" I guess you just have to know my God! =)

 

[pauldst]

Sometimes, yes. But you know what I think it is? They simply don't know how to react. What do you say to a widow in her 20's? I can imagine that I come across as a strange "case" to many people. Not only am I nowhere near normal in my stage of life, but I'm not mopey. I was talking with another mom while we were letting our kids play at Barnes and Noble the other day, and she asked if I was divorced. I told her no, that my husband had died nearly 2 years ago. She did the normal reaction of Oh, I'm so sorry. I thanked her, but then told her that my daughter and I were blessed, that there was no need to be sorry. She looked at me as if I had two heads and said "You're blessed??" I guess you just have to know my God! =)

If I've said this previously, forgive me, but how do people do this (losing a spouse) and survive w/o God? I understand, Manna, I too feel blessed. God gave me a wonderful woman to be my wife. We are/were His. If His plan includes her going to be with Him earlier than I, then that is His business. He is taking care of me and will take care of me. He has given me peace, He has shown me how much people I know love me (and loved Cheryl) and are willing to support me, He has given me some new friends, and He has for me a hope and a future. I still face many things, as y'all know, but He is with me and is taking care of me. How do people go on without any of this, let alone all of it?!

He is so good!

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

I have seen individuals who are doing it without God, and it's not pretty. My Ginger's funeral was a time of rejoicing. We sang her favorite song "It is well" and the kids each picked out a song for her. The kids knew without a doubt where she was, that she was happy and in His Kingdom. So many people would later ask "How can he and the kids have so much peace about it." My mother-in-law told one couple, "Because they understand that this not our home". I often sing "....the angels becon me from Heavens open door, because I can't be at home in this world anymore". The truth is unfortunate, that most people are lost, but it must create a drive inside of each christian to bring the good news of the gospel to those. Jesus came to save the lost, He sat and even ate with the publicans and the spiritually sick of this world. I could not phathom the "How" if I didn't have Him, but do know how good it feels when someone finally realizes who He is.

 

[BornoftheSpirit]

Just curious, but how long before you quit wearing your wedding ring? Or, do you still wear it and how long has that been?

Not looking for advice...I will wear mine until I'm ready to take it off, or until the Lord tells me to, whichever comes first....

I hope no one minds my asking.

I think it's a matter of whether you are ready or not. If you feel comfortable within yourself, then go ahead and take them off. It's all in God's timing. He'll let you know if you ask Him. I switched hands with my rings. I wear the engagement ring on my right pinky, and my wedding band on the finger next to it. This is where they'll stay.

It's saying that I've passed through the season in God's plan for my life that included my husband, and now I've entered into a new season for just myself.

 

[BornoftheSpirit]

I have seen individuals who are doing it without God, and it's not pretty. My Ginger's funeral was a time of rejoicing. We sang her favorite song "It is well" and the kids each picked out a song for her. The kids knew without a doubt where she was, that she was happy and in His Kingdom. So many people would later ask "How can he and the kids have so much peace about it." My mother-in-law told one couple, "Because they understand that this not our home". I often sing "....the angels becon me from Heavens open door, because I can't be at home in this world anymore". The truth is unfortunate, that most people are lost, but it must create a drive inside of each christian to bring the good news of the gospel to those. Jesus came to save the lost, He sat and even ate with the publicans and the spiritually sick of this world. I could not phathom the "How" if I didn't have Him, but do know how good it feels when someone finally realizes who He is.

I remember when my dad passed away when I was 13 years old. I wasn't raised in a Christian family, so I remember what it was like to go through the pain of losing a loved one, not knowing the truth about where that person has gone. All we were told is that my dad had died, and he was never going to be with us again. It's a very cold and lonely place to be.

I'm so thankful I know the truth now. It makes a huge difference in my life to know that my husband is now rejoicing with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and one day I will be rejoicing right along side of him. My husband's funeral was also a celebration. We celebrated the fact that He is now in Heaven rejoicing with the angels that he is finally home. This may sound a little strange, but some have told me that it was the most uplifting funeral they had ever been to. I think all that were there were blessed by it.

 

[BornoftheSpirit]

For me it will be 9 months on the 31st. I took mine off the day of the funeral. I put mine and my Gingers together in a small box I keep on my dresser.

As far as other people judging me, I look at it this way. I am a father of 4 children, I am strong because of my Lord and Savior. If someone wants to judge me because they see me with 4 kids and no wedding ring, then thank God that's all they have to worry about.

I don't think it's anyone's place to pass judgement on other people. This needs to be left up to the Lord, where it rightfully belongs.

As far as people's attitudes and opinions go, it's just that. Their attitudes and opinions are their's to own. If we take it on board, then we become owner's of it too.

I know it's difficult not to take things like this on board, but it's well worth the effort of not owning their problems. They need to recognize this in themselves and work through it themselves.

 

[Nancy333]

My wedding ring had always been too loose and would often times fall off. I finally decided to put it up, then somewhere along the way, got lost. Last summer, my kids found my ring and I wore it (did the best I could). My husband passed away 4 months ago and ever since, I've been wearing our two rings around my neck. This way, he's close to my heart. I haven't gotten to the point of thinking myself as "not married" because I feel that I'm still married. I thank God everyday for being in my life. What scares me most is these next couple of months. Not only my first holiday season without my Tom, but this will also be my first anniversery without him. Would've been 26 years in a few weeks. Having our rings next to my heart does help me and I'm hoping they will help me in these next few months. One thing I'm sure though, and that is God will see me through.

 

[JeanR]

Just curious, but how long before you quit wearing your wedding ring? Or, do you still wear it and how long has that been?

Not looking for advice...I will wear mine until I'm ready to take it off, or until the Lord tells me to, whichever comes first....

I hope no one minds my asking.

I just became a widow on October 9th and I was wondering the same thing about my wedding ring. Right now I am wearing mine and his. I don't want to stop wearing my rings, but don't know what is considered appropriate--or if I should be wondering about that at all.

 

[pauldst]

Well, I have, at least for the moment, quit wearing my ring. My knuckles have gotten sore and chapped and I am frequently putting on hand lotion. Nothing unusual for the time of year or for the weather that Iowa has been having. Nor is it, when this happens, unusual for me to go days without wearing the ring. Without children, I have no reason to think about what others think, so....

Anyway, Cheryl would have wanted to be with me this weekend as I check out ORU's graduate school. I picked up her keychain, which most of the keys were already off of, and put the ring on it. As I am at events and walking on the campus and I miss her I just reach into my pocket and grab the keychain, and know that this is where she would want me to be.

God is good!!!

 

[pauldst]

I just became a widow on October 9th and I was wondering the same thing about my wedding ring. Right now I am wearing mine and his. I don't want to stop wearing my rings, but don't know what is considered appropriate--or if I should be wondering about that at all.

JeanR, welcome! Others have told me not to worry about it, to do what feels right for you.

Lord, I pray that You give JeanR Your peace and that You set her mind at rest. Please help her to feel Your comfort and to know Your will. Let her be blessed with Your presence, in Jesus name, Amen.

 

[faithgoeson]

I just became a widow on October 9th and I was wondering the same thing about my wedding ring. Right now I am wearing mine and his. I don't want to stop wearing my rings, but don't know what is considered appropriate--or if I should be wondering about that at all.

There is no appropriate or inappropriate. You just do what feels right to you. Many widowed person wear theirs on their right hand, but still it's a personal choice. You're still going to feel married for a very long time. There's no harm in wearing it if you want.